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Tech employee refuses to marry retail worker without a prenup as a 'safety measure.' AITA? UPDATE.

Tech employee refuses to marry retail worker without a prenup as a 'safety measure.' AITA? UPDATE.


"AITA for refusing to get married without a prenup?"

I (M29) proposed to my fiancée (F27) a few months ago. We’d taken to trip to Italy and I proposed over a romantic dinner, call it cheesy, but she loved it and gave me an enthusiastic yes.

Ever since we returned home she’s been absolutely obsessed with planning every single detail, sometimes to the extent of calling me at work to confirm colors or styles of certain decor pieces.

I work in tech, it’s a pretty well known company and my job pays decently. My girlfriend works in retail, she obviously doesn’t make as much as me, but I don’t mind financially supporting her.

About a week ago we were enjoying a nice dinner she had cooked, we’d both had a long day and wanted some time to relax. While talking at the table my fiancée brings up the legal details of our wedding. I listen and nod as she speaks, occasionally cutting in to ask question and give input.

Towards the end of our discussion I make a comment about prenups, something along the lines of “I think we should file for a prenup at the same time we’re filing for our license." As soon as I finished saying this, I could see my fiancée’s stomach drop, her entire demeanor changed and she held an expression somewhere between angry and hurt.

She explained that we didn’t need a prenup, and quote, “It’s just pointless." She expressed that she planned on staying married forever so a prenup wouldn’t matter anyway.

I said that having a prenup would just make me feel more comfortable and that it was just a precaution. She seemed visibly upset by this and countered with, “Do you not trust me."

I explained that it had nothing to do with trust, it was simply about having it in the event something were to happen. She snapped saying that I was being unreasonable and if I didn’t trust her to just say so. I raised my voice and said, “I do trust you, I just want the prenup as a safety measure since I make more than you."

She looked shocked, and said nothing, but I kept going, “a prenup makes me feel more comfortable, if you don’t want to sign one then fine, but I can’t get married without it." She stormed off, walking out the front door with her keys in hand. I heard the car start and rushed out, but she’d already left before I could stop her.

I’ve been texting and calling, no response, the only sort of contact I’ve received was a message from her mom explaining that she would be staying with her until things cooled down. I feel bad for what I said, and I do regret the way I acted, however I don’t feel like my request was too much. So, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say:

msooldnow said:

Why is this the first time you’ve mentioned one? This is the sort of thing you talk about while you’re dating not after you’re engaged. No wonder she was blindsided.

DaveWpgC said:

Your income is irrelevant. Do you currently own high priced assets? If not, what do you think a prenup will do for you?

Far_Silver said:

You have the right to insist on one, but she has the right to be offended, and that doesn't necessarily mean she's a gold digger.

ladyofthelogicallake said:

I understand how a prenup is practical. But I bet she feels like she was planning your wedding, while you were planning your divorce. Definitely nothing fun or romantic about that.

FayeoftheDearborn said:

YTA for not bringing this up earlier. Also, you don’t seem to understand what a prenup actually is or how to get one.

Suspicious_Spite5781 said:

NTA. Prenups can be hurtful but are necessary. No one ever gets married thinking “I can’t wait to get reamed by someone who swore they loved me but now hates my very existence.” Ya know what? That happens a lot. Protect yourself. If she can’t appreciate that, then she’s not the one for you.


It’s been about 4hrs since the initial post, I’ve still heard nothing from my fiancée. I’ve considered going to her mother’s house, but that feels like an overstep. I don’t want to shake things up while they’re still tense. For everyone asking, I own the house we currently live in together, I own my car and she owns hers.

I pay over 50% of the bills, which I don’t mind, because I understand that she doesn’t make as much as I do. I’ve taken some time to reflect on the whole event and I’m still not sure if I’m completely at fault.

I want to stay with this amazing woman, and I definitely should have mentioned a prenup prior. I figured since we see eye to eye on pretty much everything, we’d see eye to eye on this as well. Obviously, that wasn’t the case.

The opinons were fairly divided for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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