Teen daughter REFUSES to participate in mom's wedding; 'You don't even KNOW this pastor.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to participate in my mom's wedding with a man she has been dating for less than a year?"

My (19F) parents got divorced two years ago or so. It was an amicable process and they still have a good relationship with each other.

My dad (46M) currently has a girlfriend but has told me he doesn't plan to get married again in the near future.

At first my mom (44F) wasn't interested in dating after the divorce, she just focused on her work and volunteering.

Nevertheless, while doing volunteer work she connected with Cyrus (47M) and they started dating earlier this year.

He is a pastor at a church nearby. Our family has never been too religious or anything so they had met in the past but were never close until now. Cyrus himself seems like a perfectly good person and my mom was delighted by him.

Last week, my mom said she wanted to talk to me alone about something serious. We went to have breakfast outside and she explained the situation to me.

She told me that her relationship with Cyrus was serious and they wanted to move in together. The issue of course was that Cyrus couldn't do that without them getting married.

She said that, after seriously thinking about it, she agreed to marry him so they can fully be together. I was stunned. She acknowledged it was a little crazy but was really convinced about it being the right choice.

I expressed my total opposition to the idea and demanded that they should wait at least a year before getting married otherwise I would take not part on it.

My mom said I was being unreasonable but she would give me some time to think about it more. I have talk with my friends about this and some agree with me but others say I shouldn't get in the way of my mom's happiness.

Am I The Asshole?

Let's see what readers thought:

haguy writes:

NAH. You're not ready, be happy she is and don't go. Those aren't mutually exclusive. You can support her with love and kindness, include Cyrus in your life in some way, but it's totally fine to say I'm not ready.

He's not my step dad. I don't want to be at a wedding. It's all too soon. If you think your mom is making a mistake that's a different story.

But if it's just a comfort thing, you're as entitled to your feelings as she is to hers. Neither of you are assholes for moving on from the divorce at different speeds.

haguit writes:

NTA - For not participating. Honestly, I’d give you an NTA for not attending. I’m kind of surprised by the “you’re the a-hole pile” on here. You’re 19. That is still very young to have this put on you.

My mom started head long into a new relationship less than a year from her divorce as well. Granted I was 15, but it still felt horrible. I went to the wedding, was not part of it.

Honestly, I regret going. It implies I condoned it, which I didn’t. It ended up being the disaster of a marriage that I had pictured. It may not have made a difference, but I wish I had spoken up then instead of just trying to make her happy.

Anyway, long and short is they can do what they want and need to be happy, but they shouldn’t expect to to climb aboard now or at any point. Trying to force that s% does the polar opposite.

I don’t love the “demand” you made, but I get it in terms of your attendance/participation. I might have put it differently.

aghayu writes:

YTAH. Not because you’re legit concerned about the situation, but because you seem to think it’s your place to condition your love and support of her moving on to her following your ‘acceptable’ timeline.

What if you demanded greater than one year but no more than 18 months, and some other sibling insisted on more than 24 months? What’s she supposed to do then?

Express legitimate concerns once, then keep your mouth shut, eat the free chicken dinner at the rehearsal, show up to support her on the big day, and smile for the pics.

Grit your teeth if you must. If it all goes horribly wrong - you get to enjoy a smug “See I Told You So”. If it lasts forever, well… then you won’t be the asshole who tried to rain on their parade - and got taken out of their will.