'AITA for telling my step-son's Bumble date to stay away from him for her own sake?'

"AITA for telling my stepson's Bumble date that she should focus on her career and children rather than dating men like my stepson?"

For context, my (M36) stepson (M19) lives at home with my wife (F41) and I. Last weekend, I found a woman (F20s) in my living room after I woke up in the morning. She had slept over in my stepson's room, and my stepson was still asleep (he normally sleeps in late on the weekends).

When I first came downstairs, she was crying on the phone. I proceeded to introduce myself and ask if I could help with anything. She said that she was on the phone with her mother, who was taking care of her son while she was staying over with my stepson. I proceeded to ask if she knew my stepson through his job, and she said that they met online (Bumble).

We talked a little bit further, and, due to reasons I will explain, I ultimately told her that she should not be prioritizing dating (especially men like my stepson) and should instead focus on her career and spending more time with her son (she was a single mother).

Here's the thing. My stepson has been living with my wife and I since he graduated high school over a year ago. He is handsome, tall, and in-shape (due to his full-time work as a swimming instructor and lifeguard). Since he graduated, he has brought numerous women over to our house (at least 20, but I have lost count now and am not always aware due to working sporadic hours).

At first, my wife and I were surprised about how he was meeting them. He barely has enough time to date, and uses most of his free time in his room playing video games. When we confronted him about it, he said that he just uses online dating to set up dates and either brings them to our house or drives to them.

Last year, he had two pregnancy scares (which he handled himself, but my wife and I were aware). Furthermore, a few months ago, I noticed that he kept bringing back two different women to our house in alternation.

Although I've always been a monogamous, long-term relationship type of guy, I understand the whole gist of young men "sowing their wild oats." My wife doesn't seem to mind much as long as it's safe and consensual. However, I feel like my stepson may not be being completely transparent with his dates, and I certainly don't believe he is currently a good candidate for young, single mothers.

Am I in the wrong for interjecting and diverting this young, single mother away from her current situation with my stepson? I believe that her son will greatly benefit from her taking a break from dating and spending more time with him.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

"Don't date my son if you want a long term, committed relationship," OK, great, very honest. "Don't date at all. Be a mother." YTA.

elsehwere said:

YTA single mothers are allowed to date, y'know? They're even allowed to have one night stands. You wanna warn her that your stepson is a f*ckboi, go right ahead. It is absolutely not your place, your business, or anything else of yours to tell a young woman that she shouldn't date, much less to imply that she's a bad mother for doing so.

You don't know isht about this young woman, her career, or her parenting. You want to do something about the situation, share what you know about your stepson's dating habits, and take him in hand if you want to interfere with someone's life.

GMUcovidta said:

NAH but situations like these are beyond uncomfortable, if I were you I would not let the step son bring flings over

shyfidelity said:

YTA because you know, ultimately, so little about this random woman that your advice was presumptuous. If you’re concerned with your son’s behavior while he lives with you, address it with him. Don’t make weird comments to his one night stands, who may very well be aware of their situation.

[deleted] said:

YTA. Single mothers can prioritize their children and still go on a date. It's her life and her choice. That's a really condescending and presumptuous attitude to imply she's not focusing enough on her child. Gross.

EDIT from OP:

To clarify, I will admit that I have a protective urge when it comes to single mothers. My wife had a number of abusive partners in her past and has been in therapy ever since. While I'm not saying my stepson is abusive, I do not believe that the "hookup" culture he's engaging in is healthy for a young, single mother with her whole future ahead of her. Career and children come first, in my opinion.