'AITA for taking my name off of the lease where my husband and his GF live?'
"AITA for taking my name off of the lease where my husband and his girlfriend live?"
Ok so this one is pretty long so buckle up so I can give you some background. I (53f) have been married to my husband 48m, we will call him Richard ( aka Dick!), for almost 17 yrs.
Our marriage has not been perfect. Especially the last 4 yrs. I suspected Dick of cheating but never could catch him. Until a couple of years ago I ended up in the ER because of a “not so Fresh “ feeling. I loved my husband very much. But this was the last straw. And this wasn’t even the “girlfriend” he is seeing now, we will call her Jane 43f.
The ER trip was more than enough proof that he wasn’t being faithful. I have not been with anyone other than him for the entirety of our marriage. So I openly told him I was looking for a job closer to my family. And leaving him to go there. I took a contract for a year. I left in 2023 and moved 1100 miles away to be near my family.
Dick and I texted daily. Some was arguing other conversation was more serious and sounded like he wanted to reconcile. So I still wasn’t sure. He assured me that there was no one there with him in our home . ( he is also a habitual liar). So I got in my car one night and drove.
All the way to my former residence. I arrived at 5:30 in the morning. I was tired. But oddly enough Dick was awake and met me on the porch in his robe. He clearly was NOT expecting me. So I proceeded to go inside and he tried to step in the way. I continued to go inside.
Introducing Jane. Standing in my kitchen cooking in a robe only. So I said how are you I am Dicks wife. Needless to say it wasn’t a pleasant visit. Not only did I have to go get a hotel and airbnb but Jane was living there.
This apparently happened three weeks after I left. This goes back and forth for the last couple of years where she’s there next she leaving next she is there. And now they are supposedly in love. wtf ever. Ok so to the lease part. My name was still on the lease to the house. On paper and even off paper, Dick didn’t qualify on his own.
So I have been more than generous to not take my name off so he didn’t face having to move. ( I know I shouldn’t care I’m just not that person ) Well now here we are and I moved back up here for a job. ( About 9 months ago)
He was trying to have his cake and eat it too telling both of us what we wanted to hear and playing both sides lying through his teeth. However, I just got a new job and I needed a home that was central to the three locations that I will get splitting my time between.
I got a $24K a year raise with this job so I couldn’t turn it down. Well the landlord who leased us the first house had a bigger house that was central to all three locations. It couldn’t have been more perfect.
So I called her and told her I don’t live at the other house anymore. I applied for this house and I am standing in the house typing this to all you potatoes. She has known me for 10 yrs and knows that I will take care of my responsibilities and this house.
So NOW Dick is pissed off and he can now be referred to as Richard Noggin. He has started telling everyone that I did this On purpose because I am trying to make him homeless. I have filed for a divorce from Mr. Noggin. I don’t think he should have the financial benefit of a wife on paper and not want the wife. He has also tried to financially ruin me.
This has been an emotionally difficult time. I have been struggling a lot but I am gonna be fine with this new job. Now I know I should have divorced him a long time ago. It was hard to just unlove someone you have been with for 1/3 of your life. I know I am trauma bonded. So my name came off the other lease and he is having to fill out an application for the house he has lived in for 10 yrs.
Technically he doesn’t qualify bc he can’t produce any stubs banking info or anything he runs a cash business as a mechanic from the house. So now he said I knew what I was doing f and wanted to put him out in the street. AITA for not keeping my name on the lease to be the “financial cushion” my husband thinks I should be for he and his girlfriend?
I don’t think I am but that’s how he is portraying it. I finally have the courage to stand up for myself and not let him walk all over Me. So AITA? Thanks.
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Standard-Debate-9307 said:
NTA. Let his girlfriend take care of him. Why would you want to be on the lease of somewhere you aren’t staying? That’s not fair to you. Cut all ties and move on, it’s not your fault if your ex-husband sinks like a rock.
KayScarpetta1 said:
NTA. You’ve been more than fair. You’ve actually been too fair to a pos who never deserved you. You’re finally cutting the remaining ties to this man. Keep snipping and don’t look back.
OP responded:
Thank you. I have talked to a therapist and honestly the person he is showing himself to be is the narcissist I know him to be now. I finally have the courage to be myself and stand up for myself
Far_Perspective_1438 said:
This is one of those occasions where you can tell someone that they are NTA - like in the history of NTA you are NTA of legendary status. There is absolutely less than zero reasons for you to keep your name on that lease. Your husband (soon to be ex) cannot expect you to fix his mess - he literally built a life without you lying and gaslighting his way through it.
Time for you to start to build your new life and this job and house seems like the perfect starting point. I am sending you positive and loving vibes as you start this journey.
apothekryptic said:
Providing shelter for your ex and his girlfriend is not your responsibility. Period. He needs to find housing within his means, or get a job on paper to qualify for the home he wants. It's his problem, not yours. You though? You've already done the most. Good for you for cutting ties and moving on - FINALLY.
Let him act a little b!tch baby, it reflects poorly on him, not you. Anyone that takes a single negitive thing he has to say about you seriously is as much of a loser as he is, and their opinion ain't worth sh!t. NTA
OP responded:
He is one of those people who told everyone when I moved that I just left bc I wanted another job and left him up here abandoned. I found this out when I came back up here to live
Jsmith2127 said:
Nta what do you want to bet that the gf thought he had money, and was taking care of everything on his own? His gf is lucky you didn't boot her ass out. I wouldn't have been the one getting a hotel
OP responded:
His girlfriend is actually a married woman herself. She actually has been footing most of the bill. I told her thank you bc she actually took my problem not my husband
creativekinda said:
NTA. I'd just tell him he is none of your concern anymore. Every move you make going forward is with your future and stability in mind. However that shakes out for him is his business.
OP responded:
That is exactly what I told him. This is the woman he wanted. It is no longer my concern how he lives dies or takes care of himself
The_Motherlord asked:
Who was paying the rent this whole time?
If he was paying the rent and the landlord knows it, where's the problem? Why can't he and girlfriend apply and get a place together without Mommy [you]? Geez. How old is Dick? You were married 17 years so he can't be 19 but he sure acts like a child having a temper tantrum because no one will get him his chicken nuggets.
And OP responded:
When I lived there the rent was paid and on time. Now the rent is late every month. And he scrapes together to pay. I don’t pay it at all I have my own rent to pay. So she works and he has his little business and that’s how they do it I guess. But he is the type to need to have someone support him at this stage in his life. He used to have a full time job and he worked very very hard.
How he loafs off and works when he wants sometimes all night. I’m finding out that him working from home enabled him to cheat a long time ago. So he won’t change that situation bc I was a fool for so long and now he has convinced this other person he’s a saint bc he moved her in when she didn’t have any place to go. So he “helped her."
So I have finally put my foot down with my new and growing self confidence and say yall have each other but you aren’t using me to do it. And I meant what I said. He is (you’re right ) pitching a temper tantrum bc he can’t have his way
Thoughts??