Adopted son storms out after father omits him from wedding speech. AITA?
"AITA for storming out of my dad's wedding because he mentioned my brother and sister and his stepdaughters but not me?"
I'm (16m) adopted. My siblings are my parents bio kids. They're 13 and 11. 7 years ago my parents divorced. It was never explained why but I always noticed that dad was bitter toward mom while mom hid how she felt really well. I did hear a fight between them once where she called him a POS who didn't deserve his kids. At the time it didn't make sense but it makes more sense now.
My dad got remarried a month ago. His wife has two daughters (5 and 6) with her first husband who died. When everyone was eating dad got up and started to make this long speech about how happy he was with his wife and how blessed they were with their family.
He called her an amazing mom and woman and all that fluffy stuff. Then he thanked her daughters for being amazing and he told them he couldn't wait to be their dad for real and how much he already loved them. Then he thanked his kids but only named my brother and sister. He didn't say a single thing about me.
He gushed about my siblings, about his wife's girls. Then he told everyone how the family and named everyone except me was starting fresh from that day forward. How they were lucky to have such great kids. His speech wasn't over before I stormed out of the wedding.
I called mom and told her I needed her to come and pick me up and not ask questions because I just needed her. My brother followed me out and so did some of dad's family. My brother asked me if I was okay.
The rest of the family asked why I made a scene and when I pointed out the speech they said it was an oversight and I was included every time he said kids and so what if he left out my name, it wasn't the end of the world. I told them it was only my name.
My brother tried to say something to dad's family but they told him to go back inside and celebrate and not to make more of a scene at the wedding. They tried to make me go back in too but I told them I was going home with mom.
When I told mom what happened I got so upset. She did her best to calm me down and distract me. It was a few days later when she talked to me about what happened more.
I told her missing my name once in that speech was maybe understandable but he wrote a long ass book and still didn't mention my name. I told him he couldn't have made it clearer that I'm not his real kid. She told me she was so sorry.
I mentioned what I heard before and she told me the biggest reason we divorced is he wanted to give me up because they had their own kids. But he fought for me in the divorce with my siblings so she hoped he'd grow eventually. I said he probably didn't want to pay child support.
I heard nothing from dad since. His family have tried to yell at me for making a scene at the wedding but mom shut them down. My siblings still go to his house but he doesn't ask about me or seem to care that I don't go with them. And even with that his family still wants to say I'm TA. Which pisses me off but makes me doubt myself. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Dude doesn't give one ouncee bout you. He never saw you as his son. Just don't have any relationship with him. Nothing more really.
Coiiuid (OP)
That freaking hurts too. I used to see people talk about being adopted and they were regretted once their adoptive parents had "their own" kids and I never thought it would be me. But it was and I had no idea for so many years.
I'll be your Dad. That dude can seriously get bent. He's a monster and his family are all AHs, too. What he did was intentional. He wanted to hurt you and he wanted to do it publicly. Some men don't deserve to have children and he's one of them.
Please know this doesn't reflect on you, your value, or the love other people have for you. No amount of his family trying to excuse it away will change what he did. I'm so sorry he's such a POS. You deserve better.
He made a speech about starting fresh and included the new wife's kids and excluded OP. This was a manifesto. Believe him. I'm very sorry he publicly shunned you, OP. It was cruel. NTA.
Ask your mom to give get full custody. Make him pay support. Never look back.
Coiiuid (OP)
I don't think she'd win. I know there are ways to prove it but mom and I would prefer no child support and me staying there to being forced to go to dad's house when he told me and everyone else at his wedding that I'm not his real kid.
NTA. He made it clear that your not his kid so act as such. It hits and it sucks and I know the feelings that come with being adopted as I am too.
Coiiuid (OP)
It sucks so freaking much. I'm glad that mom loves me the same and would fight for me.
NTA. He's TA. It's his wedding but he still goes out of his way to make you feel bad. Clearly a narcissist and a bully. You don't deserve a father like that, I think it's better that he's not your real father because there are fathers out there who does this to their actual children. Might be better to stop considering him as your father/adoptive father since it's obv he didn't want you as a son either.