'AITA for taking back a handmade scarf I gave to a friend after she made fun of my knitting hobby in public?'
"AITA for taking back a handmade scarf I gave to a friend after she made fun of my knitting hobby in public?"
I (28F) love knitting. It's my way to relax, decompress, and show love to the ppl in my life. Last month, I spent weeks making a scarf for my friend Sarah (29F) for her bday. It was in her fave colors, super detailed, and honestly one of the best things I’ve made. At the time, she seemed happy about it. She even posted about it. Cool, right?
Well…last night at a party, someone complimented her scarf and Sarah literally laughed and went, “Oh this old thing? [OP] made it. She spends all her time with yarn instead of, you know, having a life.” Then she said she only wore it outta pity and joked about it being “so last season.” I was right there. Heard all of it.
I was honestly so embarrassed. Later, when we were alone, I walked up to her, gently took the scarf off her neck, and said something like, “If it's such a pathetic pity gift, then you don’t need it.” She looked stunned.
Now she’s telling everyone I’m petty and jealous and overreacted. Some people are saying I should’ve just ignored her. But idk…it really hurt.
So…AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
GrapefruitNo9284 wrote:
WTF, NTA OP. I'm sorry that happened to you. What a horrible thing for her to say. Let's put the scarf aside for a second. Do you even actually want to remain friends with someone that bashes you publicly for a few cheap laughs at a party? What she said was completely unnecessary and it doesn't sound like she's actually your friend.
OP responded:
Thanks, I get that. She could’ve just been honest instead of making fun of me in front of everyone. It really hurt.
First-Preference-399 wrote:
NTA. She got a compliment, and in turn decided to talk badly about you Wtf I think you handled it perfectly, as you waited for being alone before doing so. In which world is it okay to make fun of a gift someone gave you and then of their hobby? Even if it's bought this wouldn't be okay, much less since you put so much effort into it. Whoever tells you that you overreacted is not your friend.
OP responded:
This!! Like it wasn’t just the scarf, she insulted me too.
doyousmellmel wrote:
NTA, I think it’s a really cool headed reaction. Words have consequences and she just found out. Personally I don’t like knitted things and wouldn’t wear it. But if you guys are good enough friends, this is something she could express to you. We don’t have to enjoy the same stuff our friends enjoy but we can lift them up doing it.
I also wouldn’t talk like this about my friends to others, especially if that person is around. Did she not know you were able to hear it? Either way sucks. Sometimes we find out some friends aren’t really friends and it hurts. Letting these people go will only make you feel lighter. Good luck OP and keep doing what you love!
OP responded:
Right?? Like we don’t gotta like all the same stuff, but damn, basic respect you know?
Bubbly-Imagination49 wrote:
NTA, she is lucky you took it off her neck. I may have used it on her neck before taking the evidence...I mean scarf. Handmade gifts gets a bad wrap (pun intended) but people don't realize the time, energy and love that goes in to making them. She doesn't deserve the scarf or your friendship.
dreamylassie wrote:
NTA, you devoted a whole lot of care, time, effort, and expense to make your friend a beautiful personalized gift from the heart. The fact that she would make fun of the gift and your love of knitting feels both disrespectful and ungrateful. Frankly, I’m not sure I’d even want to remain friends with someone after being treated like that.
jules-bee43 wrote:
I have a crocheted afghan that my great grandmother made. It’s hideous. The colors are awful and it’s the scratchiest thing on earth. And yet, it’s prominently displayed on my sofa- because Nan made it with love and care (50 plus years ago and it’s in better shape than 90% of the other blankets in my house). My husband and I argue over it at least one a year.
Why do we still have this? Because it’s something she touched. It’s important to me despite how ugly it is. (The color choice was a product of the timing- early 70’s). This is how your fried should feel about your scarf. She’s not your friend. She is petty and mean. Imagine what she says about you when you’re not in the same room. NTA. But Sarah sure the f#$k is.
kawaeri wrote:
NTA. In the knitting community there is the saying “knit worthy” meaning are they worth your time, effort, and money you put into your finished objects that you’ve knitted? It really goes for any homemade craft truthfully. There is also the boyfriend sweater. Meaning you really test the relationship by knitting your boyfriend a sweater cause they tend to break up with you either during or right after.
Should actually be called the partner sweater however due to the knitters I know. Now you have shown us another knitting test the friendship scarf. Those that are worthy will stand the test of time, and the amount of time, effort, and money you put into it was worth finding out that she’s not a great friend.
I am sorry OP that you found out the hard way she’s not a great friend. PS. We demand pictures of your lovely finished project or a link to the pattern so we can see what you were working on and maybe give all of us other knitters ideas.
Beagle-Mumma wrote:
NTA. You've found out in a painful way that your friend is not knit worthy. I hope the colours and finished texture of the scarf are something YOU like! Wash of her rude karma and get cosy with your scarf. Oh, and block the so-called friend. She's rude, ungrateful, and crass; you deserve better.