Surrogate refuses to breastfeed twins she carried months ago, 'my body is being used as a dairy farm.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to continue breastfeeding the twins I was a surrogate for?"

I am 32F and served as a surrogate mother to my 36F sister who couldn't bear children as a result of her cancer treatments. I carried twins for her and her husband using their embryos. The delivery took place 3 months ago.

This is where it got bizarre. My sister keeps requesting me to breastfeed the twins since "breast is best" and she can't lactate. I agreed at first since I wanted to assist her, but it is taking over. She insists I visit her 5-6 TIMES A DAY or express milk enough for all meals. I work full-time and have my own 4-year-old child to look after.

I informed her I would need to reduce to perhaps twice a day and some expressed milk and she burst out crying telling me I was depriving the babies of the opportunity at optimal health. Her husband sent me a text stating I was selfish as I "already did the hard part" and should still assist them.

The situation boiled over yesterday when I walked in and discovered my sister had created a bedroom for me and insisted I just come in to feed the twins whenever they wanted. I told her no and mentioned that formula was a perfectly adequate way to supplement. She took offense and said I was abandoning my nephews and breaking our agreement.

I left without giving them food. My mom said my sister and I should be more understanding about her situation, but to be honest I feel my body is being used as a dairy farm. AITA if I wouldn't want to be their full-time milk supply?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

MyCouchPulzOut_IDont said:

NTA. You gave her a gift not a subscription. You already did something massive. You carried two human beings inside you for nine months. You wrecked your sleep, your hormones, your body, your schedule, and probably your sanity at times, for someone else. That’s Olympic-level generosity. But apparently, in your sister’s mind, that wasn’t the end of the favor.

Lucy_Koshka said:

“Gift not a subscription." That’s hilarious but also painfully accurate. Not to mention she’s been breastfeeding and pumping for them for three months now?? If they were concerned about the initial couple weeks/colostrum, sure, I can see that.

I BF my daughter for a week to make sure she got at least that, and promptly threw in the towel. My nips were raw, bleeding, her latch was horrible so she was constantly hungry, pumping hurt even worse and it was hell on my postpartum mental health. I applaud every single woman who has BF or pumped routinely; it can be miserable. For them to so casually say she’s “already done the hard part” is beyond insulting.

HaitchanM said:

Currently 5 weeks in and its 4am here and I'm feeding. I want to throw in the towel every damn day. It’s a whole other job breastfeeding and pumping. I get mom wanting what she thinks is best but she isnt doing the work. OP does not need to feel bad about not doing this for twins(!). NTA.

60moonchild said:

Reality check- if sisters surrogate was a stranger her twins would've been on formula since day 1. OP I'm sorry how ungrateful sis and BIL are. Time to take back your life and close down the dairy. I mean really- HOW DARE THEY!!!

Hollow_Serenity said:

NTA. As a mom of 4 with the youngest less than a year old, I almost peed myself laughing at the you already did the hard part comment. Pregnancy can be very rough and draining but the newborn stage for me is 1 million times harder. Getting up through the night to feed baby. Then the next day trying to balance your life and kids needs while being a walking zombie.

All while trying to find time to pump so you have some milk for dad to feed baby and for if you ever get a chance to have a date night. That alone is insane and I didn't have to try to add a full time job on top like OP does. Breast is best but it isn't HER breast to choose to give it's OP's!!!! If sister wants to strictly feed the babies with breast milk she needs to look up breast milk banks!!!

Ok_Conversation9750 said:

NTA. If they had contracted with a surrogate that was a stranger, I’m betting they wouldn’t dream of making such demands. You did your part - time for them to take over and learn how to feed their babies.

Happy-way-to-wisdom said:

Fed is best. Doesn't matter if it is with breast or formula. Obviously breastmilk has advantages, but you are not a wet nurse. That would take another contract and compensation, if you were even willing to do that. You have been more than generous, time for them to step up now.

Competitive-Eye-1342 said:

Your sister is an ahole, she should be kissing the floor you walk on, not bothering you and trying to make you her in home wet nurse. You have your own life and kids, she can wait for you to pump a couple times or she can swap to formula. As long as her kids eat. This is not your issue and you’ve done more than enough. NTA very clearly but your family is.