Teen demands that his mom stop telling 'embarrassing' story behind his name.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for telling my mother to stop telling people the story behind my name?"

I (15M) and my mother (39F) have similar names due to my mother naming me after her. I don't dislike my name at all. But the story behind it and how my mother constantly wants to tell it to the world is the problem.

For backstory, I am her second child and for her first child, my older brother (20M) she wanted to know his gender, and she found out and named him. For me however, she decided to keep it a surprise, however, she for some reason was confident that I would be female and was dead set on naming me after her.

Her name is Alexandra, so she would have named me Alexandra as well. When I came out male, she simply named me Alexander. However she would constantly tell everyone she befriended, if we were together, the story on how I was named. It embarrasses me to no end and I've told her over and over to please not tell that to every new friend her or I make.

She even told all of my friend's parents the story despite me asking her to not tell them (she wants to meet my friends parents for the first time if I want to sleep over for whatever reason).

This all boiled down to Thursday when my mother and I went to the grocery store and as we were leaving, a duo of Charity workers came up to us to ask us if we were willing to donate to their cause. My mother being the social butterfly she, sparked up a conversation with them.

As the two introduced themselves to us, my mother followed suit and, of course, told them the story I dreaded she would. "My name is Alexandra and this is my son Alexander, he was supposed to be a girl and take my name. But he came out a boy so I named him after me." I got a bit angry and told her:

"I really wish you wouldn't tell every stranger you meet on the street that, it makes me feel embarrassed and mad." It got silent and my mothers face twisted and just told the Charity workers that she'll donate next time and started walking to the car.

The car ride home was silent and when we got home she told me that I really embarrassed her back at the store and that I should have told her something after we got in the car that I didn't like her telling that story.

I've said to her that I've told her repeatedly that I don't like her telling everyone with a pulse that she befriends that story and that I got fed up with her blatantly ignoring me and my request to stop. She just told me to go to my room and to not come out.

She of course told everyone in my family what I did and my stepdad and grandparents said I shouldn't have embarrassed her like that and to apologize to her. My brother and best friend told me I was right to call her out since...

...I've told her many times to stop embarrassing me with that story and that she needed to learn what I felt. I do feel bad and want to apologize and talk to her, but at the same time I still feel like I'm right and that she needed to feel what I feel. So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

OkeyDokey654 said:

NTA. It’s not even a good story. It’s not even a story, honestly.

realdappermuis said:

My story is super similar - except; I was "supposed to be a boy" but there wasn't a female version of my dad's name so my mom chopped off some letters to "make it female." I still get asked by every new person I meet how it came about...

...it's been over 4 decades of explaining it and I'm expected to be flattered and still act coy to their curiosity. It also means that every person I've ever met can track me down because I'm one of 2 people with the name...which, hasn't been great. Anyhoo, OP is NTA.

PrincessCG said:

NTA. You’ve spoken to her about this before so she can’t say she’s unaware of your feelings about it. I guess maybe she wants to show off the fact you’re named after her but to do it to total strangers is a weird one. If it took calling her out publicly for her stop, then it was worth it. Ask her why she’s comfortable disregarding your feelings on the matter.

LightPhotographer said:

NTA. When she embarrasses you and you have asked her to stop... this is the way. Fight fire with fire. Here is how this works: Every time she tells the story she gets a sweet smile out of people. This provides a gentle social dopamine kick. If she listened to you she would not get that kick.

She does not even think about it. Telling the story is associated with a little dopamine kick. Your telling her you don't like it does not register. The positive connection between story = positive feedback is a direct link in her brain. Your whining takes the long route of reason.

Solution: You associate the story with a negative feedback.
Example. Every time she starts telling the story you interrupt, and tell the person: "My mother loves to tell how I got a girls name. Even though I have told her I have heard it enough she values the approval of strangers over the feelings of her own son".
Make it short, snappy and spot-on.

She will not like it. But keep it up, and in her brain the wiring will change: From "telling this makes me feel liked" to "telling this makes me feel embarrassed." You have every right to tell your version of the story. Just take all the punishment at home. And then in the next situation, you do it again. You must reinforce this a couple of times.

Timely_Egg_6827 said:

NTA. Every time your mother meets someone new, she tells them you are not what she wanted and that she wanted a girl. That has to hurt. And your father is worried about her feelings being hurt? Why is she embarrassed? Because she realized she was hurting you? But she had to reframe that in terms of herself. I am so sorry.

EnticingDan said:

NTA. Just start adding to it whenever she tells the story. “Yeah she couldn’t be bothered thinking up a new name when I wasn’t a girl.” Or “Thank god her name wasn’t Rebeca or Sarah or another female name that has no male version of it." Or. “Yeah her father thought they were having a boy and chose a name and had to femalize it and I got the proper name."

opelan said:

ESH. I think your mother should consider your feelings a bit more as you told her numerous times that you don't like it. But on the other hand I don't get why you are so embarrassed about this story? It is not super rare that parents call their children after themselves and if your real name is as nice as Alexander, I especially don't see the problem.

UPDATE:

I want to say thanks for the advice and the support. It means a lot and I do mean that. I do want to say that please don't make this an whole picture of my mother's and I relationship. She loves me and I love her and we get along very well, she has her flaws just as everyone does. Anyway, the update:

So on that Thursday, later in the afternoon. My mother and stepdad came into my room when my best friend and I were playing Lego fortnite (split screen ftw) My stepdad first apologized for being upset with me and told me that my mother told him that I yelled at her but she later told him that I didn't and that he agreed that the story was embarrassing.

My mother apologized too but asked me if us being named similarly was embarrassing to me. I told her that I liked my name and I don't mind being named similarly but that she didn't need to tell people this all the time.

Thinking back on some comments, I told her that she could just simply introduce us as "Alexandra and my son Alexander" and people could just connect the dots. She seemed to like this idea and promised me that she would do that from now on...

..She said that she told this story to people because "she was so proud of the young man I am" and just wanted to show off our connection. I told her that it was fine to be proud but in a different way. She agreed.

She told me as an apology, she would make pizza in our pizza oven we have outside with whatever toppings I like (it's my best friend and I 's favorite food with our favorite toppings, mushrooms and peppers.

She was excited but then again she practically lives here so she eats it plenty lmao) I agreed. Not an exciting upgrade but a hopeful one nonetheless. Thank you again for all the support even the ones who said I was YTA. I did read all of them.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

Lagoon13579 said:

I think that is a brilliant update, and your mother sounds lovely, especially because of the pizza.

AMooseintheHoose said:

Aw, I’m glad communication won out and you didn’t have to resort to being petty (like I suggested). Great job.

SheriSand said:

I think it's good that you have set your boundary and your mother is agreeing to respect that boundary. Sometimes things have to break down a little bit before you build it back up. I really hope going forward that your mom continues to respect you. I'm happy to hear that you and your mom are doing well.

SelinaRochell22 said:

Proud of you for being able to communicate this with her and I'm glad that after a little time she was able to receive it. Lovely update!

Labeled-Disabled06 said:

I love the tame updates. They're more real than the crazy ones, even if I sit there with my popcorn like the rest.

TexasBurgandy said:

I’m happy to see this update. I was worried that she just saw you as an accessory for her parade around (too much internet?) but it sounds like this is just her go to script. I wonder if she would be open to you 2 having a code word you could say to her to remind her if she ever slips back into it again.

Something random like elephant or capybara. “Hey mom remind me to show you the funny video of a capybara my friend sent me” As a mom it is hard to hear that you are making your kid mad by something that you think is cute. I’ve done it and my kid has heard a sincere “I am sorry and I will try harder.” Glad your mom is trying!