'AITA for taking away my friend's plus one since she plans to bring her affair partner?' UPDATED

"AITA for taking away my friends plus one because it’s with someone she is cheating with?"

I 28F and my 26F fiancé plan on getting married later on this year. We are having a small wedding, guest count of only 50 with family and close friends so most people know each other. The problem comes from our one friend, we will call Jan, and her plus one Mak.

Jan and I have been friends for about 10 years and Jan and Mak have been friends since they were in high school but I met Mak through Jan during college, about 7 years ago. So all 3 of us being friends, originally I told Jan she could bring Mak as a plus one so that with the small wedding she would at least know someone there. (She knows other college friends but just has been a while since they have talked)

Now the problem is, since us telling Jan she can have a plus one, that was a friend, Jan and Mak have since started a relationship. For context Jan is a lesbian and Mak presents as straight and has never dated a woman.

No big deal with starting a relationship right? Well the problem is Mak was already in a relationship with a guy, we will call Corey. Mak and Corey have been together for 2 years and just had a baby a year ago who is now 1. Jan knows this as she is the baby’s god mother and actually babysits sometimes for them, driving from hours away to do so.

All the while Jan and Mak are sleeping together in Mak and Corey’s home that they share while he is at work, taking trips together for their birthdays and even spent the holidays together because they are best friends and Corey has no idea because he doesn’t know Mak is into women and presents as a straight woman just hanging out with her lesbian friend and childhood friend, so he expects nothing.

Everything I know about what Mak and Jan have done Jan has told me as a friend and also my fiancé over calls and my fiance has mentioned that she is playing with fire and they both need to stop.

They have taken a birthday trip with 2 other friends last month and acted as a couple the whole time, holding hands, posting photos together but again, as friends but since I know they are having a relationship it is obvious posting as a couple.

Jan said she loves Mak and she asked Mak if she will even leave Corey and Mak has now mentioned that she loves Jan and Corey and it’s complicated because she has a baby with Corey.

Now with things more complicated than expected, my fiancé and I together have decided it would probably not be best to have Mak now as a plus one because we do not condone their relationship but also if them cheating comes out we don’t want them being in a relationship/dating at our wedding being a thing as it is really just completely disrespectful to him, who we both have met as a couple maybe twice.

Our wedding is out of state so they plan on making a whole trip out of coming together for the wedding to basically being a couple for that time and cheat.

AITAH for taking away her plus one? It just feels wrong to me but I do also doubt they would be super out with it at the actual wedding itself.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

samse15 said:

You should really tell the guy whose life is a lie about what’s happening around him. And then disinvite both friends - why would you want cheaters at your wedding?

FelineSoLazy said:

It’s understandable you don’t want drama at your wedding but if you don’t condone your friends behavior perhaps the more mature thing is to have a chat with your ‘friend’ because at the end of the day you can’t control your friends actions. If you’ve outgrown the friendship or feel J is revealing her true colors, that is the bigger issue than who is her +1. Best of luck.

OP responded:

I definitely will need to have a talk with J, not sure if I would with M at all. I’ve expressed to J not being okay with it or wanting to be around all of them in a setting anymore because I have been around M, J and C as all friends before but now I couldn’t do that at all.

And Zestyclose_Public_47 said:

NTA but I might be letting the boyfriend know what's going on.

Two weeks later, she shared this update:

For a quick update I had 2 friends Mak and Jan sneaking and sleeping together while Mak is in a relationship with Corey and has a 1 year old with him. Jan I invited to my wedding and gave a plus one but took it away once they started cheated. Jan and Mak are women and Corey is a guy so he also doesn’t think/know Mak is into women.

Anyways, the update. I sent a message to Jan about needing to talk and how I felt we didn’t want that at our wedding. Jan called me and mentioned I knew about it before and thought it was my fiancé’s idea to uninvite Mak. Even after explaining no and this is a decision made by us both Jan mentioned understanding and not having Mak but attending to support us. The end right? Wrong.

Since, Jan has been more distant but a few weeks passed and things kinda went back to us sending memes, making jokes, etc. Then it turns out one of Mak’s friends dms on Instagram Corey and tells him that Mak and Jan are cheating. Jan calls me and basically accuses my fiance of being the one even though she was alseep next to me as they are actively talking to this person.

She asked me to sneak and not tell my fiance but look through her phone, laptop and all her stuff to see if she told any of her friends and to check to see if she has any apps. She wants to me sneak to do it to “not raise flags with her” I tell her that it’s not my fiance and we end our call. From then she texts me asking me to still look and sends me and instagram of the person they think sent Corey the message.

(Just a side note: my fiance has barely any social media, just an old Facebook page but she hasn’t used to upload our engagement photos 2 years ago and marketplace.)

From this moment I have just cut main contact with Jan. I told her it’s not my fiance after she kept texting and she has mainly been silent but her asking me to sneak and lie in my relationship just so she can continue to sneak and cheat in whatever she has going on is just disrespectful. So she will not be coming to the wedding as most people said in the first post she should’ve been uninvited in the first place.

So hopefully I think this is the last update. No sign of if he actually knows they are cheating but from the looks of it they talked their way out of it. I won’t be asking around to know because just like our reason for not having them at the wedding, we don’t want the drama. Thanks all who listened and comments on the first post. Jan was not a real friend in the long run.