'AITA for taking the only two seat table in the restaurant all to myself?' UPDATED
"AITA for taking the only two seat table in the restaurant all to myself?"
I (35F) have given up on dating but still enjoy date activities, so once a month I take myself out on a date. I go out to the movies, museums and even mini golf by myself. And I always treat myself to a nice lunch/dinner around 3-4pm, after the lunch rush but before the dinner rush to so I have plenty of time to enjoy my food. For my “self-dates” I always look for a new restaurant to try.
Saturday I found this great little Mediterranean place. It’s a real gem, hidden away at the end of a strip mall, with murals on the walls, lovely guitar music, and only about seven tables total. When I got there only one other table was occupied and I sat in the only two seater table. The waiter got me my drink and I had just put in my order when a couple walked in.
They looked around the small restaurant, saw me at the only two seat table and approached the waiter. I was on my Kindle and not paying attention until I heard the waiter say “there are plenty of other tables”. They whisper argued for another minute before I heard the man say “she won’t take that long to eat. She’s all alone”. The woman huffed and they sat at the four seat table right next to me.
They ordered waters and loudly said they were still deciding what they wanted but were clearly stalling because she looked right at me as she said it. I chose to ignore it. When I treat myself to self-dates I go all out and order an appetizer, soup/salad, and entrée. My appetizer came out and I clearly heard the man say “see it’s just a small meal, she’ll be gone soon.”
I didn’t say anything and just enjoyed my food. When I finished the woman grabbed her purse like she was going to dash to my table before someone else came in, only for the waiter to bring out my soup. I took my time eating the soup as the waiter again asked the couple if they’re ready to order. The woman said they’re still deciding and needed water refills.
Then my entrée came out. As soon as they saw it the woman said, “are you f***ing kidding me!”
The food was amazing and even though I knew they were waiting for my table I took my time appreciating my meal.
Halfway through, the waiter again asked them if they were ready. The man said he was starving and ordered. The woman was clearly not happy but also ordered. I was tempted to order dessert too but I was stuffed. I paid my check and as I was leaving I saw the couple moving their plates over to my table, which hadn’t even been cleared off yet.
At the time I thought it was hilarious but, when I told my friends about it, they said I had been an AH. They said restaurants like that were for couples on dates not single people and that it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to move or gotten take away and eaten at home.
I said it was 4pm not prime date time and that there were five other tables to pick from, but they said I’d taken the most romantic table and ruined their date for my own enjoyment. Now I’m not sure and I’m asking the internet for an impartial judgement.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
slumberingGnome wrote:
NTA I hate when people get angry at single people just for existing. Single people need to eat too, and you shouldn't have to rush to "get out of the way". Ever.
OP responded:
Thank you so much! The friends who told me I'm the AH are all in relationships and think that my self-dates are weird.
AnselaJonla wrote:
NTA. Most places don't even have one person tables. It's more of an arsehole move to occupy a four seater as a singleton, unless there's no other option, than a two seater. It's not your fault that they wanted your table and didn't even have the courtesy to ask you directly if you wouldn't mind moving.
OP responded:
That's the part that was so wild to me that they didn't even ask. If they'd been polite about it I might have even moved, but they were just so passive aggressive.
doodschool wrote:
NTA. What lousy friends you have. There should be a discussion group for single diners—so we never have to have a meal together, but it’s judgment free zone. I’m so sick of hearing the response “wow, I could never do that by myself” Jesus. It’s food! You’ve done it by yourself since you were a toddler.
OP responded:
I've actually prefer eating alone now that I've gotten used to it. There's no awkward conversations pauses where you're looking for something to say, you don't have to worry if the other person is judging what you ordered, and it's not rude if I want to pull out my Kindle and keep reading a great book. I honestly don't know why more people don't go out by themselves.
lyan-cat wrote:
NTA.
Not single but pre-c-vid I loved taking a book to a restaurant and just enjoying a meal and some time alone.
People do get judgmental! It's none of their business how long you're there, or whether you are on a date. If the restaurant didn't want to serve you, they wouldn't have seated you. And the waiter should have seated the couple elsewhere or asked them to leave.
OP responded:
It was a a seat yourself kind of situation. The waiter totally knew what was up and kept giving me sympathetic looks. I don’t blame him because he was only a teenager I know how rough the food service industry is and he needed to make his tips. He totally had my back though and asked me if I was sure I didn’t want dessert. Next time I go I’m definitely going to try the baklava.
A month later, OP shared an update.
Just wanted to give my thanks to all of you who left such lovely responses to my original post. I did end up forwarding it to my friends and a most of them read it and apologized to me. I know a lot of people said that my friends were terrible but I think they really were just blinded by internalized societal standards for women.
They’ve all said they’ll back off on trying to get me to date and I may have even converted one of them to my way of self-dates. My friend 37F recently went through a divorce and is having a terrible time dating again. She was hesitant to go out by herself like I do so we did a kind of compromise.
We drove separately to a Japanese garden she’d been wanting to visit but that her husband never wanted to go to. We met up outside but went in separately, I wandered around the gardens and she went to a tea ceremony there by herself, so I was still close by in case she got too nervous.
Afterwards we went to the restaurant from the original post. This time the tables were configured so that there were several two top tables and there was no sign of the couple from the original post. Again, we went in separately and I went in first with my friend waiting five minutes before coming in.
I told my friend beforehand that she could either sit by herself and we pretend we don’t know each other or, if she was too nervous, she could just join me at my table. We both sat a separate tables and had a lovely time reading our books, enjoying the food, and occasionally sneaking glances at each other like little kids with a secret.
The food was just as good as the first time and I only ate half of my entrée this time so I had room for dessert. The baklava was just as good as all the other food, made with pistachio and walnut with real honey and rose water! My friend had a blast and is now planning her own solo outings to places and restaurants she’s always wanted to try.
The comments kept coming.
turuial wrote:
It always surprises me to find out that more people don't go out, whether to eat, see a movie, or what have you by themselves. I've reached that stage in my life where I find myself making excuses to not have to go out with other people, rather than find an excuse to do something alone.
kadaaju wrote:
If I were out eating with someone, I would honestly prefer a four-person table as opposed to a two-person one. More space for drinks, cutlery and plates. Two-person tables are nearly always tiny and cramped and I hate it.
Lissica wrote:
These people are frustrating.
What are you not supposed to go to a resturant solo ever? Why couldn't the couple just use a four person table and be happy!
pelageia wrote:
Ah, I love eating by myself. I do have a partner and I do love eating out with him, too! But also just by myself. This post reminds me that I should treat myself to some fancy place some day.