'AITA for taking back my engagement ring?' 'My fiancé lied to me.'

"AITA for taking back my engagement ring after finding out my fiancé lied to me?"

Hey guys so, I (28F) have been engaged to my fiancé, Merl (30M), for about two years now. We've been in the middle of planning our wedding for the past year. Everything seemed to be going fine, until recently, when a couple of things came to light that completely threw me off.

Merl had always reassured me that he’d saved up enough money for the wedding, and I believed him because, well, why wouldn’t I? But last week, I found out he’s actually been borrowing money from his parents to pay for wedding stuff. Not just a little, either...it’s like half of what we’ve spent so far.

He didn’t tell me any of this upfront. I found out because his mom casually mentioned how happy she was to help us out. I asked Merl about it, and he admitted he’d been lying.

On top of that, he’d told me months ago that he was working on improving his credit score so we’d be in a good place financially after the wedding. Turns out, that wasn’t true either. He hadn’t done anything to improve it, and I found out his credit score is worse than he led me to believe.

I confronted him, and he apologized, but it felt like he was just sorry he got caught. He kept saying he didn’t want to worry me with financial stuff, but I feel like trust is such a huge part of marriage. If he’s willing to lie about money, what else might he lie about?

I told him I needed some time to think about everything and that I didn’t feel right wearing the engagement ring right now. I didn’t say I was breaking off the engagement entirely, but I did take the ring off and give it back to him, which honestly broke my heart to do.

He was crushed and begged me not to do it. He said the ring meant so much to him and was a symbol of our love, but at this point, I feel like the trust is broken, and I don’t know how to move forward until he’s honest with me about everything.

His reaction has made me question myself, though. He’s been saying I’m overreacting and that every couple goes through things like this...I love Merl, but I can’t just pretend this didn’t happen. AITA for taking back my engagement ring and putting everything on pause after finding out Merl lied?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ascou1 said:

NTA. Trust is the foundation of any marriage, and Merl’s repeated lies about finances are a huge red flag. You’re not overreacting—you’re setting boundaries and taking time to reassess a serious commitment. It’s better to address these issues now than to ignore them and face bigger problems later. Stand your ground; your feelings are valid.

Phuyu said:

NTA. Taking off the ring isn’t about ending the relationship—it’s about pausing to address serious trust issues. Merl’s lies about money and his lack of transparency are major concerns, especially when building a future together. You’re right to prioritize honesty and accountability before moving forward with marriage. This isn’t overreacting; it’s being responsible.

Honest_Weird_9715 said:

NTA something like finances are important because once your married it becomes your problem too. Also they lying…trust is broken. The question is if you want to give him another chance.

loanfirmx said:

You are NTA. It's reasonable to be upset after discovering that your fiancé lied about finances, as trust is crucial in a relationship. Taking the engagement ring back and needing time to think is a healthy response.

His reaction of guilt-tripping you is concerning, and it's important to prioritize your emotional well-being. You have every right to take a step back and process everything before deciding how to move forward.

PrincessBella1 said:

NTA. That is not the way to start a life together. In debt to his parents because he lied to you.

BroodLord1962 said:

NTA. Money is such a big part of any relationship and if you cannot trust him you should not stay with him. He has done nothing to prove he can be better with money and he has lied to you. Going ahead and marrying this guy would be a big mistake