'AITA because I stopped cooking dinner for my husband?' UPDATED

"AITA because I stopped cooking dinner for my husband?"

I (43f) decided to go back to school full time for my Master's degree while working full time. I informed my husband (48m) that it's going to be an adjustment but to work with me as I haven't been to school in nearly two decades. Studying has consumed a lot of my free time.

Online classes are daunting and I'm figuring out my study habits as an older adult learner. One of the things that I try to do more is cook larger meals so that we'll have leftovers every other night.

My work day ends at 7pm and his work day ends at 2pm. He has a small business that he works on after he gets home at 2pm. It can be grueling for us both and the last thing we want to do is cook every single night after 12+ hour work days. I told my husband of my plan to make larger meals that would give us leftovers and he was all for it.

The problem is, when he gets home from his primary job and starts working his side job he gets hungry. Instead of grabbing a snack, he will pick at the left overs. By the time I get home from work, there's barley anything left or enough only for one person. I have asked him repeatedly to stop eating the leftovers. Then when I go to eat whatever he left thinking he's had his fill he asks "what about me."

I'm shocked because he's already eaten. When I remind him that I had no intention of cooking and he ate the leftovers that were specifically for dinner he acts all hurt and sad like he hadn't eaten in days. So, instead of studying, I feel guilty and waste time trying throw something together. By the time I'm finished cooking and cleaning up, its 9:30-10pm or later. Way too late to squeeze in studying or much else.

We've had this conversation a million times. I'm at the point where nothing works. I make more and more each time hoping its enough but he just eats more and more. Sometimes I'm home and its like he's eating it in secret. I buy extra snacks and alternative options when I do the grocery shopping. He eats those things AND the leftovers.

I even eat less because we still eat late some nights and its too much before bed. I plan to eat it the following night or even bring it to work. But it never makes that far. I'm at my wits end. I'd rather study for a few hours and eat a granola bar. This week, I did just that and now my husband is making a salad in between deep sighs acting all hurt. So AITAH because I stopped cooking dinner for my husband?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Exciting-Rate3173 said:

Why isn't he cooking? You've tried. You've cooked multiple times. You've talked with him about it several times. He's going to pout no matter what because he's not supporting her decision to get your masters degree.

The salad kits are easy and quick. So are sandwiches or soup. Work out a menu ahead of time. He can pick up food once s week if he wants. You are too busy to be cooking for an inconsiderate pouty man. NTA.

OP responded:

He cooks sometimes but lately, he'd rather order food. Which, is perfectly fine when he's in charge of the meal but I don't like the idea of living off of fast food. So, when I can I cook our meals.

RoseDlessio said:

Your husband is being incredibly inconsiderate. He's sabotaging your studies and showing a lack of respect for your time and efforts. His "hurt" act is manipulative.

OP responded:

I think that's why I'm frustrated. I do feel like it's manipulative. He dedicates his free time to his side hustle and when I use my free time for school he gets weird.

No-Function223 said:

I would wager he’s doing it purpose because he didn’t want you to go back to school & mess up his schedule. What nerve you have /s. Nta & if he’s eaten his share & is still hungry he’s welcome to feed himself.

Also if he’s eaten more than his share, still don’t feed him. Show him his actions have consequences. You not his mom & he’s not a toddler. He can handle it. You just have to be strong & stand your ground.

Disastrous-Nail-640 said:

NTA. It’s past time to be blunt. “You already ate. If you’re still hungry figure it out. But that hurt act you’re putting on is manipulative and I’m not having it.”

whatthetortoisesaid1 said:

This man is carb loading like they’re about to make weaponized incompetence Olympic sport. NTA.

OP responded:

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Stop. Because we've even had conversations about weaponized incompetence. It's like he gets supercharged after every meal. This is an issue for sure but I cackled at this.

A few hours later, she shared this update:

Y'all ate me up. Despite the overwhelming response that I am NTA, reading the tone of most comments would lead me to think otherwise. There's so much more context that I didn't add but I hear you. I WILL put my foot down. I will not squander my opportunity to further my education. I will get a backbone.

I will not allow incompetence be used against me as a weapon. I will work on direct and firm communication. We are both too old not be clear in asserting our needs as well as dislikes.

For the kindness that was shown, I appreciate the humility. Not everything is black and white. I am stronger than some would assume based on this post ❤️