Teenage girl threatens father; 'If you make me bring my stepsister on vacation, I'm leaving this family.' UPDATED 6 MONTHS LATER

When this woman is furious with her father, she asks the internet:

"My dad is trying to force my uncontrollable step sister on my trip and I told him I’d never forgive him?"

I (17F) am graduating and my friends and I have already planned a trip to a cabin for the summer before we start college. I have been a babysitter since I was 13 so I have saved up a considerable amount of money.

When I was 15 my dad got remarried about a year and a half after my mom passed away. My dad’s wife had a 13 year old daughter and as soon as we moved in together they started to push her off on me and force us to do everything together. I don’t like my step sister.

She’s always throwing tantrums if she doesn’t get what she wants. She’s spoiled to the point that at my 16th birthday she got her own special cake so she wouldn’t feel left out and she also blew out the candles on my cake and when I complained my dad told me “it’s time to grow up, being a sister is about sharing things”

I told him I didn’t have a sister and I guess she overheard and she went on a rampage. The party was ruined. I distanced myself more from them after that.

I’m forced to either take her with me to places or stay home with her if I can’t take her or my dad or dads wife can’t watch her or don’t want to deal with her. Imagine everything that I said she does with my dad and his wife on to a 15-17 year old me.

I was forced to take her bowling with me and she would not stop tryin to dig her hands in the part where the balls come out and she tried running down the lane so I had to take her home and my night was ruined. This happens a lot but they don’t care.

I have tried to keep this trip a secret from her but when I was in my room on the phone talking about it over pizza and music. I found out she snuck in and hid in the closet and was eavesdropping. She bursted out asking if she could come and I told her no and to get out.

She started stomping her feet and she ran out. My friends begged me to not invite her. My dad called me downstairs and asked if she could go because she could use a vacation and I told him I’m not taking her, they can take her on a vacation but I’m not watching her for almost 3 weeks alone.

My dad’s wife called me selfish and that my dad was paying for a portion of it anyway and if “Lily” doesn’t go then I don’t get to go. I told her she doesn’t get a say in any of this, she’s not my mom and to stop forcing her child on me when she created what she is.

Lily starts yelling at me about not being a big sister and I don’t want to spend time with her. I snap and tell her I don’t. She ran away crying and my dad said he won’t pay for the rest of my trip if I don’t take her. So I told him if he does that I will not be talking to him anymore nor will I forgive him for it.

He said I’m being dramatic and she isn’t bad. So I grabbed a bag and went to my aunts house (my moms sister) and told her what happened and she said she would put up what he took away and when I go to college, I can stay with her.

I told my dad what I was doing and he blew up at me and said I was being a brat and they’re my family now and not my aunt.

As far as I know, she does not have any disabilities. She’s been to doctors and therapy. She’s Just insanely spoiled and that’s how she’s always gotten her way when told no.

The first time I met her everyone agreed on Mexican except her and she was yelling in the car for 10 minutes before she calmed down by her mom appeasing her. Then she goes back on her phone texting. If she does then that explains why she acts that way and I can take it that she can’t help it but I still shouldn’t be forced to watch her 24/7

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Your aunt is acting more of a family than your dad. I agree- see if you can live with your aunt now. Are you dependant on your dad for college?

OOP: I am not, my mom left me money for two years. I decided to do an RN program and then go back once I work and save up more money

Commenter: If you are being truthful about Lily's behaviors it sounds like she has some sort of emotional or intellectual impairment. Has she had a formal diagnosis?

OOP: No she is Just extremely spoiled and acts like this to get her way. She knows she Just has to cry a bit and stomp around and they’ll give in

To a deleted and downvoted comment:

I don’t have nor did I want a sister. It’s not even like they tried to slowly bring us together, they forced her on me. She constantly throws tantrums so if any small thing is about me, she needs to be center of attention.

She may be a child but she is not my child and I shouldn’t have had to become a parent because of my dad’s wives lack of parenting.

Commenter: How far away from 18 are you? I would slowly start moving important things to your aunts house and then move in the day you turn 18. Make sure you let your school know not to contact your dad anymore and that you are living with your aunt.

OOP: I turn 18 in September. I have read the comments and I am making lists of everything I need to get and put at my aunts house

On being the bigger person:

I don’t have to be the bigger person. I’m tired of being neglected and having her forced on me. I’m going on this trip without her and if that ends up with me not talking to my dad anymore. So be it. He’s the adult and parent here

UPDATE 1 (6 MONTHS LATER):

I know a lot of people wanted an update to my last post, I can’t post a link so you can go to my profile to see it.

