Husband’s ex found in his home wearing only a towel, wife demands house key back. AITA? CONCLUDED!
"AITA for taking away the keys of our house from my husband's ex-wife?"
A couple of days ago, I came home from a work meeting and was unpleasantly surprised to find my husband's ex-wife wandering around the house, fresh out of the shower, with only a towel wrapped around her body.
I felt absolutely hysterical, though I didn’t show it. She had the keys because her daughter (who is also my husband’s daughter) spends more time at our house than at hers, so she occasionally comes to "visit" her.
This time, I didn’t hold back. I demanded that she give me the keys and told her she wasn’t allowed to come over while I was not home. My husband was asleep in the bedroom and had no idea that his ex-wife was even in the house.
When I asked my stepdaughter why her mother had stayed, she simply said that she wasn’t planning to leave until her dad woke up. My mind immediately interpreted that as an attempt at seduction.
In short, I took away the house keys and told her that it wasn’t necessary for her to come see her daughter on weekdays when my stepdaughter went to her house already on weekends.
If she needed to come over for something important, she had to ask for permission. She called me crazy, but my husband backed me up, which was the only reason she eventually left without making a scene. Today, I started wondering if maybe I overreacted and handled things immaturely, but at the same time, I don’t want her around my 4-month-old baby when I’m not home.
EDIT: to avoid more accusations, I checked the entire chronology of the cameras at home and my husband was sleeping with our baby all morning, he didn't even know she was home but he was angrier than me when he saw her and even insisted that we report her.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
You’re definitely NTA and she was trying to seduce your husband imo. She should’ve never been given a key and her reaction of getting mad says everything about her intentions.
Why did she have keys in the first place? And how old is the daughter? Bigger question is why was the husband sleep and she was showering? Sounds suspect. Can't help but think you arrived after their activities...
Ethereal_Wife (OP)
She always had the keys in case of an emergency while we were traveling. My stepdaughter is 17 years old. And the last thing, my husband had spent the night awake at work, so he slept all day. Although I also thought like you at first, I immediately checked the cameras I have in some areas of the house to monitor my baby (including in the bedrooms).
Yeah, the shower is messed up. How far away does she live? So she comes over, showers and is walking around your home, in a towel, while your husband is sleeping? I have friends over all the time and if they needed a shower for any reason feel free, but no one ever has. If she has a husband or boyfriend, he should be told. But she sounds sad, lonely and desperate so probably not.
Ethereal_Wife (OP)
It's obvious that she did it to annoy me in some way, I just didn't think she had that kind of childish behavior at her age.
NTA . But that’s a huge overstep and really weird on her part. Time for some boundaries.
How often does she swing by for a shower when you are not around and why was the daughter so chilled about her being there.. Sounds like something she does often? Sounds like a massive clash in values and or for lack of better words, she put your husband to sleep. Either way NTA but boundaries need to be set.
Ethereal_Wife (OP)
She didn't usually come to the house much before, but lately she seems "very concerned" about being present in her daughter's life. And my stepdaughter wasn't that calm, in fact, she was the one who sent me a message saying that her mother was in home, although I never thought I would find her in a towel.
Emergency use of someone else’s key doesnt include the ex wanting to take a shower in that person’s house. Wanting to make sure the stepdaughter came home safely also doesn’t include stepping inside someone else’s house and wandering around. She’s lost her key privileges. NTA.
What the actual hell? The woman took a shower in your home while her ex-husband - who is now YOUR husband - was asleep and you’re asking if you’re an AH or overreacting? Let’s be clear, it’s a big no to both. She has no business having keys to your home and proved she cannot be trusted not to act inappropriately.
Unless she’d just been doused with radioactive material, she didn’t need a shower at that moment, again - in your home. There’s no excuse for her behavior and it’s disgusting.This woman has no shame and is trying to break up your marriage. Don’t let it happen. What is wrong with some people? NTA.
Fifteen days later, the OP returned with a update.
Hi, it’s me! The woman who found her husband's ex-wife in her house wearing a towel. I've seen that things have gotten pretty out of control (to the point where it's spread all over the internet), so I'm here to clear some things up and give some updates.
First of all, we’ve changed all the locks, and although my stepdaughter has her own key, she’s not going to risk losing her father’s trust, especially after the serious talk they had.
After my husband started the process for a restraining order, his ex-wife’s sister reached out to us. She told us that the ex-wife was feeling empty and threatened because of me.
I’ve been living with my husband in this house for three years, and she had never done anything like this before, so it seemed extremely strange to me that she would pull this kind of stunt right after I gave birth to my son.
Anyway, my husband’s ex-sister-in-law assured us that she was going to receive psychological treatment and that we could move forward with the restraining order. She just asked us to understand that the ex-wife seemed to be falling into some kind of depression that was preventing her from thinking clearly.
As for why I feel so bad and why I haven’t reacted more aggressively, I have an explanation: Since giving birth a few months ago, I’ve felt slow, dumb, and a bit confused about everything.
I never had serious trouble defending myself in english before, but now I do, and my emotions are all over the place, leaving me feeling distressed in any dramatic situation.
To wrap things up, I’d like to clarify a few points:
No, my husband has not cheated on me with the woman he’s been having issues with for 11 years. I checked the security cameras, and he was asleep next to our child during the hour his ex-wife was showering downstairs.
That bathroom is pretty far from the bedroom. My stepdaughter was barely involved in her mother’s plan. In fact, she was the one who alerted me that her mom was in the house and that she had no idea why.
Normally, her mom would let her know before visiting, and only if my husband wasn’t home. Yes, that woman only did it to get under my skin and make herself feel better. Spoiler: she won’t be coming near my family again.
In any case, thank you for the support and all the advice. I’m glad to know that there are still understanding people who have stood by me in a moment when my emotions faltered and made me doubt myself.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
My guess is the birth of your son pushed her over. Until that point. She thought she had the upper hand because she and your husband had the bond of a shared child. In her mind, she was still the primary relationship and you were temporary.
Now, you have the ring AND a child and that blew up her fantasy. Go forward with the restraining order. Her mental health is on her to manage and she has her own relatives to support her through that.
NTA. That is absolutely a violation of privacy and scary! Shes being a complete creep and needs to be put in her place aka out of the picture.
NTA. You need a restraining order yesterday. If his ex is unable to control her emotions you need protection from her. Draw your line in the sand and make it clear that any violations of the RO will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
I remember this post, glad you changed the locks. Although it’s sad that the ex is having mental health struggles you are not obligated to deal with her issues and need to follow through on the restraining order to avoid any potential harm to your family and new baby, remember this women may not be thinking clearly so again not worth the risk.
Keep going with that RO! It doesn’t matter that she’s depressed. That’s not your problem. Great, she’s getting help. That still doesn’t take away how violated you felt with her in your house.