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Surrogate is accused of 'making' sister's husband attracted to her, 'she has been very clingy.' AITA?

Surrogate is accused of 'making' sister's husband attracted to her, 'she has been very clingy.' AITA?


"AITA for 'making' my sister's husband attracted to me?"

So, I'm 29f and my sister is 37f and her husband is 35m. I'm their surrogate. We used my egg and his sperm. No we did not have sex. So onto the story I'm 4 months pregnant and during this pregnancy, my sister has come to my place almost everyday, since I found out I was pregnant, as she's a stay at home mom to their adopted daughter.

She has been very clingy this whole pregnancy, and so has her husband. So last week was her daughter's birthday party, and I went over early to help get ready and just help out in general. My sister left to go get the cake, and while she was gone he kept complimenting me and kept getting closer to me, which felt weird so I had asked him to move, which he did, but he started the same thing later on when we were cleaning up. I had told my sister about it, and she said she would talk to him.

So a few days later she said that it was my fault he was getting closer to me as I've been "tempting" him with me acting nicer and trying to get close to him and talking to him more, and the way I carry myself I told her the only reason I'm talking to him more is because and trying to be a little more friendly than I normally am, is because I'm not trying to have bad blood, and I told her I've always carried myself this way.

She didn't believe me and told me I was trying to steal her husband away from her and saying that I'm the reason hes attracted to me, so now she's blocked me and her friends have been sending messages as well, basically saying that I'm a b%tch for trying to seduce her husband so AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Rainbowbright31 said:

I would tell your sister to call off her flying monkeys because you definitely do not need to be listening to shit from her "friends", also tell her she is deluded to think you want her husband because a man who creeps on his wife's sister who is doing them the biggest kindness there is, is not the prize she seems to think it is so her gaslighting insecure a$s is welcome to him because you are too good for both of them.

Then send her a link to this thread and tell her to seek help or you will send the link to her friends too because you have zero intention of people talking sh&t about you when this is down to ger pervert husband. Tell she better get her house in order sharpish. NTA.

GoodNoodleNick said:

NTA. I'm guessing that your sister can't have children herself. That is the root of her reaction. She feels insecure and her husband is probably making it much worse. The husband hitting on you is absolutely not okay but also not completely surprising. I really don't know the best advice to give but I think you need to have a long conversation with your sister in person. Maybe multiple before she really gets it. Maybe involve your mother if that is possible or would be helpful?

Robinnoodle said:

NTA. Your sister is insecure (rightfully so) due to brother's actions in combination with you being able to give her husband something she never can, a biological child. It's a tale as old as time. A woman's man is trifling, but instead of blaming him, she will blame the object of his affection.

Whether that said object really did anything wrong or not. Husband is probably a creep and/or is having a hard time wrapping his mind around this surrogacy so biology is taking over. Things might aren't going well at home. You are nice to him. He doesn't get that at home maybe. You are younger. You are fertile.

You are carrying his baby. You and him made a baby together. That's an incredibly emotional thing that can bond someone to someone else, even if it's unrequited. Seems he isn't good at using his prefrontal cortex and higher level thinking. He is using his primitive brain. He needs to think about his wife and his family and control himself. He has to know what he did was not acceptable behavior.

The mature thing is for the three of you to sit down and discuss this with you reiterating/defining some boundaries. Preferably with you and your sister as a united front. That can only happen if your sister can face the fact that her husband was coming on to you and that's something he chose to do. He was attracted to someone else. He acted on it, and it was highly inappropriate and disrespectful to you both. She may never be able to face that fact however.

In which case I would say distance yourself from husband (possibly sister too) and reiterate to everyone that you have done nothing wrong. You are in fact doing them a huge favor, which you are glad to do for your family.

Imaginary-Yak-6487 said:

NTA. If you’re comfortable, Sit down with both of them & discuss this, with your folks as mediators. If they keep blaming you, go nc until you give birth, then be done with the both of them. You’re doing an incredible thing for them & they’re treating like this?

Electronic_Taro_8382 said:

NTA. That's seriously messed up. You're just trying to help out as a surrogate, and it's not your fault if her husband can't keep it together. Sounds like she's deflecting blame instead of dealing with the real issue.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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