'AITA for suggesting my fiancé's sibling with a newborn sit in the back during our wedding ceremony?'
"AITA for suggesting my fiancé's sibling with a newborn sit in the back during our wedding ceremony?"
My fiancé and I are planning our wedding, and we're trying to sort out the guest list. My fiancé's sibling is expecting a baby before our wedding and plans to bring the newborn. We want a child-free wedding ideally but have made exceptions for my fiancé's siblings’/cousins’ kids aged 3-11, since they are family.
However I’m concerned about the potential for a newborn to cry during the ceremony, which is very important to us since babies just cry whenever. I suggested that if my fiancé's sibling wants to attend, they could sit in a back corner so they could leave quickly if needed, and it wouldn’t affect the ceremony or videographer.
My fiancé thinks it’s rude to suggest this before the baby is even born and is upset about the idea. I’m stressed with planning and want to minimize disruptions. AITA for wanting to manage this ahead of time?
Later, OP edited the post to include more information:
To be clear I am NOT trying to exclude the newborn, i am just asking that my fiancé's sibling be seated in a way that is not disruptive if the baby cries or they have to step out during the middle of the ceremony.
To those asking why ages 3-11, the above says these are exceptions for kids in the family and this is their age range; there are no kids in other age ranges if you’re wondering below 3 or 11-18.
We are not picking and choosing as we have allowed all kids in the family to come but want to have a peaceful ceremony, they are all welcome to the reception. My fiancé does not love kids either, but we included them because they are family.
To clarify since everyone is worked up - we want a child free wedding BUT have already made exceptions to accommodate for children that are in the family ie siblings or cousins children INCLUDING this siblings’ other kids.
We will welcome these kids at the reception but want a peaceful ceremony. this is already a compromise as I had wanted a child free wedding.
I view a newborn baby to be much more unpredictable since they can cry at any point in time from my experience - I do not have children yet so do not understand how kids in other age groups act since I don’t see these family children on a regular basis or other peoples kids regularly.
Comment: we’re spending a ton of money on this wedding if you’re wondering why we’re planning or stressing so much on this and want it to be as we envision.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Mooshu1981 said:
YTA. 3 year olds are absolute terrors compared to newborns at weddings. Your a Hypocrite 3-11 is acceptable man I hope you never have children. Child free means no children. You’re picking and choosing.
I’m a wedding photographer. Never once have I ever had a baby interrupt a ceremony. It’s always the 2-7 year olds who don’t get there way and are told to sit and be quiet.
jesshatesyou said:
YTA. Every wedding I’ve attended where a baby cried or a small child somehow was loud enough to be heard during the ceremony was met with kindness, understanding, and (depending on the type of disruption- asking questions or some kind of cute noise) laughter. I’m so glad those are my people.
Your wedding should definitely be about you and what you want, but for crying out loud, it’s not like you’ll be taking a video of the ceremony and submitting it for Oscar consideration.
Who actually cares if a baby cries for a minute or two during your wedding, as long as your friends and loved ones are there to celebrate you and your fiancé?
Fit_Try_2657 said:
Asking her to sit at the back is rude and exclusionary and she’ll never forget it. She can just as easily rush out from the front as the back with her baby if they cry. Just like the mom of the 3 and 5 year old. (And why exclude the 11-18s?) 100% YTA.
quidyn said:
YTA. You assume the baby is going to cry and be fussy, which is fairly unlikely with a newborn. You are allowing children 3-11 at the ceremony, an age range that is far more disruptive than a newborn.
Almost no one bats an eye at a crying baby. If you have children, you will realize how unfairly parents with children are treated by society sometimes. I don’t know what you imagine your wedding day to look like.
Maybe you have some vision of perfection, but I have been to zero events that have gone off without a single hiccup. Loosen your expectations and remember you are marrying the love of your life, joining two families, and are there to just have fun on your wedding day. Why try to micromanage and predict the tiniest possible disturbance to your day to the point of hurting someone’s feelings?
PM_ME_SEXY_SANDWICH said:
YTA. Newborns sleep like 20 hours a day. And it isn't a child free wedding if you're allowing multiple humans between the age of 0-11.
Prometheus_II said:
So let me get this straight. You're having a child-free wedding... except for all the young children who are most likely to cause disruption and least likely to listen to adults telling them no.
And now you're planning to include a newborn, and you think putting them in back will help. YTA. Not because it's rude, but because it's just counterproductive.