Teenager's Dad says, 'You don't DESERVE medical treatment;' Son says, 'Maybe he's right...' AITA? MAJOR UPDATE
When this son is confused by his dad's reaction to his injury, he asks the internet:
"My dad told me that I don't deserve medical treatment. AITA?"
I am a high schooler who pole vaults. I currently jump about 8’6 which isn’t the best however I have the dream to be able to vault in college and I’ve been working by sprinting, jumping, drills, all the time both off season and now on season in attempt to make this dream possible.
Last night, I took a fall while vaulting (landed feet first on the mat, my knee buckled into itself on impact (this is an 8 foot drop) and heard a pop in my knee. I decided to go to the athletic trainer since my knee and leg was in excruciating pain.
The trainer said after an assessment that I fit every possible sign for an ACL tear, and I should go to an orthopedic doctor as soon as possible so I can get mri and start the process of preparing for surgery and rehab/PT especially since I do fall sports as well as want to do athletics in college.
This is the story of what happened tonight:
ED: “OP, do you know what you did? Do you understand the significance of what is gonna happen. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Now the school is going to pay attention to you. You should have kept silent”
Me (OP): I know i’m sorry
ED: “What the f were you thinking?! Even if it is an acl injury, which it’s not- You probably have a little sprain you are exaggerating- You will never go pro. You aren’t kobe bryant sitting on the bench for the NBA. If you have a partial or full tear, we aren’t treating it, you can deal with your consequences”
About 10 seconds about the lecture
He grabbed my leg then started screaming at me to put it to the ground. I physically couldn’t, the pain was too much, and he forcefully pushed it to the floor while I winced in pain. He then proceeded to continue shaking my leg and pushing it past my limits to get it straight.
Now: About 3 hours later
The athletic trainer texted my dad details about going to a doctor on Monday morning, he told them no, and he refuses to take me to the doctor. Is my dad right? I don't know what to think.
Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the to responses. Readers had a LOT to say about this:
Commenter: Ask your coach if he is a mandated reporter. If he is, tell him you need this reported.
Another Commenter replies: If its public school, most states have coaches listed a req reporters. Athletic trainer is DEFINITELY a required reporter. ED here certainly caused additional damage to knee, and this should be reported.
Commenter: The athletic trainer is a mandatory reporter. Dont be surprised by a visit from CPS for medical neglect. But make sure that they save that text. Not only that but tell your coach and teachers. If your mom is in the picture have her take you to the er and tell the doctor what your dad said.
Or the other option is just have a friend take you to the er and tell the doctors that your dad wouldn't bring you but you're in severe pain. They will see you and probably have a social worker and cps come talk to you. Tell them about how he tried to straighten your leg. TELL THEM EVERYTHING!!!!!! Good luck with your injury.
Commenter: OP, please follow the other commenters advice and get your knee examined. This could turn very south very fast. What I want to tell you is that you are going to need to begin to start seriously focusing on your own future.
What you want to do after high school, where you want to live, how you want to live, etc. . Likely, you may already know this but I'm pointing it out here because I want you to be able to make your future the best it can be.
Your dad seems like he's not going to make any sort of personal investment in it. Many young adults are fortunate to have parents to help them make that crossover. Many other young adults don't have that privilege so they must start earlier and begin making grown up decisions sooner.
You WILL have the life you want and, if you ever choose to have children, you'll be a much better parent. For now, guidance counselors, friends, parents of friends, and relatives you trust are there to help you make your big moves. I wish you a positive, exciting future. Fingers crossed that your knee heals well.
Commenter: That is abuse. Is your father a doctor? Did he examine your leg? Did he see what happened? Your coach would know better because he's seen this injury many times.
Only a doctor can diagnose what is wrong with you're leg, and it sounds like your father is not a medical professional in the field of body injuries. My mother was a doctor and she'd pull this shit on me. She didn't deal with patients, only slides and other doctors' input.
She was not qualified to diagnose my injuries, yet I rarely saw a doctor when injured or sick. I eventually told my therapist when I was older, and she explained it was abuse. While I'm not a professional such as a psychologist, this is just my opinion based on the similarities of what happened to you and what happen to me
OP's MAJOR UPDATE:
he’s actually a doctor although you’re right, he isn’t a doctor for.. any sort of injury that would affect the bones or ligaments type thing He does internal medicine.
Quite a few people wanted an update, so I decided to write one. The battle about taking me to a doctor was about a week long and ended when my knee started to get worse.
It ended up locking/buckling at school and I collapsed where I had to be collected from the school nurse. The school trainer called my parents and threatened that if they don’t take me, then he’s gonna find another way.
So I went February 22nd, where he ordered a Stat MRI I did that evening. I had a torn meniscus, MCL, and ACL, and I got my surgery yesterday.
It’s definitely painful but I’m on a lot of drugs to try to make it manageable and I start PT today. The surgery definitely hurts a lot more than the initial injury.
I also didn’t have the best experience in surgery. Nothing was botched I just had a really rough time waking up from anesthesia. It’s pretty normal to fight, but they ended sedating me quite a few times since I kept on punching, kicking, and screaming.
They eventually just said they had to let it run its course and held my limbs down. The weird thing is, I have 0 memory of any of it.
I’ve felt really really sick since surgery which hasn’t been fun but it is what it is I suppose. Now onto where my parents are.
A lot of people were questioning where my mom was in the last post, she’s still around but wasn’t really involved in the last story minus no doctor. They’ve definitely been … interesting I suppose.
Since surgery, they’ve been arguing back and forth for custody reasons and about how they should have the crippled me. My dad is almost making it feel like a joke. Every 5 seconds he asks if my knee is ok etc. Even tho he knows the answer but it makes it feel like he doesn’t actually care.
My mom told me about how she doesn’t have the time to discuss with insurance companies which makes me really sad and guilty that I’m putting more of a financial strain on my family... since they are already in debt for my medical reasons 2 years ago.
Readers continued to weigh in on OP's update:
Commenter: Sounds like they’re lucky the school didn’t call CPS. You can absolutely call for yourself if they continue to neglect you. Your parents were willing to let you suffer with an injury that would PERMANENTLY disable you if not surgically repaired. That’s seriously fd up and I hope you tell them. I really hope you leave at 18 and never look back.
Commenter: I’d bet everything I own that had your dad not shaken your leg after the incident, it would not have been as severe and therefore not as expensive.
Commenter: Ask your nurse to get you the hospital's social worker (they usually have at least one) to speak with about your parents
Commenter: Honey, it's their child and thus their medical debt. You didn't ask to be born, your parents made a (selfish) decision to have a child. It's also something all parents know may happen. We all know that having children is expensive, one way or another. You didn't do this on purpose, it's not your fault.
If they neglect to care for you in the future then contact your trainer or school nurse. They are mandated reporters and your parents WILL get you care once CPS starts breathing down their necks.`
And rehab: Take it slow, listen to your body and breathe. It can get frustrating at times but rushing it can be absolutely detrimental to recovery. Best of luck!`
Commenter: Just make sure you finish your physical therapy. Don't miss it. You're parents clearly have issues, it's not just you they're arguing about. If you can get through therapy, you can figure out how to deal with these shitty people.
Don't take it to heart what your parents say about you. I know it's easy to say but sometimes nice kids just have shitty parents. Not your fault.
Commenter: Don’t worry about coming out of the anaesthetic poorly. It happens to some people. My daughter tried to climb off the stretcher after severe abdominal surgery. They had to take me into the recovery room to settle her down.
Good luck with your recovery. Do your best in PT. It may hurt now but your recovery will be better because of it. I am sorry about your parents. People out here care about you.