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Teacher gives 4th grade student inappropriate 'compliment,' mom's enraged, dad thinks it's a 'joke.' AITA?

Teacher gives 4th grade student inappropriate 'compliment,' mom's enraged, dad thinks it's a 'joke.' AITA?

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"My child’s teacher made an inappropriate comment towards her."

My 4th grade daughter came home from school & told me that her math teacher gave her a compliment. I'm guessing he framed it this way. He told her that as she grows into a young lady she’s going to fill out very nicely & said he's excited to see her growth over time. I was enraged. I don't want her going to this school anymore & I want to report this teacher.

My husband said the comment shouldn’t be taken too seriously because it was just a “joke." He said a report like this could ruin the teacher's whole life. My husband said not to ruin the guy's life because our daughter is already going to be leaving the school. He also thinks this guy could target our family if he finds out that he was reported & it could turn into a potentially dangerous situation.

I ABSOLUTELY think the comment should be taken seriously regardless. Would I be an AH to go against my husband's wishes & just report it even though she will no longer be attending that school? This is putting a lot of stress on me.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Esdill said:

Teacher here. I’ve taught 3rd-11th graders. This enrages me for you. Report it. Your daughter may not be the first or the last. Adults who make comments like that to children should reap the consequences.

Adventurous-Zebra-64 said:

NTA. Predators tests boundaries to see what they can get away with. If it was a misunderstanding, he will be horrified and extremely apologetic, never touching the subject again.

If he is testing a boundary to see if you are paying attention/what will get reported you will have drawn a line in the sand for him, protecting not just your daughter but other students. If he really is a creeper, his colleagues already suspect but they don't have the evidence to fire him. That evidence comes from pissed off parents.

We had a PE teacher that said/did creepy stuff all the time but between his friends protecting him and kids not reporting it took YEARS to get enough to rid ourselves of him. He was later arrested in one of those internet sting operations. He got fired because a mother reported creepy comments he made to her daughter.

juicyjuicebox1 said:

I say this as a male elementary teacher- file a formal report with admin ASAP. He won’t be fired and his career will be fine. However, if something extreme happens in the future there will be a paper trail established.

punkyspunk said:

Ask your husband that if it’s a joke, what’s the punchline? The teacher should ABSOLUTELY be reported, he made inappropriate/gross/sexual comments about a childs body and he works with these children your husband is a nonce and the school needs notified. That’s predator behavior.

Pickabetterusename said:

NTA. There’s a difference between “as you grow older you’re going to find out more what makes you an individual and as a teacher it’s a source of pride to watch my students grow.” And “yer’ gonna fill out nicely” report it.

If he wants to escalate it report it to the police. It may just be a miswording and he doesn’t understand it can be taken in a different way but it’s your right and responsibility to report things that make you uncomfortable. Especially someone with such a big part in your child’s development. Tell your husband to grow up if he’s scared of confrontation. Imagine if it’s true and he hurts a girl later on down the line. I’d not be able to live with myself

SirBrews said:

Nta. Wtf is wrong with your husband.

roman1969 said:

Role model how you want your child to grow up. Will she be a strong woman who will not put up with men’s BS, or will she find excuses for their poor behaviour and allow their mistreatment of her?

As girls we are given the line “Be a good little girl…don’t hurt feelings… oh I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way…he was mean? He must like you…oh she was raped, well what did SHE do to prevent it?” and other BS lines.

Allowing a man’s misbehaviour is allowing your girl to be mistreated, abused, and inappropriately spoken to. If her parents think it’s OK, then it isn’t a big deal right? And given her own Father thinks it should be swept under the carpet is hugely disappointing at the very least.

Go to the school and make that complaint. Your daughter needs to see you have her back, and that no man should speak to her like that, especially a teacher, what the hell has he been doing that he finds himself comfortable enough to say such a thing? NTAH. And too bad if his career is ruined, he should have thought of that before he creeped on a little girl.

Shdfx1 said:

There is no such thing as a joke between a grown man and a ten year old girl about him being excited about how she develops. Report the teacher. Then inform the police that the teacher showed pedophile behavior, and put him on their radar. Making a comment is not actionable, but they need to investigate if he’s touched anyone.

He’d have to be pretty far gone to come on to a ten year old girl. NTA. This is the hill you die on. Thank God your daughter has one protective parent, because your husband sure lacks a protective instinct.

Everyone unanimously agreed with OP for this one, and felt strongly that this teacher should be reported immediately. One report probably won't "ruin" his career, but it could protect future students down the road. What's your advice for this family?

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