'AITA for suggesting we put my wife's grandma in a nursing home instead of the family continuing to take care of her?'
"AITA for suggesting we put my wife's grandma in a nursing home instead of the family continuing to take care of her?"
My wife's grandma is 79 and honestly one of the most exhausting people Ive ever encountered in my life. Everything has to be about her. If its not about her she finds a way to make it about her no matter what the situation is.
At our daughter's birthday party she threw a screaming fit because we didn't make a big enough deal about the gift she brought. It was a 15 dollar doll from Walmart. Our daughter loved it and played with it and we said thank you like we did with everyone else but apparently that wasn't enough. She wanted the whole party to stop and acknowledge how generous she was.
She does stuff like this constantly. She wasn't invited to a pool party where she wouldn't have even known anyone and she lost it. Made my wife's cousins wife cry at a family event and then got kicked out and threw a tantrum about being kicked out. My wife's parents went on a vacation just the two of them and she called every single person in the family sobbing about not being invited.
She makes waitresses cry. Complains about the food everywhere we go even when its perfectly fine. When she was in the hospital the family had to take shifts sitting with her because if someone wasn't there she would refuse her medication and then accuse the nurses of not giving it to her. The family literally sent apology pizzas and cupcakes to every shift that had to deal with her.
Nobody wants to be around her anymore. Even the people who feel obligated to take care of her hate doing it. But my wife's family believes she's their responsibility so they all take turns looking after her instead of putting her in a home. None of them are happy about it but they just keep doing it.
Recently she started getting more aggressive and the family had a meeting to figure out what to do. I suggested we just put her in a nursing home. She's not losing her mind or anything she's fully aware of what she's doing she's just a terrible person who's gotten worse with age because now she can cry elder abuse if anyone pushes back.
My wife agreed with me. A few of her cousins did too. But her dad and his siblings were upset at the idea. The spouses all stayed quiet because they all hate her and she hates them right back.
I just don't get it. Its not like they couldn't still visit her. I'm tired of watching my wife come home stressed out after dealing with her. I'm tired of hearing about the latest drama she caused.
The woman is spiteful hateful and manipulative and the only reason she's nice to the kids is because they're easy to control. AITA for saying the family should just put her in a home?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Does she have a lot of money to leave? and her children, not the grandchildren (as in your wife and her cousins) are concerned that she will cut them out of the inheritance? Just an idea.
Well then the ones who don't want her in a home have volunteered to single handedly deal with her then. Congratulations to them. The rest of you should just refuse to deal with her, she is their problem until they see sense. I give it a week.
Well then the ones who don't want her in a home have volunteered to single handedly deal with her then. Congratulations to them. The rest of you should just refuse to deal with her, she is their problem until they see sense. I give it a week.
It sounds like she needs to be fully evaluated by a doctor. She should be checked for dementia. If she's suddenly become aggressive and overly emotional, she probably would benefit from some medication. It's not about drugging her into submission; it's about making her life more enjoyable for herself.
NTA she's making everyone's life miserable and the only people who want to keep doing this are her own kids who probably feel too guilty to admit they're done too.
If she isn’t living with you, make it a point to avoid her at all costs. If you’re hosting, make it clear that she’s not invited. If you’re going to a family event, try to avoid it if possible and if that’s not something you wanna do, just blatantly ignore her. Is it rude? Yes absolutely. But it’s also necessary for Grandma to understand that you’re no longer gonna be putting up with her behavior.
Try to rein in other family members who agree with you. Normally I wouldn’t recommend treating anyone this way, however your FIL and his siblings clearly aren’t taking any measures to address this huge problem and it’s extremely unfair to the rest of you to be treated this way. NTA.
Its one of the first signs losing the filter, looking other people's perspective. She is losing bits of her brain that regulate her emotions. And yeah she needs more help than what the family can give. And a person she isn't related to isn't going to be taking it personally like her family will.
Those who wish to keep her at home should do so EXCLUSIVELY.
Those who want to put her in a retirement home should make it clear they won't lift a finger.
NTA. If there is money to move her into a nursing home, I agree. Otherwise, let her own kids deal with her. I don't think it is fair for grandkids to be making a decision that they themselves will have in the future once their parents get older.