'AITA for taking away my daughter's bike because she wouldn't wear her helmet?'
"AITA for taking away my daughter's bike because she wouldn't wear her helmet?"
My daughter 12f just got a brand new bike for her birthday a few days ago and has been riding it a lot. But one day I 42m noticed she was riding it without wearing her helmet and was quite concerned, I reminded her that she needed to wear her helmet every time she rode her bike and she said "okay." I thought that meant she would wear it from now on but she didn't.
I saw her riding around on her bike several times without her helmet on and repeatedly told her to wear it but she never did, I asked her why she didn't want to wear it and she told me her brother 16m told her she looked ret**ded when she wore a helmet. I explained to her that if she didn't wear her helmet she couldn't ride her bike anymore but she still refused to wear it.
Today when I saw her yet again riding the bike without a helmet, I just told her to get off and she did, then I took her bike and locked it up in the garage and told her she could have it back after a week but ONLY if she promised to wear her helmet while riding it from now on and she had to actually wear it.
She got very upset and went and told my wife 42f this and now she's very upset with me too. She says I'm overreacting and being cruel because she only is reluctant to wear her helmet because of what her brother said and now she's being punished for her brothers mean comment.
I said she has to wear a helmet no matter what mean comment her brother may have made because safety comes first. But she and our daughter our still very upset with me and haven't spoken to me since.
AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
kegzy wrote:
INFO: How have you disciplined your 16yr son? Your NTA for giving your 12 yr consequences of riding without a helmet, but it has to be in tandem with your son being punished for insulting his sister enough to cause her to not wear a helmet. I would suggest that at the end of the week you take her to buy a new helmet that she will want to wear.
OP responded:
Well we haven't done anything really, from what we understand it was just one mean comment about looking re***ded wearing the helmet.
MinnGranny wrote:
My son had been 17 for exactly 30 days. It was a rainy Sunday night. While riding bikes with a few friends, without a helmet on, he got hit by a car going 55 in a 30 mile an hour zone. He had road rash over 50% of his body, a broken hip and a traumatic brain injury that caused him to have seizures and see a neurologist for over 5 years.
Now, as a full adult of 43, he has cluster migraines. Good for you for making your daughter wear a helmet. Don't allow her and your wife guilt trip you into letting her ride without one. NTA.
Evening_Ad6180 wrote:
I've got bad news for you...the helmet wouldn't have made much of a difference getting hit by a car at that speed while being on a bike.
My cousin flipped over his handle bars at a low speed when we were ~7 y/o and the helmet was cracked and separated all the way through, down the middle. Getting hit by a car at that speed would've just possibly prevented one impact by his head against something and very insignificantly.
Fianna9 wrote:
NTA- but have you talked to your son about any of this?! First of all, he probably isn’t wearing his helmet. Second he is bullying his sister into doing something dangerous.
You are right. But you might not be dealing with this in all the best ways.
Readmedrmemory wrote:
NTA but why are you not interested in disciplining your son for undermining you and putting his sister in danger? Why are you not forcing him to wear a helmet? What are you doing to educate your family, particularly your wife, about your reason for concern?
You seem to just be falling back on your authority as The Dad to boss your daughter around by locking up her bike. You're right and they're wrong, but it's three-against-one here for a reason.
ulalumelenore wrote:
NTA, but you need to have a very serious talk with your son- both about his choice of language and being mean to his sister. I 100% agree that your daughter shouldn’t be off the hook for not listening to you, but you need to also address that other issue.
Nester1953 wrote:
So your son gets to say horrible things to his much younger sister and there are zero consequences for him? Wow. I'm not saying that a kid should get to ride a bike without a helmet, or that taking away the bike for a week was inappropriate (it was very appropriate; how is it a cruel over-reaction not to permit a child to endanger herself and violate safety rules).
But I think that the person you need to be dealing with here, and for whom there need to be consequences, is you son. Unless it's OK for him to be vicious to his sister. So NTA in terms of the consequence to your daughter, but a complete A in terms of your son.
DifferentBumblebee74 wrote:
Based on OP's other comments they have not talked to the son and minimize his behaviors. They assume it was one comment that was mean to the daughter so it isn't even worth talking to him. The fact that the son is using slurs and bullying to encourage unsafe behavior is a non issue. But the daughter is the real problem obviously /s
calicodynamite wrote:
NTA for taking the bike but you need to deal with son also. He started this problem, and that sounds like he isn’t wearing a helmet either then? His bike should be taken away too (if he has one) or his license/car keys.
If he’s going to encourage a younger kid to make unsafe decisions, he’s not mature enough for those things. Your daughter sounds just the right age for the book Mick Hart Was Here. Read that as a kid, never forgot it.