'I told my mom I'm not living with her if I have to share a room and she called me a brat.'

I told my mom I'm not living with her if I have to share a room.

ButterscotchPastry writes:

I (15f) live one week with my dad and another with my mom. They divorced 3 years ago, and my mom has been dating John for a year. John and I don’t hate each other, but we're not close. We all live in the same town as most of my dad’s side of the family, so other than my music lessons, I also hang out a lot with my cousins and don’t spend much time around John.

A month ago, John and his daughter Trisha (11f) moved in temporarily into my house because there was a fire at theirs. My house has 2 bedrooms, so Trisha has to stay in my room.

My bed is a bunk bed because I was getting a sister, but my mom miscarried. Trisha and I hung out only a few times before this, but I can say the same about her and John—I don’t hate her. But she turns out to be hard to live with.

She has long hair, and her hair is everywhere. She talks in her sleep, and I was woken up 5 or six times since her stay. She also sometimes tries to speak to me when I've already turned off my lamp, a sign that I was going to sleep.

I talked to my mom, and she said I needed to be nicer to her since she’s been through a lot. That my issues were just minor inconveniences. That Trisha would be back at her own home soon (in late January). I talked to my dad, and he said I could just move in with him until Trisha leaves.

I then packed my bags and told my mom I’ll be staying at dad’s. She blew up at me, saying what a spoiled brat I am and that I’m making John and Trisha feel horrible for imposing. I just left.

It’s been a week now, and my mom never reached out to me. She dropped my Christmas presents at my grandma’s because my dad and I would celebrate Christmas there.

I don’t think my mom can get the law involved because I’m 15, and I just have to tell them the living situation, and they should understand. Besides, it’s only until I can have my room back again. Still, AITA?

Here are some of the top comments:

frenchfryfordavid says:

NTA (Not the A%@hole). But your dad should have had a conversation with your mom and he went about this all the wrong way.

As a family court attorney I have a different view on much of this. In my state, if your mom ‘got the law involved’ you could be made to return. I am often asked if at 12…14…16 can I make the decision where I live or my child can pick.

The answer is the court will consider your wishes in my state, but not let you pick. In the same way if you pick your dad your mom can’t just turn off paying support or disown you. There are rights and responsibilities involved.

People too often think every case is a reasonable teen who can pick and forget that if the law freely allowed kids to just pick sides that it would be really really easy for kids to play parents completely off each other and end up with zero supervision.

All this is to say I think you have some real feelings. I think people should listen to you. I don’t think either of your parents are acting like adults.

MamaCBear says:

NTA. It’s hard to share your space and staying with your dad until Trisha can go back to her mum, is a reasonable compromise.

But …The person I feel for is Trisha: Either her mum and dad split (you know how that feels) or she lost her mum at some point in the past.

She has lost her home to a fire. You don’t say how bad the fire was, so she might have lost a lot of precious things and memories. Also your home is something that helps you feel emotionally safe and secure.

She then had to move into her dad’s gf’s house, she might feel the same way about your mum as you do about her dad.

She has to share room with a teenage girl she that barely knows, possibly something she’s not had to do in the past either.

Finally, you complain about her and make your dislike of her in your space well know and move out until she’s left. Trisha is likely feeling very vulnerable, lost and scared of the future.

You don’t have to like Trisha, you don’t have to like sharing your room, you don’t have to like John but it never hurts to think about how the other person might be affected by events that happen in their life and show some understanding and compassion.

How would you feel if it was you in Trisha’s place? There are times where you can either be right or be kind. Always choose to be kind.

Valiantrabbit49 says:

NTA. A house fire is pretty traumatic. Your mom's boyfriend and his daughter have probably lost everything they had, including sentimental things. Your mother is kind to take in her boyfriend and his daughter, but you are the one stuck sharing a room with someone you don’t know well.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to stay with your dad until they move back out. Your mother has no right to berate you for not wanting to share a room. You are not wrong to spend some extra time with your dad.

Just be aware that your mom and her boyfriend might decide to make this permanent, so make sure you have everything you care about out of your room. Make another trip if you need to.

happydactyl31 says:

This is one of those that kind of lives in the gray area. Everyone’s choices are understandable but that doesn’t mean they’re The Best.

It’s fair to not want to share your room for a month with a preteen you don’t know that well. Her having long hair and trying to talk and bond a little isn’t a crime - those in-the-dark conversations are the best part about sharing a room imo - but it’s okay that you didn’t love it.

Your mom is right that the mature, kind thing would be to just deal with it for a few weeks to help a kid who just dealt with such a horrible and terrifying experience. You’re 15 and you’re allowed to not be perfectly mature.

At the same time - if you think you’re old enough to pack up and leave whether your mom likes it or not, you’re old enough to not really hear from her for a week. You weren’t celebrating Christmas with her and she was upset with you and she still made sure you got presents from her anyway.

She’s not being vindictive or petty. She’s allowed to have time to be mad at you for leaving her house in a huff. NAH (No A%#holes Here) overall because none of this is just egregious. It’s pretty standard teenager-mom fighting where both of you are grappling with how that relationship changes as you get older, and it’s something you both probably won’t be super proud of when you look back on it. It happens.

What do you think? Is it okay that OP goes to her dad's house?