The trip happened and I did not end up taking her like I said I wasn’t. From the time that I posted that up until the time that I left, the household was very tense and awkward. I was not speaking to any of them. The only person I had to confide in and talk to my aunt and I’m so grateful for her.

My dad still thought that I was going to bring her on the trip and I kept telling him that I am not watching her and she is not coming with me. The morning of the trip we left at like six in the morning when he called me I was already about five hours out so he couldn’t do anything.

When I got back it was a lot of yelling and crying from me and my dad and his wife. She said that I left them in a tough position and they had to stay home because they couldn’t get anyone to watch Lily. My dad and I had a serious talk for hours and he agreed that maybe we need to separate so we can work on our relationship.

Which hurt me because I would have liked for him to tell me I can stay in my own home… while we do it. But I did end up going to my aunts house with no issues. My dad and I started family therapy with Just the two of us. His wife was pretty upset he was actually listening to me and was seeing where I was coming from.

Right when we were getting good and building a better relationship, I came over for dinner and he asked if we could integrate his wife and Lily into therapy and I told him that I had no interest in having a relationship with them.

She called me a selfish c*** and that I need to be grateful that she let me stay with them after she moved in. I waited for my dad to correct her and he was silent pretty much so I left and I haven’t talked to him in almost a month. He keeps showing me that he will not be on my side.

So… to wrap things up, the cabin trip was so much fun. I have never felt so free from a burden. The trip was in June and we were there for almost a month. We extended it.

When I was packing for school, my dad came to visit and I guess his wife called and he had to lie about where he was because I guess she doesn’t want him to see me. So I told him, we don’t need to have contact right now or continue therapy because it’s clear which part of his family he cares more about.

I don’t know what’s going to become of my dad and right now I don’t care, I’m focused on school and studying to become a nurse, I don’t want any negativity to ruin this experience but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt that I don’t have a parent to experience this with but my aunt says she is my surrogate mom and to share all my worries and success with her.

I am currently in my first week of college and the amount of freedom I feel here is also so… new. I am a little overwhelmed but I am in a honors club, I also am in a creative writing/book club and the friends I have made are so amazing. I am currently living on campus and I have never been better mentally.

I am getting separate therapy to deal with my mom’s death because that was never offered to me by my dad. My aunt has truly become a mother figure to me. Being 2 states away from her is really hard but I can’t wait for weekend visits and holiday visits.

Also, another thing is that I’m going to be a godmother. My aunt was told at 22 that she would never be able to have kids and she is currently 4 months pregnant and I’m so excited because if anybody is going to be a good mother, I know it’s going be her. When she came to visit and tell me I think she saw I was a little worried.

I told her I am so excited and happy for her and nothing will change that but she’s the only family I have right now and don’t want to get left behind like I did at home and we cried and she promised me that she was filling in for my mom and she will be there for the rest of my life, whether I like it or not. I am planning the baby shower and I can’t wait for the baby to be here.

But yeah… that’s it. Thank all for checking up on me and giving me encouraging words.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: I just don’t understand how your dad doesn’t see that Lily IS a massive problem if they have to hire a babysitter at her age or being 15. And they were “stuck at home” with her as a result.

OOP: He doesn’t want to see it or he does and cares more about keeping his wife happy.

Commenter: Also, what do you write about in this writers club?

OOP: Bring in work you have written and share it, Write flash fiction from the same prompt, Write poems, Watch videos or lectures about writing techniques, Talk about writing contests or places to submit stories. We’re talking about incorporating improv so we can be creative that way with our stories

Commenter (downvoted): I feel like you should’ve set some better boundaries instead of just giving up. You need to lay it out for him… do you really think she’s good for your life if she’s keeping you away from your daughter?

Are you really a man and a father? If you’re going to let a woman dictate what you can and can’t do? I would tell him straight up you don’t have the luxury of giving up because you made me.. so I would appreciate if you get a goddamn backbone and start acting like it

OOP: That's fair and I respect your opinion but its not my job to try and fix anything or set boundaries anymore. We did talk about it in therapy and he still tried to integrate them into the sessions when I have expressed hundreds of times I do not want that so I’m done trying. I’m the child in this situation