My boyfriend and I got into an argument and I’m honestly confused if I’m the ahole here or if he’s just being dramatic. He says if someone doesn’t make a clear separation between their actual human kid and their “dog kid,” that’s pathological. Like…a legit mental illness.
His exact words were that if our pet ever got cancer or some other expensive disease, he would just let it die because “we’re not rich, and that money should go to my future kid. A human child is always more valuable than a cat or dog.”
For context, I’m a senior in psych undergrad, so I’ve actually learned what pathology means. To me, calling your dog your baby isn’t a disorder. Unless it’s destroying your life, your finances, or your relationships, it’s just…attachment. Tons of people do it and it’s normal.
I told him that if I didn’t have savings, I wouldn’t adopt either a kid or a pet. To me that’s just being responsible. But he doubled down saying he “knows better” and that I’m wrong, because in his eyes, treating a dog like your kid is automatically unhealthy.
Now I’m sitting here wondering: am I overreacting by getting annoyed? Am I the ahole for pushing back? Or is he the one being extreme by throwing around “pathological” just because his values are different?
Alzaetia said:
NTA. But you are dating somebody who equates opinions with knowledge. Yikes! Also, unless you utterly failed to mention his superior (to yours) psych education, he also dismissed your education. And he'll let your dog die.
Financial_Bowl9440 said:
NAH. There's nothing really wrong with either of your opinions. As a proud animal mom, I can admit some people do take it to unhealthy extremes (which you agree is bad). At the same time, what you said is completely logical. I think the only thing that makes him an AH is claiming he knows better than you. F that
QueenSketti said:
I agree with your boyfriend. YTA if you put animals or pets above kids or other humans.
FlyingDutchLady said:
NTA. Your bf clearly feels strongly about this, and having your significant other disagree with something you’re passionate about is automatically challenging. Add the fact that you were focusing on the definition of pathological, your bf may have felt you were focusing on him being “wrong” about something.
And he is wrong. If he said he’d choose to care for his actual child differently than his dog, fine, but to say something who values a pet as much as their child has a mental health disorder is dramatic and untrue.
Own-Management-1973 said:
ESH. If your imaginary dog got imaginary cancer it could well destroy your imaginary finances.
NTA but he might not mean pathological as literally as you do still he shouldn't be throwing around psych terms tho.
Deep-Okra1461 said:
NTA I think he's trying to sound "smart." You are a senior in psych so that explains why his smart word of the day is pathological. I think he's really insecure and he wants to prove your education doesn't mean you know more than him.