"AITA after taking my vehicle back from my ex?"
My ex and I split about 4 years ago after almost 20 years of marriage, and for the duration of our separation so far I've let her use a vehicle to shuttle the kids around (now 15 and 16yo).
She asked me recently if I would sign it over to her, and added that if not, she'd find a replacement vehicle and bring mine (title is in my name only) back. Then she bought a new vehicle anyways, and made overtures that she now wanted to sell it.
Since then, while she took her boyfriend for a road trip in her new car, I took mine back as she hadn't returned it. Now she's threatening legal action if I don't return it, without an adequate explanation for why she needs it back. AITA?
Edit 1: I'm in Canada, specifically Alberta, see my post below from "/legaladvice" for full details.
Edit 2: I should add for context that I'm currently giving her $7300/m combined child and spousal support under an interim court order, and prior to her getting that I was voluntarily providing almost $5k/m. Since that court order was issued, I have been moved within my company and no longer get overtime, and my bonuses, while significant in the past, are speculative in nature based on share price.
My net pay is about $9200/m and I've been ordered to cover all expenses related to the formerly matrimonial home that I'm living in (finally!) after she eventually moved out and into her boyfriends house with him, that she "rents" from him.
Meanwhile, she makes almost $90k/yr, and he makes about $160k/yr too.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Even-Economy8566 said:
If she bought a new car and was planning to sell yours, then taking back what’s legally yours isn’t petty, it’s protecting your own assets.
OP responded:
Ha! She did once say after filing for divorce that she was "protecting her interests."
Late-life-edit said:
She's either planning to let her boyfriend or the kids use your car. NTA. Glad you got your car back.
OP responded:
She was already letting her boyfriend drive it despite him owning his own vehicle.
CoveVibezz said:
NTA. It’s in your name, she said she’d replace it, and she already has another car. You let her use it for years to help with the kids, that was generous, but you don’t owe her ownership. She has no legal grounds to demand it back.
Exotic-Rooster4427 said:
'It's my car. You had it to drive my children around. You got a new car therefore no longer need this one so I am taking my car back.' Sell it or keep it. It's not her vehicle. I mean it could be a great car for your kids to start using.
Yo-KaiWatchFan2102 said:
NTA, that car is legally yours, it is in your name therefore your ex has a legal obligation to return the car to you, or you have the legal right to retrieve your property, I think your ex is just trying to scare you into you handing over your car, your ex knows she has no leg to stand on.
OP responded:
My thoughts exactly.
And Debbie0357 said:
No you are not the AH. Keep your car and ignore her, there is nothing she can do to you legally. Tell her to tell her boyfriend to buy his own car and not need yours!
Two days later, he shared this update:
So folks, it's been a crazy week. So many wanted updates, so here's what will probably be the first of a few to come.
She likely called the cops, though what she said, reported, or filed remains a mystery. I know though because there would be no other reason for an RCMP officer to show up at my door at 9:22am yesterday while I was at work.
Or for a bylaw officer to show up the day before, stand on the corner of my driveway and take pictures of my yard. Good thing I have a camera facing the porch and yard! Guess I'll be adding additional cameras too...
Also, yesterday her boyfriend left me a voicemail explaining that the house they live in, is in his name only, and then adding that I am not allowed to enter his property. Which is kinda funny for him to say since he lived in my house for a year without paying rent, and I'd seen him driving my vehicle around quite often.
Like, Dude! I have no reason to enter your property anymore anyways now that I've recovered my property from yours, so that's not really a worry for you, but cool, whatever.
OP's post from /legaladvice:
Context: My ex and I broke up about 4 years ago, and we have two kids, currently age 15 and 16, neither have a driver's license, and she and the kids live with her boyfriend. Initially the vehicle in question was financed, and I paid off the loan after we separated using my annual bonus from work. I have calculated my equity in the vehicle at about $25k and hers at $10k based on a recent valuation appraisal.
Not long ago, my ex emailed me asking if I would sign over a vehicle to her worth about $35k, and that if I didn't she would buy a vehicle for herself and return mine. I didn't bother responding at that time, but a few weeks later she bought a brand new SUV.
Last week, she messaged me indicating that she would like to sell it now, and when I reminded her that she had already indicated she would return it she got defensive.
So, while she took her boyfriend on a trip in her new car last weekend, I went to her place and took my vehicle back. I had kept my key to it this whole time.
The day after I took it back, I informed her that I had done so based on her previously communicated intent. And that I would return any contents to her next week.
To say she is apocalyptically angry would be putting it very lightly. The last few days have seen her threaten legal action, EPOs, police involvement etc. if I don't return it by a certain date and time.
I haven't left her without a vehicle as she just bought a new one, and she also drives her boyfriends vehicle too. My understanding is that I own >50%, it's currently located on my property, and I'm the registered owner and always have been. I didn't need to break into anything to collect it, merely walk up to it on the driveway, unlock it, and drive away.
What can she actually do here? Should I even be worried? Also, what can I do to stop her harassing me about it?