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Stranger tells fellow restaurant patron that her friends 'hate her;' AITA?

Stranger tells fellow restaurant patron that her friends 'hate her;' AITA?


Is it your place to intervene when you hear a group of 'friends' at a restaurant start gossiping the second someone gets up to use the bathroom?

There's some healthy venting or light roasting, and then there's straight up evil 'Mean Girls'-level behavior. So, when a restaurant customer decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about an awkward situation with so-called friends, people were ready to deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling a stranger that her friends hate her?

My friend and I went out to dinner recently in Italy (where we are visiting), where we were sat next to a table extremely close to us. It consisted of a group of 4 Americans, so they were obviously on holiday together as well.

As soon as one girl from their group left for the bathroom (let's call her Hannah), the other 3 friends started immediately talking sh@t about her.

Some examples include: calling her ditzy, annoying for crying while they were abroad, failing a class at school, and talking with negative connotation towards her having sex.

One of them asked to be told when Hannah was coming back so they would have warning of when to stop badmouthing.

My friend and I immediately felt very bad for the girl and agreed we would not want to be in a lifelong friendship with people that secretly hated her. We decided we wanted to let Hannah know the situation before we left.

As we were leaving, my friend verified that Hannah was the girl in question they were referring to and I proceeded to let her know what happened while she was in the bathroom and told her I would want someone to tell me if I were in her shoes.

One of the friends of Hannah immediately started yelling (saying 'you don't know sh#t about sh@t'). Hannah seemed grateful that I told her. My friend and I headed out immediately afterwards.

They seemed pretty young so it's likely Hannah is probably sharing a hotel room with some of these people currently on her international trip so I feel bad she has to deal with that.

However, in my position, I would rather deal with having an awkward end of my trip with the knowledge that the people I'm with hate me so I can cut them off, rather than unknowingly staying in their lives. AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess...

cuervoguy2002 said:

YTA. I think you meant well. But now what. She has to stay on a trip with these people after a big blow up? You say they are young, so chances are she can't afford to stay on her own (nor would that be wise), or fly home early.

This is the epitome of you throwing a grenade and walking away, not caring about the mess you left in your wake.

Also, lets be real, people get annoyed with each other when traveling. I've traveled with my best friend quite a bit. I'm sure I've shit talked him. In fact, I know I have. But there is context with everything. I sh#t talk him, and he annoys me, but I still love the guy.

You eavesdropped on part of a conversation, with no context, and decided to cause a mess that you aren't going to have to deal with the aftermath.

Petite__Bait said:

YTA. I know you meant well for Hannah's sake, and in general it would be good for her to know that. The problem is that dropping that information on her while they were together was guaranteed to start a fight.

If they were on vacation, it likely ruined the trip and created unavoidable tension as they are stuck traveling together. It probably would have been better to find out some other way.

user__isnull said:

NTA. You went out of your way to do a kind thing for a stranger. Good for you.

Cinderparty said:

NTA. I think you did the right thing, but you definitely ruined Hannah’s vacation in the process and that’s sad.

BabsieAllen said:

YTA. Now she's stuck in Italy and you have ruined her vacation. Not her friends, you, by not minding your own business.

BlossomingBelladonna said:

NTA. While you did probably ruin her trip, she deserves to know what kind of friends she has.

uTop-Artichoke5020 said: said:

YTA! Big time. How vicious can you be? Trying to excuse your cruelty by saying she should know and you would want to know doesn't work. This poor kid is now left all alone in a foreign country with people you outed as hating her.

-too-hot-to-handle said:

Soft YTA. I know you were trying to do a good thing, but you only set her up to be mistreated to her face rather than behind her back. You were right to tell her, but you shouldn't have done it in front of the people who obviously hate her. If you'd told her privately, you wouldn't have been TA at all.

While the opinions were fairly divided for this one, most people agreed that while the intention here was kind, the result will probably be even messier for Hannah...

Enduring the rest of a 'friends' vacation with the knowledge that you're not well-liked or being talked about behind your back might be more brutal than eating pizza in blissful ignorance.

Sources: Reddit
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