'AITA for telling my coworker, I don't need to stop crocheting while on break because they are there?' + UPDATE
"AITA for telling my coworker, I don't need to stop crocheting while on break because they are there?"
This is my first time posting, sorry about the long post but I need to get some different of views on this and plus sorry in advance, I am not a great speller (sorry if there are mistakes.)
I (20F) starting to crocheting again after a years break. And I am bring my projects to work and ONLY crochets on my lunch/rest breaks and I have been doing this about 2 weeks now.
Sometimes our lunch breaks line up with each and most of the time everyone is on their phone or in their own place. I am usually crochet and listening to a podcast/ watching a video (with my earphones in) and If someone wants to talk with me, I put my project down and take my earphones out, but if they don't, I am working on the project.
I got this one co worker, Mary not her real name (mid 60s F) about 2 days ago, she came into the break room and I was already there and I am crocheting, when I saw her, I said hi and smile, then went back to my project. She sat down and was on her phone.
About 10 minutes goes by and I feel a tap on my shoulder, I look up and I saw Mary, so I stop crocheting and pause what I was listening to. I asked Mary what's up and she said it was rude to be crocheting while she was here.
I am surprised as she is basically always on her phone and watching video (without earphones, so can hear what she is watching, which is usually Facebook reels). I apologises but said I am not stopping crocheting on my lunch breaks because she is there.
She got mad and complained to my manager about me. My manager said I am allowed to crochet on my breaks but I should be more aware on how rude it can be to others(?) Some of my other coworkers are on my side and others see Mary view. I have been staying away from Mary at the moment. But I don't know. So, AITA?
Edit: Thank you everyone for being so nice and giving some advice on my problem. To give a little back ground Mary and I starting/joined working basically on the same day, we have been here around 2 months now.
Mary is an ok coworker (most of the time), but she can be abit old fashioned (eg, one of my co workers goes by they/them and Mary always misgender them) I am a little bit socially awkward sometimes but I do get along with mostly everyone I work with.
The break room, is pretty small, it has one big table with about 8 chairs (most people on break at the same time would be around 3-5 people) but I rarely have the same break time as Mary, As we both work in the same area.
Plus when I am listening to something, it is always low volume and I have one earphone out, the only time I put both earphones in, is if someone is playing something from the phone speaker.
I am sorry I can't reply to all of yours comments, I did not expect this much 😅, but to answer some of the questions I am planning to speak to manager about this, I'll be working tomorrow with Mary and I probably update if anything happens.
Plus crochet is quite uses one hook, as knitting uses two needles and makes the clicking clack sound Plus we work in a Reception type of job I hope this might clear things up. I am working tomorrow with her, and there is a high chance our breaks will line up together. So let see how it go and I'll try to update you all.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
This will probably be my only update. At work today, I was able find my manager who was also with higher ups, so I told them my side of the story, and how i wished the manager handled better.
The manager she apologizes to me (tbh I think she did it bc the higher ups were there) and later on at my lunch break, I was in the break room crocheting and Mary walked in, now I don't know what happened before hand (probably my manager/ higher ups spoke to Mary) but Mary apologizes to me.
Plus just before I left work today, Mary's husband (let's call him Ian) Ian also works at the same place as I (as grounds keeper) he came up to me and apologizes for his wife as well.
But if she does try something like this again, I will go to the higher ups (i am Australian, and I don't think we have a HR team at my job, believe those reports go to management?)
BY THE WAY I still don't know why she thought it was rude and I'll probably will never know. Thank you everyone for reading this ✨️💖
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, Mary totally is though. Crocheting *on your break* being 'rude' is BS. I would go back to your manager and push back a little - why would crocheting, specifically, be ruder than listening to something on your phone/having headphones in or whatever?
The ONLY thing I can imagine being an issue is that the movement is distracting - in which case, Mary can sit facing in another direction where your crochet is not in her direct line of sight. I would also point out the fact that she is playing her own stuff over her phone speakers, which is distracting to YOU unless you have your earphones in.
I am so curious what Mary’s beef with crocheting is.
This definitely feels like an I'm your elder, why aren't you showing me proper respect kind of thing.
Crocheting is possibly the least offensive thing I can imagine doing on a break. Honestly someone sitting completely still and doing nothing would unnerve me way more.
The gall of blasting fkn FB Reels on speakerphone lady to lodge a complaint with a manager that nice, quiet, polite ear bud wearing crocheting lady is "rude" is mind boggling.
Seems like Mary's a bully who thought she could establish dominance over OP, perhaps bc of her social awkwardness and kind nature. Good job on OP for standing up for her rights to quiet enjoyment of her break time.