'AITA for taunting my ex's widow after she lost her court case for visitation with my son?'
"AITA for taunting my ex's widow after she lost her court case for visitation with my son?"
The father of my son (4) left me for someone else when I (25f) was 6 months pregnant. Ex and this woman "Mavis" married when my son was 3 weeks old roughly. They demanded she come to his visits with our son and I refused.
My reason? They said he needed to get to know his mom as well as his dad and she was definitely his mom now. They were married and everything! And yeah that's how they argued it.
I never stopped him from seeing our son but I didn't allow her anywhere near my home and our son was 10 months old before ex could take him out for visitation. Then I could do nothing about her being there but at least she wasn't calling herself my son's mom in my home.
She did join my ex every time he dropped our son home with me and she would try to start a fight because I wouldn't let her hold him to say goodbye once ex handed our son to me. She'd get mad I would refuse to let her spend time alone with our son too.
Ex was awarded every other weekend visitation when our son was 18 months old. He lost that visitation when our son was 2 because his wife tried to take our son out of daycare without permission and the cops had to be called.
He went back to visits at my house and she was not allowed near my house or my son. That softened after a few more months. She had to issue an apology and take some classes and then every other weekend restarted.
Then my ex died last year. My son was with me at the time so there was no fight to get him back or her trying to run with him or anything, and I think she'd have tried to keep my son if my ex died during his visitation weekends.
Mavis then tried to sue me for shared custody as his other parent. That case was thrown out because she was not a legal parent and had no parental rights to my son. Instead she tried to sue for visitation and unfortunately that went to court.
It took a few months and we had two dates before the judge in order to get a ruling. She was denied visitation. It was decided she had not played a big enough role in my son's life AND she wasn't his family anymore. I was relieved. Mavis was screaming about appeals as we left court.
She tried to confront me a week after court and I was feeling so done with her nonsense and I taunted her and told her she would never be in my son's life again and go F herself because she's all alone now and with the way she acts it didn't surprise me. She started screaming after me but I kept going.
It was only afterward I wondered if it was unfair because she did lose my ex and she might have felt some genuine care for my son. IDK. I think she's just unhinged. But maybe I was still an AH. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. If she keeps contacting you, keep track of everything for a paper trail as you may need to get a restraining order against her. Also, double and triple check that daycare and/or school knows she is NOT allowed to take him. They probably already know this but it sounds like she may try regardless. Hopefully your little man is doing alright after losing his father.
Adding to this: don't block her yet if you haven't already, OP. Mute her but let her text you (don't answer calls). It'll help give you ammo you may need for future restraining orders.
I don't know if you're maintaining contact with father's family or not, but if he visits them, with or without you, make it clear she is not to be near him after her little kidnapping attempt.
Document everything as if you were handing it over to the police. Both historical and as stuff continues. Times, dates, facts, and witnesses. Hopefully you will never need to use it.
NTA - she wanted your child for her own, and it looks like given the option she will try to steal him anyway. Be very aware and protect him and you.
Seieinn (OP)
I've got a ton of protection measures in place. I had to do that before my ex died because I never trusted her after that daycare incident.
Nope. She sounds unhinged, I would consider moving and making sure she doesn't know where. NTA.
You thinking she may have run with your son if ex husband died while she had custody tells the whole story? NTA.
Seieinn (OP)
I am convinced she would have. She knew she hadn't a leg to stand on and I'd take him so she would have kidnapped him. As it is I'm relieved she never did it when ex was alive.
NTA. Firstly she’s unhinged, she has not in any way shown she will be good for your son to have in his life. Second he’s four, in a year he probably won’t even remember her, like, this isn’t a 12 year old that has formed some kind of bond to him due to having known him so long and he LIKES. This is a crazy woman that tried to snatch your child from daycare. So why should you show any goodwill in this?
Seieinn (OP)
She didn't care. I was told I could give them the baby to raise if I was finding it so hard to be alone.
NTA. My initial response was going to be Y T A, for the fact that you taunted someone after their spouse died... but after hearing the details on why, I cant argue against it. She went out of her way to cause you hurt, undermine your parentage and to stir the pot, effectively trying to replace you. After all is said and done, while I'd avoid taunting in the future, I don't think you were necessarily wrong.
Seieinn (OP)
I'll be avoiding her in the future period. Any attempt she makes will be sent to my attorney. But I'm hopeful that she's so alone now she'll pack up and move.