"AITA for refusing to support my daughter financially after she gives birth?"

I'm not going to go into real detail but essentially my 27f daughter has recently said some very offensive things. Since she married her husband she seems to have changed as a person and is much more distant and vicious towards the family.

Things came to a head last weekend at a big family get together when she said that our eldest daughter's adopted son "wasn't really a part of the family" and that "God didn't mean for you (eldest daughter) to have children, just accept what he gave you and stop forcing your options(referring to the son) on the rest of us."

Our eldest and her son were devastated and some very heated words were exchanged before my 27yo daughter and her husband stormed out. Now recently our 27yo daughter has announced she is pregnant, she and her husband were planning on moving into the cottage on our property after the baby is born so my wife and I can help out for the first year.

During this time our daughter doesn't plan on working and has been clear that she expects us to contribute to her financial costs during the year (we had a similar arrangement with our eldest whe she was trying for a baby, and our son and his wife also spent 6 months living in the cottage after their twins were born).

However after discussing with my wife we feel that this would make the rest of the family uncomfortable with visiting us (obviously eldest and her son no longer want to come over while 27f and her husband are here and our son's wife has also expressed her discomfort around 27f and her husband) and we are uncomfortable supporting people who are so bigoted and cruel.

We told our daughter last Thursday in a zoom chat about our decision and she blew up at us, demanding to know why she wasn't allowed to express her opinion and arguing that why should we care what she thinks? My wife became very upset and closed the chat and has refused to speak to our daughter since and she is blaming herself for not raising her better. Are we the a$$holes here?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

FlyingDutchLady said:

NTA. You don’t owe your daughter anything here. Actions always have consequences. While she may be technically allowed to share her opinion, that doesn’t mean others are not allowed to react to it. She has to live with the consequences of her actions and you and your wife are well within your rights to decide that your home and financial support are no longer open to her.

She announced that she believes your grandson is not a part of the family and that’s a terrible thing to say no matter the circumstances. You’re allowed to be hurt and to react.

slowestrabbit said:

NTA, and from what I can tell from the rest of your children you both did fine raising your children. Your 27y.o. is being controlled and manipulated.

meh_ok said:

Your obligation is to protect the rest of your family ESPECIALLY your grandkid from her hate. You should have kicked her selfish backside out then.

And planet_smasher said:

NTA. Your daughter is damn near 30. If she and her husband have to mooch off of you in order to procreate, maybe she should just "accept what God gave her" and "stop forcing her options" on the family.

He later shared this update to the post:

Thank you so much for your kind responses, I've tried to read all the comments but this blew up overnight. However: Our 27f daughter assumed she could live with and be financially supported by us in the year after her child was born because our eldest went through significant financial hardship when she was trying to have a baby due to paying for ivf/fertility treatments.

As a result they almost ended up homeless because they remortgaged their house to afford it but then her husband was in a car accident and needed time off work meaning they were unable to pay their mortgage and the bank claimed their home.

Our 27yo daughter will not be homeless if we don't support her for the year following the birth. It was just supposed to be an opportunity for her to spend time with us as otherwise they live over 2 hours away. As far as I'm aware they own their home outright and her husband is financially well off enough to support her during this time without our help.

She never said she had anything against her sister's son up until she met her now husband 2 years ago. Then she tried to uninvite her sister and her nephew from her wedding because her nephew would "ruin her photos."

At the time we pulled our financial support from the wedding and ended up not going because she refused to allow pur grandson to attend. I blame the husband, he's always been off to me but my wife is blaming herself.