'AITA if I stop celebrating my brother’s birthday with him and his fiancée?'
"AITA if I stop celebrating my brother’s birthday with him and his fiancée?"
My brother, Jay’s (22M) birthday just passed and my mother (41F) wanted us all to go out to dinner since we barely see Jay due to him moving out and having his own family.
We went to a local restaurant, Jay brought his fiancée Alexa (21F) and their child and the rest of the seats were filled by my mom, sister (18F), and I (19F). Here’s what happened that made me no longer want to celebrate Jay’s birthday with him.
During dinner Alexa and Jay were on their phones almost the entire time texting each other. Alexa had gotten an attitude with my mom for wanting to hold their baby which usually isn’t a problem considering my mom is their babysitter.
SIX drinks were ordered between the two of them which made the bill quite expensive (my mom paid the bill), and they barely touched the food they ordered. When we left the restaurant the plan was for us to meet up at Jay’s house to bring him his gifts and so my sister could bring him a tres leches cake that she spent 2 days making for him.
When we got to their house and brought the gifts in is when Jay’s excitement really showed. He opened each gift with his fiancée and I kid you not they were complaining and nitpicking everything.
The first gift he opened was a necklace that was “too short” for his liking, my mom had gotten him and $80 shirt that he ripped it off of his body in front of her because it was “too small”.
My mom had bought him a hygiene set that included shaving gel that he apparently hated according to Alexa, expensive work boots that “wouldn’t even last one day”, and expensive work pants that “weren’t the right color”.
My mom barely had the money to buy all of that stuff for him, and we barely have enough money for our own rent and she didn’t even get one thank you from either of them.
When Jay was done opening his gifts he literally said “that’s it? Where’s the rest of it?” Shortly after that Alexa left the room without a word while we were about to get his cake and sing happy birthday.
I was looking for a lighter when I saw Alexa and asked her why she left and she told me it was because she was exhausted. I asked her if she was going to come back so we could all sing to Jay and she said no and that she was going to bed.
After that, I found a lighter, lit the cake, and sang happy birthday to Jay then we left. I’ve been so angry at their behavior since then and I’ve been considering not celebrating anything with Jay and Alexa anymore but I’m not sure if that’s over reacting or not.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Sounds like they are both immature, entitled, ungrateful brats and I would definitely not waste my time or money on them again,and I hope your mother does the same. Shame on your brother especially for being to disrespectful and ungrateful.
OP, I have to ask. Do they pay your Mom for babysitting their child?
Material-Big-8357 (OP)
No. Since the baby was born my mom, sister, and I haven’t received a single penny from the parents for babysitting.
Then you all need to stop babysitting.
Material-Big-8357 (OP)
That’s a lot harder than it seems. The last time my mom requested two days off for her birthday it turned into a huge deal and Alexa was freaking out and accusing us of basically just leaving her in the mud, saying things like “you know we have no one else, why would you do this to us” etc etc.
All of our time and devotion goes to their baby. We babysit most days/nights out of the week and only get like 2, maybe 3 days to ourselves. It’s kind of a complicated situation.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
So I had questions about how often my mom, sister, and I babysit and how much we make doing it. Surprise, zero dollars. I’ve mentioned in my previous post that finances for my family are extremely tight, and because I babysit so often I haven’t had the time to get a job (my brother knows this).
This is been a real source of stress for me and my family but things appear to be looking up now. After babysitting for 12hrs (9pm-9am), I got a text from Alexa saying that she would be willing to talk to my brother about paying me.
We talked business and agreed on him paying $10/hr which is a good start. I won’t use this as my only source of income but it does help just until I can get a job of my own. Thanks for everyone’s advice in the comments about this situation. If anything else happens I’ll update again, I’m just hoping my brother will hold up his end of the bargain.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP's update:
Based on their behavior, none of you should celebrate his birthday. If any of my sons ever acted like that, I guarantee they would be celebrating future birthdays without me.
Yikes! Jay and Alexa are flaming AHs. I feel sorry for their baby. None of y'all deserved that kind of treatment (no one does, ever). I wouldn't give them any gifts again, and your mom definitely shouldn't spend any money on that crap weasel son of hers. Only give the baby presents. Babies are fun to buy for anyway! Cute clothes, toys, books, etc. NTA. Save yourself from those AHs!
Birthday parties are for children. Adults get birthday parties on the milestones, usually 21,30,50, 70,80 and 90. Adults get birthday presents from their SO. Tell your brother he is an adult. Send a cupcake to his workplace if you need to acknowledge his birthday next year.
Has he always been like this? Is his fiancé always rude?
Material-Big-8357 ((OP)
Unfortunately yes they both have always acted like this but it’s strange though because it seems like Alexa only acts like this when we’re all spending time together as a family. If I or my mom spend time with Alexa herself she’s suddenly happy to be around us.
NTA — although why buy expensive stuff without knowing for sure what he’d want/need? And why buy expensive stuff at all if one barely has money for rent afterwards? It’s pretty clear that your brother doesn’t subscribe to “it’s the thought that counts”, and this can’t be the first time in 22 years that something like this has happened.
Material-Big-8357 (OP)
That’s the thing, my brother made a list of gifts he wanted/needed and that’s what my mom bought. It’s not like all of the gifts were random it was all stuff he wanted.
My mom shows her love through gifts so even though we really didn’t have the money for it, she still bought what she could for him. And this definitely is not the first time he’s acted like this. The same thing happened last Christmas and during previous birthdays. I’m fed up with it at this point.
I would shame him so bad. I would stop babysitting if I were your mom. I'd be done with them until they sincerely apologized. They have a lot of growing to do.