I will try to keep this short. I am 18, and when I was around 10, my mom cheated on my father and got pregnant. This resulted in my half-sister, Kathy. Soon after, my parents cut my grandparents out of our lives. Despite the challenges, my parents stayed together. I turned 18 three months ago, and my grandparents reached out.
Over lunch, they informed me that when Kathy was born, they made it clear they do not see her as a grandchild, considering her the product of my mom cheating on her son. They refused to create a college fund for her, and my parents cut ties with them over this disagreement.
They let me know that there is a college fund for me, and I decided to accept it. I came home and kept it to myself. I have been reconnecting with my grandparents, and things reached a breaking point today when my parents learned who I was spending time with.
This resulted in an argument about me taking the money when my grandparents shun Kathy. I told my parents that they were right not to consider Kathy a grandchild and criticized them for cutting my grandparents out of my life.
Since then, my parents haven't talked to me, and I am doubting myself. As it was asked multiple times, Kathy's biological dad has partial custody. My dad never adopted her, which, according to some Redditors, means that the biological dad has to give up his rights.
Here are the top comments:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). It's kind of embarrassing that your parents expected them to make a college fund for her when really they didn't have to do it at all for either of you. Take the money.
In this economy, you're gonna need that college fund. You're also an adult and you can create your own relationship w your grandparents if you want - your parents are just gonna have to suck it up.
NTA your grandparents are right Kathy (absolutely Not at fault Here) is not their grandchild but a constant reminder how your Mom cheated on their son. Even If your dad forgave her that doesn't mean, everyone needs to and everyone needs to treat her like she is your dads.
They even robbed you of your grandparents, just because they felt entiteld to grandparents Money.
Honestly, this is not an easy answer. Are your grandparents on your mother or father’s side? I can understand why they took it so personally if they are your father’s parents. It sounds like there are complicated and potentially toxic dynamics in some of the family relationships.
I don’t think it’s wrong to build a relationship with your grandparents Just because your mother and and half sister dont have one so long as it’s not cruel or manipulative in its current state.
I’m in a family that has some rifts between members but no one holds it against anyone else for continuing their own relationships. Those are choices those adult members made for themselves, the kids shouldn’t be punished or manipulated into making the same ones.
Fathers side, so Kathy is not relative to the grandparents at all. They informed me that they were pushing for him to divorce her after the whole thing came out.
NTA. You didn't ask for your grandparents to be cut out of your life, but you were a kid and didn't have a say in the matter. Now that you're an adult, you do have a say and it sounds like you're happy to reconnect with them (not just for the money).
It's a messy situation in your family for sure, due to the affair resulting in a kid, which again, you had nothing to do with and no say in the situation. I still say take the money for college as you're going to need the financial help in this economy.
NTA. I understand your parents wanting to protect Kathy from rejection but they sacrificed your relationship with your grandparents in then process. You got punished because your grandparents wouldn't accept your mother's affair child. Your father made the decision to accept Kathy as his own but that doesn't mean your grandparents or extended family had to do the same.
They made the decision that it was best for Kathy to cut off contact which meant they took away the relationship and bond you had with your grandparents. This was a situation where they put what they thought was best for Kathy before what was best for you.
Now that you are an adult you get to decide what is best for you. You are allowed to purse a relationship with your grandparents that is separate from your relationship with your parents.
What do you think? Would you cut off your half-sister for college money?