'AITA for taking my younger siblings away from my family and forcing my father's new wife to get a paternity test?'
"AITA for taking my younger siblings away from my family and forcing my father's new wife to get a paternity test?"
I (24F) am the oldest of seven kids. I’m a triplet (my brothers are also 24M), and we have younger siblings: 18F, 15M, 12M, and 10M. My parents had an arranged marriage for business reasons. Both come from affluent families, and it’s common for families like ours to have nannies raise their kids while they focus on their careers.
They weren’t very present growing up—mostly working, traveling, or leaving childcare to nannies and grandparents. When my grandparents became too old to keep up, the responsibility of raising my younger siblings naturally fell on me.
My mom and I have had a complicated relationship, but she divorced my dad when I was 18 and has been doing better since then. While she has visitation rights, she’s not deeply involved with the kids' day-to-day life. My dad quickly remarried his mistress and they have two daughters together (both from before his divorce with my mom).
Since I moved back home after college, my siblings have been spending more and more time at my house—for meals, homework help, or just to hang out. They’ve practically been living with me. My 18-year-old sister (a senior in high school) has even asked to move in with me permanently after graduation since she’ll be going to college nearby.
My dad hates this. He’s furious that the kids prefer me over him and his new family. He keeps saying they should be bonding with their half-sisters instead. The younger kids don’t want that—they say the half-sisters are entitled and spoiled, and they’d rather be with me.
Things came to a head when I confronted my dad and his wife. They refused to let the kids stay with me, but then promptly asked me to look after her daughters while they go on a week-long cruise.
The switch-up between refusing to let my siblings stay with me and then asking me to babysit her kids is insane and I said as much. She started playing the victim, and I snapped.
I told them my siblings wouldn’t be raised with the children of a cheater and demanded she get a paternity test for her daughters. (I honestly don’t even think they’re my dad’s kids.) My dad screamed that I’m tearing the family apart and “stealing his children” from him.
My grandparents agree with my father and they think I'm overreacting and that I'm just jealous of his new family. They've been giving me hell for not accepting change in the family, and they think I should help raise these two girls while their mother runs around spending my father's money. I personally don't think I'm overreacting but AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You are more of a parent to your siblings than your cheating father. You've already sacrificed your childhood raising your siblings, don't sacrifice your youth helping raise a stranger's kids.
Exactly, OP has already done her fair share of parenting. She's sacrificed more than enough as far as I'm concerned.
Exactly. At some point it stops being stepping up and starts being taken advantage of. OP already carried more than their share. It’s not selfish to say enough is enough and start living for yourself.
NTA - Tell dad to hire his next mistress to look after her kids.
NTA. Wouldn’t taking an Ancestry DNA test with the new wife’s kids at least show if they are related to you? Your grandparents are older and don’t want the responsibility of watching his former Affair partner turned wife’s kids. They want you the girl triplet to watch these kids while your brothers get a free pass? Your whole family sounds extra.
NTA - They want the help a DNA test is one of your conditions. Also you don’t have to take care of any children and if your siblings want to be with you I would fight for them in court.
NTA for feeling this way. It’s completely valid to want to protect your siblings and push back against being used as free childcare. That said, gaining custody of kids this young is extremely difficult (if that’s the end goal). Courts almost always favor the biological parent unless you can prove they’re unfit and show that you can provide a stable home, which means a formal legal process.
A paternity test likely won’t help if your dad has already acknowledged those children as his; the law tends to prioritize the existing legal parent/child relationship over biology. You’re well within your rights to say no to babysitting your dad’s other kids. You’re an adult, not a built-in nanny, and your siblings choosing to spend time with you isn’t ‘stealing’ them, it’s a reflection of where they feel safe and supported.
Expect pushback and more arguments, but don’t let them guilt you. If you want a stronger footing in the long run, try strengthening your connection with your mom maybe. Having her more present in their lives could give you additional leverage if things escalate legally. In the meantime, keep setting boundaries. You’re doing a lot for your siblings already, and that’s more than enough.
The audacity of your father saying that you're tearing his family apart makes me want to scream! He did this first by cheating on your mother and now trying to shove his two new daughters down your throat. Tell him to get them a nanny, like the ones that raise you and your siblings.
I'm so sorry that you and your siblings are having such a rough time. It unfair of him not to allow them to stay with you if that's what you and they want. He sounds like a monster. Hang in there. They grow up fast and I'm sure will leave his house as soon as their of age. It's sad that he's making it so difficult on his children.