'I've stopped doing the 'fun' extra office stuff after I didn't like the way my boss handled something, AITA?'
"I've stopped doing the 'fun' extra office stuff after I didn't like the way my boss handled something, AITA?"
I guess background is important and sorry it's long:
My job performance is exceptional. I meet every necessary mark 100% of the time and have done so for the last ten years. Maybe an odd month or two in there due to travel and things that would make it impossible.
I've also stepped up and carried the load for coworkers when things have come up to ensure our area isn't dinged for performance issues. Clients get along well with me, I've never had a complaint filed against me, etc. You get the idea.
I also am known to do all the holiday decorating, coordinating the gifts for office celebrations, baking the desserts, writing formal 'thank yous' from our department, and making holiday baskets to help maintain positive relationships with the other agencies we work with.
A couple months back, there was a policy change and none of us were happy about it. I made the best of a bad situation and adapted to the change immediately. My coworkers did as well, but they all called me to complain and vent. This is normal. We tend to complain amongst ourselves for one good b-word session and then just "it is what it is" and continue to work hard and not complain again.
Here's where the issue is, while one of my coworkers was venting my boss was eavesdropping selectively on my side of the conversation as that's what he could hear. I was commiserating with them, but also pointing out how it wouldn't be that bad, it's in our contract, how we can make it fun/less obnoxious etc etc etc.
We hung up and I didn't think about it further, especially since neither of us really said anything that you wouldn't expect an employee to say with the kind of change they're wanting. It was pretty damn tame....
I didn't think about it again until my boss called me in a few days later to do an employee evaluation in response to it. In every review I've had here I've always hit the "exceeds expectations" in nearly every category.
He cut me down to "meets expectations" on everything. He reamed me for my "attitude" for not cutting my coworker off and letting them vent. Telling me I should have told them to call him.
He accused me of being negative/a negative influence and that if he didn't "nip it in the bud now it could fester and create a toxic work environment".... I was and still am pretty pissed about it. Coworkers should be allowed to vent to each other without it being treated like this.
After this, as you may have guessed, I'm just not in the mood to head up everything extra I'd been doing to make the office environment "fun". I keep my door closed when he's here, I didn't bring dessert for the March birthday lunch.
That lunch isn't mandatory, but I didn't want more problems so I went and just sat quietly the entire time. Now there's another "appreciation week/month" for one of the departments we work with and there's been an email chain about cards/gifts and I've responded the amount I'll put towards it and asked who I should send it to....
People are noticing I'm not picking this stuff up and that chain has gone in a circle for days now and I'm not budging. I've had one person approach me about it and I just said I don't have the time to take it on right now.
I guess I'm feeling like all the stuff I did on the regular to foster a positive work environment got thrown out or was never appreciated because I lent an ear to a coworker and then got viciously reprimanded for it.
Like what's the point if ten years of going out of my way gets thrown out just like that AITA for just quietly stepping out of all of these extras due to my feelings on how this was handled? Am I being overly petty?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. The boss, as the kids called it, FAFO'd. Venting is typically a positive and necessary thing, as long as it's handled appropriately, and it sounds as if you were that appropriate "bottleneck" and sounding board.
He was extremely stupid to have not allowed you to explain the situation to him. Stand your ground. Just keep it light, sweet, and "My work load is preventing me from keeping up with those extra tasks" about it all.
Preference_Afraid (OP)
Thank you. I did try to explain it to him when he was marking me down. The real irony is he was sitting there calling me a potential negative toxic presence that was going to ruin team morale the day after I had just handed out hand made Valentine's to my other teammates.
It never fails does it? They're such idiots. Don't stress. This guy is obviously too dumb to get it. The beauty is, anyone with half a brain is going to know why you backed off on the extra little fun stuff, and no one will blame you. They'll blame him. And guess what, that's going to add up. You might not still be there to see the karmic avalanche, but it WILL catch up with him.
NTA. You might want to start looking for a new job. Your boss seems to be the type to have the attitude “the beatings will continue until moral improves.” He may end up firing you to “nip it in the bud” and set the other employees straight.
Preference_Afraid (OP)
Oh, that's the thing, I love this job, it's a good one, and one of the few that still has a union. He wouldn't be able to terminate me unless I actually did something crazy or consistently not meet my matrix.