"AITA for taking my gift back?
I’m (20F). My brother (25M) and his wife (25F) recently got engaged and married off quickly. They had a wine and dine wedding reception and went off to their honeymoon. Most people weren’t able to make it due to how quick everything happened.
A lot of people weren’t supposedly asking about gifts so my SIL put out an Amazon wishlist on her facebook. It wasn’t really unreasonable things, but like some were ridiculously expensive.
The price ranged from like 20-2000 USD. I didn’t want to get them anything off the list, in all honestly. Keep in mind, they didn’t live together before, so after their honeymoon, they are moving in somewhere when they come back.
I thought about how hard it was for me to move in and buy everything when I moved into my apartment. I decided to go to Walmart and buy household essentials; battery’s, extension cords, wall plugs, duct tape, scissors, candles, a blanket, trash bags, tool kit, jumper cables, stationary, stamps, first aid kit, things of that sort and so on.
I thought I was being considerate I guess, but I also felt like I should’ve added a personal touch so I made three square pillows and embroidered their last name with a small bird on each one (they love cardinals) I presented the gift to them when they got back.
We were all at my parent’s house checking in with each other... it was conveyed to me that this was not a good gift for my SIL. And I was told the gift was inappropriate and not ok by my brother. I apologized and left shortly after because it felt tense.
I got on my phone later that day to scroll through FB with a post from SIL saying “please don’t get anything that’s not on the Amazon list!!!!“ verbatim. And @‘d my brother and myself.
I went back to my parents' house later that night and I took my gift back. And I feel like AH for taking a gift back and even giving the gift in general was it inappropriate??? I Just want some advice.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - what you bought was a very practical and well though out gift - you never have enough of the general items when you move and their response was a little OTT! Make sure you make good use of everything and don't give it another thought.
I hate using the expression 'entitled' but they both come over that way based on what you have written. Next time they mention they didn't have x, y or z when they came back from their honeymoon, snort back a chuckle and smile serenely.
She legit tagged her in the post as a call out, entitled is putting it nicely. OP seriously it’s a smart well thought out gift, especially because you’re 20 years old and I imagine don’t have the finance some others do. My first home almost all my stuff was hand me downs or from Goodwill.
I didn’t think of the necessities like scissors, batteries or first aid kits till I needed them on the spot. Your SIL is a jerk. If she try’s to talk trash about you taking the gift back, remind her of the post she made (screenshot it) saying you didn’t want to make her uncomfortable with your inappropriate gift.
Their ingratitude doesn’t deserve to be rewarded with your thoughtful gift. And please don’t get them anything from the Amazon list, no matter how bad they (or your family) try to make you feel. I think your gift was an excellent idea. I might have to use it in future. Absolutely NTA.
NTA their reaction was uncalled for. I will say that the gift, while well intended on your part, wasn't one that made sense for their scenario. When you moved out you were moving fresh. When they moved in together, they'd be bringing along stuff from both of their places to fill a home together.
Just advice for future possible scenarios, that is great for an 18 or 20 year old moving into their first place by themselves, but doesn't make as much sense for a gift to celebrate a union.
It also isn't very personal. People spend a lot of time curating wishlists and registries with things they actually need and want, so choosing something in your price point from the list is usually the appropriate thing to do.
The pillows sound precious though and I'm sorry they didn't appreciate your intentions because it was truly a considerate thought and the way they reacted and called you out is completely disrespectful and uncalled for.
Do you know what they like? Candle smells, blanket styles and color, stationary, and throw pillows are very subjective. I personally hate when people buy me decor because I’m forced to keep it around and use it though it is 9/10 not my style or taste. And what if they already had trash bags(?), jumper cables, etc?
Yep, she's a bridezilla! No gift is required. Tell her you will do better at your brother's next wedding.
I mean, you already knew they had a list. You chose to do this knowing there was a list. If you wanted to spend money on them you should have stuck to the list. I get that you wanted to do better by them than what was on their list, but now they told you they wanted you to stick to the list. You don't have to give them anything at all, so it's not wrong of you to take the gift back especially since they told you they didn't like it.
I kinda see both sides in this. On the one hand, OP put a lot of thought into the gift and tried to make it something that was practical. On the other hand, trash bags and duct tape aren’t exactly fun gifts to receive. Personally, I wouldn’t have bought those items as a wedding gift. Usually I would buy from the registry, or maybe just give cash in a card.
As a gift recipient, I think I’d probably be a bit disappointed in receiving a bunch of random household stuff as a gift. It’s a bit… I dunno, boring? That said, I probably would have feigned gratitude and went on my day. I’m gonna say ESH here. OP sucks for choosing such a bizarre gift (even if they meant well), and SIL sucks for the ingratitude.