'AITA for stopping the music in the middle of a client’s wedding reception?'

"AITA for stopping the music in the middle of the client’s wedding reception?"

For some context: I’m a vocalist, DJ and former dancer. I worked for years in five-star hotels and lounges. My husband, D, is a multi-instrumentalist, producer, composer, and a Berklee graduate. At the time of this story, we were both working professionally as musicians.

This happened about nine years ago, when we were spending time working in Miami. D was contacted by an agent about playing a wedding. The agent was adamant that the budget was very small and that the hours were unusually long—around six hours, which is a lot for a live band since those gigs are typically 3-4 hours long. The pay was honestly terrible.

But we really needed the money at the time, had no other gigs on that specific day, so we agreed on one very clear condition: our musicians had to be treated like guests. That meant being fed and allowed to have a drink if they wanted.

Because the rate was so heavily discounted, we explicitly told them that the discount itself would be our wedding gift to the couple, and in return our musicians needed to be fed and treated like guests so we could do our job properly and create a great atmosphere for their celebration. The agent explicitly agreed to this.

After it was all agreed, the client sent us a list of 93 song requests. We cared about our reputation and wanted to do a great job, so I offered something extra: I wouldn’t take breaks. I would sing with the band during the live sets, and when the band took breaks, I’d DJ in between. That way, we could try to cover as many of those 93 requests as possible.

The day of the wedding arrives. We show up prepared and ready to go. Immediately, I notice the venue is actually very high-end. As we’re setting up, it becomes clear that nothing about this wedding reflects a “low budget.” Each floral arrangement on each dinner table easily cost several times more than what each musician was being paid for the entire night.

At that point i was upset with myself. I took responsibility for not having done enough due diligence. Still, I was there to do the job I agreed to do, and to do it well. We start playing. The first set goes great. Everyone’s enjoying themselves. Then the first break comes. The band steps offstage to get food and drinks, as agreed. Since I wasn’t taking a break, I asked one of my bandmates to grab me a drink.

A few minutes later, they came back and told me they were being refused food and drinks. At that point, D and I went into problem-solving mode. We looked for the agent and were told he wasn’t present and had sent his assistant instead.

We spoke with her to try to sort out the misunderstanding, but she walked away to speak on the phone with the agent herself and then stalled before finally allowing us to speak to him directly. Throughout that time, we continued trying to resolve the situation calmly and professionally. We weren’t looking for conflict—we just wanted the agreement to be honored.

While each of us continued to try to speak with someone to resolve the issue, I went to the bar myself to see if I could talk to someone directly. I was told by the bartender that they don’t serve vendors. I explained, politely and professionally, that our contract was an artist contract, not a vendor contract, and that being fed was part of the agreement.

At this point, the bartender got in my face and openly mocked me—making exaggerated mocking faces and repeating my words back in a childish “meh meh meh” voice instead of responding. It took everything in me to stay professional. By then, we’d been trying to resolve the situation for about 20 minutes. Nothing was working.

I turned and went back to the stage and just pressed stop. Deafening silence permeated the atmosphere. This got their attention and magically, the assistant finally put the agent on the phone with us. The agent told us over the phone that he didn’t care what had been agreed to, he wasn’t going to help us, and that was that.

Shortly after, the mother of the bride came up to the stage and asked what was going on. I calmly explained that this wasn’t what we had agreed to. She said, “Just keep playing and we’ll fix it later.”

I was calm on the outside but freaking out on the inside. I didn’t want to ruin someone’s wedding. I knew that if we kept playing, we’d lose any leverage we had. Inside, I was scared poopless.

I wasn’t trying to cause trouble. But D and I were responsible for our band, and we couldn’t ask them to work under conditions that weren’t what we had agreed to. And frankly, I didn't want to work under conditions we hadn't agreed to. It honestly felt like I physically couldn’t hold it in anymore. I dug deep and replied, respectfully but firmly, “With all due respect, please fix this first, and then I’ll continue.”

The moment I put my foot down, the issue was magically solved. My bandmates and I were immediately served food and drinks. The rest of the wedding went perfectly. Everyone had an amazing time. The guests danced all night to the very last song. We played our faces off. We never worked with that agent again.

So, AITA for stopping the music in the middle of the wedding reception until our musicians were treated the way we were promised?

This is what people had to say to OP:

hottie-von-coolie said:

NTA. You used the only leverage you had. People like that try to draw every ounce of blood out of you. Well played!

OP responded:

Thank you. That gig was a hard lesson, but it taught me to start putting everything in writing.I started adding very explicit clauses to my performance contracts after that (and a few other experiences), and it’s honestly saved me more than once.

Bigisucre said:

No, you are NTA. They tried to cheap out on you, you didn't let that happen. I think the guests were wondering what happened, maybe that was a reason for the parents to honor their contract instead of being exposed as what they were, greedy insincere people.

AmaiaL said:

You were absolutely right, and I hope you were petty enough to tell your other musician friends to not work with that agent either!

And arsooetica028 said:

Well played! NTA I would have been every bit as POed as you were. And that bartender should be fired for his behavior.