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Stepfather takes back car gifted to stepdaughter after being called 'pathetic.' AITA?

Stepfather takes back car gifted to stepdaughter after being called 'pathetic.' AITA?

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"AITA for taking back the car I gave to my stepdaughter after she disrespected me?"

I (45M) married my wife, Clara (43F), five years ago. She has a daughter, Lily (17F), from her previous marriage. I’ve always tried to build a good relationship with Lily, but it’s been an uphill battle.

She’s polite but distant and has made it clear I’m “just her mom’s husband.” Still, I’ve done my best to support her driving her to soccer games, helping with homework, and showing up whenever I could.

Clara hasn’t been working for the past two years. She left her job to pursue her dream of becoming an artist. I supported her decision, even though it meant I had to take on more hours at work to keep us afloat. It’s been tight financially, but I wanted Clara to feel fulfilled, and I believed we’d get through it together.

Last year, Lily got her driver’s license, and despite the extra strain, I worked overtime to save up and buy her a used car. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a 2010 Honda Civic, but I wanted her to have some independence.

I thought it might also help bridge the gap between us. When I handed her the keys she seemed happy even gave me a hug which felt huge coming from her. I thought we were making progress.

Last month, I overheard Lily talking to a friend. She said, “I hate him. He’s pathetic, thinking that car will make me like him. I just pretend to be nice so Mom doesn’t get mad.” Her words felt like a punch to the gut. I’ve sacrificed so much to support this family, and hearing her mock me like that crushed me.

I told Clara what I’d overheard, hoping she’d back me up, but she brushed it off. “Lily’s a teenager. She doesn’t mean it. Just let it go.” But I couldn’t let it go. A week later, I asked Lily directly if she really felt that way. She didn’t deny it.

She just shrugged and said, “I didn’t ask for the car, so I don’t owe you anything.” When I told her how much her words hurt, she rolled her eyes and said, “If you’re that upset, take the car back. I don’t care.”

So, I did. The next day, I took the spare key, drove the car to a dealership, and sold it. I figured the money could go toward the bills I’ve been struggling to cover since Clara stopped working. When Lily found out, she was furious.

She called me a “petty jerk” and said I was punishing her for “being honest.” Clara blew up, too. She accused me of overreacting and claimed I’d ruined my relationship with Lily permanently.

Clara argued that I should’ve consulted her first and said my actions were unfair, especially since Lily is “just a kid.” She also pointed out that Lily is already struggling emotionally because of our financial situation, which she says I’m “constantly bringing up.”

But I’m tired of being disrespected. I’ve worked so hard to keep this family afloat while Clara chases her dreams, and I feel like I’ve been taken for granted by both of them. Now the house is tense.

Clara says I need to apologize and consider buying Lily another car, but I feel like that would just enable her behavior. AITA for taking back the car I gave her after she disrespected me?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Lucky-Effective-1564

NTA. Clara can get a job and save up for her disrespectful daughter's car.

Exactly that. And also her own home.

I fail to see what OP is getting out of this arrangement, other than financial ruin.

Why are you with your wife when she doesn’t work and doesn’t respect you enough to stand up for you ? They treat you as if you’re an ATM. NTA.

This whole thing is so messed up. Like, u went above and beyond for Lily, and she just threw it back in ur face. it’s about the complete lack of respect. And the fact that Clara is brushing it off and blaming u is just adding insult to injury. It sounds like u’ve been carrying a lot of weight financially, and their lack of appreciation is just heartbreaking. I think u did what u had to do.

NTA. Stop being such a God damn doormat for these subterranean cretins, OP! They don't respect a God damn thing you do for either of them. Divorce Clara and leave her and her ungrateful wench of a daughter on their asses!

NTA - She disrespected you, said she didn’t care about the car anyway, what did she expect? She is 17 although a child, she is not a little girl. Actions have consequences. She is aware her actions are hurting you and doesn’t care.

Struggling mentally for whatever reason is not a reason to behave like an AH. Honestly if they bring up the « struggling emotionally » say that in that case she doesn’t need a car but she needs therapy to help her navigate her emotions and it’d be wiser to put money towards mental healthcare 🤷🏻‍♀️

NTA. You worked extra hours to give her a car, and she turned around and called you pathetic? That’s not teenage angst; that’s entitlement. Clara brushing it off isn’t helping either. Respect is a two-way street, and you’ve already gone above and beyond.

I know it sounds harsh but get legal advice and get them both gone. You're wife sounds such a user! You are struggling to provide a home for the pair of them with very little appreciation.

NTA - she is not a child, in some countries she would already be considered an adult. You don't owe her a damn thing and if she can not treat you with basic respect then don't give her anything other than 3 hots and a cot. Tell your wife that you respect that she is going for her dream, and you have been happy to support her. That does not mean you have to support a disrespectful brat.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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