'AITA for suggesting my wife put her phone down in bed?' 'She’s still pissed at me.'

"AITA for suggesting my wife put her phone down in bed?"

My wife was pissed off last night from an email she received. After she’d read it to me, something I thought would take a load off since she’d verbalized it, she kept scrolling through her phone, still stewing over the email.

Knowing this, I suggested it might be best if she put her phone down and tried to get some sleep, especially since I knew it would keep playing on her mind, but that continuing to look at her phone wouldn’t be doing her favors.

Her anger instantly switched over to me, saying that she didn’t appreciate me trying to manage her, and that my suggestion was really about me not being able to sleep when I know she’s awake next to me.

That last part is absolutely true, but it had nothing to do with my suggestion. I simply knew that she was unlikely to get much sleep with the email on her mind, so trying to get as much as possible would be beneficial.

She’s still pissed at me this morning, and I believe that’s very unfair. All I was doing was looking out for her, but she’s saying she hates it when I ask her to put her phone down, like I’m not considering her feelings of wanting to stay awake longer. (I’ve asked her to do this a few times, but it really only happens maybe once a month). So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

jamintime said:

Ugh this is why I hate relationship posts in this sub. You said something that made her feel more agitated and not supported during a stressful situation. Are you the AH for what you said or is she the AH for how she took it and reacted?

It doesn’t matter because you are in a relationship and need to figure out how to support each other instead of pointing the finger at who the asshole is. If that’s your mindset then just breakup.

apocalypse910 said:

Have you ever been mad in your life - because if you have you should understand exactly how obnoxious and unhelpful you were. YTA.

Actual_Group9196 said:

If she can’t put it down, can she not be considerate enough to leave so you can sleep? NTA.

rezardvareth3 said:

NTA. It does matter how you are communicating, but she isn’t supposed to transfer her anger to you. Don’t let people gaslight you into thinking you’re supposed to support unhealthy behaviors like stewing in anger and losing sleep.

Weepthegr33d said:

YTA - you are passively trying to be a good guy but really you are trying to control and manage her experience. Perfectly normal and if you learn from it then no big deal. But don’t forget you NEVER know what is in someone else’s best interest. To presume you can makes you and AH.

No-Yak4416 said:

ESH. You didn’t support her when she was feeling frustrated, and she is an adult, so she can do what she wants. However, she shouldn’t have taken out anger on you.

After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:

Hey guys, sincere thanks for all the responses. I’m going to go with my own ruling of NAH. (Even though many of the responses labeled me the ahole, which is fair enough as well).

Just to clarify a couple of things, that perhaps I didn’t explain properly. Not trying to defend anyone, just wanted to provide more information. This was a work related email. Once she had read it to me, there was at least a 20 minute gap between her venting, and me suggesting she put down the phone.

And I only made that suggestion because I knew she’d be stewing over it regardless of whether she was looking at her phone, and I figured doing that whilst trying to sleep might get her a little more rest than if her eyes were open staring at a phone screen.

We’ve talked it over and both see where we went wrong. I shouldn’t have made the suggestion in the moment that I did, and she shouldn’t have snapped at me for trying to help.