Teenage boy tells mom; 'When you FORCE my twin sister's dad to include me, you're being SELFISH.' AITA?

"AITA for accusing mom of being selfish when she forces my twin sister's dad to include me?"

You read that right my twin sister (16f) and I (16m) don't have the same dad. Mom slept with two guys close together and had us. DNA proved this too. It's always been a weird thing and we get a lot of questions irl.

My sister's dad was willing to do the DNA test, took it and it showed he was her dad but not mine. Mine had to be dragged to court and he has found ways around paying for me and he and his family never wanted to know me. So my sister grew up with a dad and I didn't.

Mom didn't like it and when we were young (3 to 5 maybe) I apparently used to get so sad when she'd leave and go to her dad's house and I couldn't go with her. I don't remember it but I get why it'd be true.

So mom told him he had to include me and he was like nope, no way. It ended up in court with mom wanting to take away his parenting time.

The judge ended up saying he didn't have to take me for his custody time but he had to include me in any big days out with my sister or for family holidays if she went along. He tried to get my mom to drop it but she refused.

So ever since I about 5 or 6 he has been forced to include me in his life sometimes and the lives of his family members. None of them want me there. I know they see me as this huge burden.

I hated it. If I wasn't being ignored they were just really short with me and made it so obvious they didn't want me there. My sister was torn between me and her dad. I told her I didn't want to deny her a dad. So she never let it come between them or us.

When I turned 13 I tried to put my foot down with mom but she told me I had to go and she said she'd take his ass to court so fast if he let me wander off and didn't make sure I was okay like he would with my sister.

There's only two years left but I can see how much my sister's paternal side despise having me around. It sucks being forced somewhere that nobody wants you. And my mom is still serious about taking him back to court.

So I told mom a couple of nights ago that it needs to stop and she can't keep doing this. She told me I don't deserve to be left out because of her actions. I told her she can't make them love me and they have shown their distain for me for over 10 years now. I told her to let it go.

She got so mad, she wanted to yell and cuss at them. I told her to stop being selfish and stop forcing them to include me because she's the only one who wants that, not me. I told her I never wanted this. Mom broke down and then she told me it wasn't necessary to be cruel to her. AITA?

Let's see what readers had to say:

aghau7 writes:

The only AH here is your mother. This is not your father, it's your sister's father. She has that family. If they got to know you through her, they might have loved you for that (despite your mother). The way your mother went about it ensured hard feelings.

I'm sorry your father wasn't involved, and that you don't seem to have family on that side. This mess is of your mother's making.

Anyway, NTA and neither is your sister or her father.

fagah writes:

NTA. I can’t help but feel it’s strange that after all that time your sister’s paternal family still treated you that way. You were/are just an innocent kid who didn’t ask for any of this!

My adopted kids grandma had companionship time via a court order with her bio grandkids (her daughter/their bio mom was deceased). It took exactly one visit before she asked to bring my bio with them for a visit. She treated him better than his paternal bio grandma and exactly the same as her own grandchildren.

crshtu writes:

The problem with things like this...well, not entirely like this. The whole twins of two different fathers is very rare and kinda cool from a geeky sciency point of view...I'm getting side tracked. Sorry.

Any time there are blended families and someone tries to force a relationship, it never works. It just hurts everyone else involved. Your mother wanted you to have a father figure and is trying to force that relationship. He's not going to be that for you. To him - and his family - you are a painful reminder of what your mother did. You have my sympathies.

And while I would normally say that there could have been a gentler way of putting it, I doubt your mother would have listened. In fact, I'm willing to be you've had this discussion before and she didn't listen then. Sometimes, the only way to get through to someone is hard, brutal facts.

You are NTA. You're just stuck dealing with a mess your mother made. It sounds like she's trying to find what's best for you - or what she thinks is best for you. Unfortunately, she's doing more harm than good in this case. Being forced somewhere you are not wanted is not good for you.

darkcoca writes:

NTA, I'm sorry you're going through this. Every adult in this situation from your sister's dad + family to your mom to even your bio father are the AH. But don't have one night stands if you can't handle the results.

I feel your sister's family are AH for treating you as such because at the end of the day, you didn't ask for this situation.

Your sister's dad is an AH because he doesn't realize the impact or future situations he and his family could create for you and your sister by not sticking up for you. Also, he's setting her up for entitlement.

Your mom is AH because she's trying to compensate for what she did and the fact your bio dad doesn't want to interact with you.

I hope you have a strong bond with your sister. I do hope you and your mom can also repair your relationship as well. You should ask your mom for family and individual counseling.