'AITA for taking the money from selling my grandparents’ home and not sharing with my cousins?'
"AITA for taking the money from selling my grandparents’ home and not sharing with my cousins?"
I (25F) have an older brother (26M), it’s just the two of us, no other siblings. My mother is the oldest of two kids, she’s got a younger brother who is a deadbeat father to his 6 kids.
When my grandparents were alive, they bought a big house (7 bedrooms with a lake view) in the 1970s, but my grandfather only paid the 5k down payment before he had to quit his job due to a sudden stroke. My mom took up the responsibility of paying for the house AND paying for my grandpa’s medical expenses.
My grandmother was a SAHW and unemployed. My mom worked part time while working towards getting a degree and landed a great job with amazing perks (grandpa got medical insurance from mom’s job).
My uncle got my aunt pregnant at 17 and continued to have 6 more kids in 12 years before cheating on her, divorcing her and marrying the mistress. My aunt was a poor girl with no support from her family, my grandma took pity and asked her and my cousins to move in.
My mother continued to be the one to pay the bills, mortgage, kids basic needs and insurance. Aunt never offered to pay even when her dad died and left her a sum of money. Uncle only came back home when he wanted money from my grandma.
The kids are now adults (all older than me now) and 4/6 of them have good jobs. Yet no one in the past decade has ever contributed to the upkeep and bills. Granted 5 of them have moved out but my aunt and her youngest still lives there.
Now comes to the problem, since both my grandparents have passed, mom wants to sell. The house is in her name (grandpa SOLD the house to her when he couldn’t afford it anymore not just a change in name on the deed, the house is legally and wholly hers) and she wants to put in on the market.
That house can go up to 3.7 million now after numerous renovations funded by my mom and dad. The cousins got a whiff of this and started hounding via call and texts to my mom about how it isn’t fair that they weren’t in the discussion to sell the house.
And that their mom and sibling have to find someplace else to live, to which my mom suggested them to live with the oldest since she just bought a 4 bedroom home.
My mom initially, out of the goodness of her heart wanted to give them a cut but because they were being rude and causing problems, she wants to take the whole profit and put it in my brother’s and I’s trust funds.
They found this out when one of them (who was still in my mom’s good graces) were visiting our home and "found’" the paperwork on her desk. My mom is a neat and tidiest person I know, she doesn’t leave anything on her desk, that cousin must have SEARCHED for it.
They are now taking this to the extended family’s group chat about how unfair this is and that my grandparents wouldn’t have wanted this for them. A lot of people are rallying behind them and demonizing us now.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
GundyGalois said:
NTA He sold it to her. That's that. It's hers. If your grandparents have other money to be inherited, some sort of split is probably reasonable (straight to the 6 kids and bypassing you deadbeat uncle in my opinion), but the house no longer has anything to do with them.
CandylandCanada said:
NTA. This is a good time to learn that not every negative reaction from someone else requires a reconsideration of one's own behaviour. If a car drives on the wrong side of the road while the driver honks and shrieks at me angrily, I'm not going to question whether I'm in the wrong.
Just because there are two sides to every story doesn't make all opinions equally valid. Your mother has no legal, ethical or moral responsibility here. You should remind her that giving them money at this point won't fix their larger problems...
at best, she's adding to their procrastination which will only further exacerbate the issues. She could be doing more harm than good. She shouldn't risk her own children's inheritance to test that theory.
Betalisa said:
NTA. The house is legally your mom’s; the aunt and family had a place to live for free (for DECADES?). If your mom—who has been subsidizing auntie—wants to sell the house, it is her money, not an inheritance from the grandparents. Your mom could be super generous and give auntie $4000. For first and last month’s rent at an apartment.
No-Locksmith-8590 said:
Nta, your mom is not selling your grandparents' house. She is selling her house. This is not a family home where multiple people put money in to improve and update it.
yukimozz said:
NTA, the house was sold by your grandparents to your mom so your mom is the owner of that house and she can do whatever she wants with it, is she sells it she is not oblige to give cut to the other family members.
Trevena_Ice said:
NTA. And your mom should kick them out. As well as tell the family chat, that she bought the house, it is legally hers and she paid more then enough for the cousins and their mother to live there rent free. This is no inheritance for your mother and uncle. It is legally your mothers house.