Someecards Logo
Teen refuses to give pre-written speech at her mom's wedding, 'it's not how I feel.' AITA?

Teen refuses to give pre-written speech at her mom's wedding, 'it's not how I feel.' AITA?


"AITA for telling my mom I am not comfortable with the speech she wants me to give at her wedding and I won't give it?"

My mom is engaged to a guy called George and they want their wedding to symbolize the creating of a new family unit with me (15f) and mom and George and his three kids (ages 8, 6 and 5). George's ex wife dipped and has not seen her kids since the youngest was born.

My dad died four years ago. Mom and George have been together for 3 years and we have lived together for 7 months now. Mom, George and George's kids are really happier and my mom is happier than she ever was, something she has said. I don't think she and my dad were happily married when he died.

Anyway, like I said they want to celebrate the "family unit" they are creating and want to talk about how great it is, how we're all so happy with it and feel like we have become such a solid unit.

My mom and George wrote this speech for me to give at the wedding in a few months and they wanted me to read it. They said they took care of writing it because they could put words together better. I read the whole thing and I couldn't imagine myself reading it.

Some of the quotes from the speech are "I'm so happy our family is finally whole and legally recognized"
"I wouldn't change a thing about my life because it brought us all here"
"Our family is the best thing to happen to me"

"I cannot imagine life being any better than it is right now, standing here among the people I love most in the world"
"This is the start of the best chapter of our lives"
"I'm so excited to welcome my new dad and new siblings into the (last name) family."

Those are just the ones I actually kept notes of. But generally the tone of the speech is not how I feel. I would change all of this in a heartbeat for my dad back, this will never be my best chapter when he's not here and I don't love George or his kids. I don't have strong feelings either way. But I'm also sad. The wedding and all the enthusiasm just reminds me I don't have dad to confide in anymore.

My mom is happy and I'm glad of that and I would give a speech about that but I know the second I say that, my mom would want us in "family therapy" and I don't want to go with them. I don't want to hear that it's okay to embrace and be happy about a new dad and siblings after 15 years of being an only child. Instead I told mom I wasn't comfortable giving the speech they wrote and I won't do it.

She told me the speech is perfect and is a beautiful tribute of what is happening. She also told me how much it will mean to George's kids. I told her I still didn't feel comfortable giving it and to just forget about me saying anything.

My mom was upset/mad. George was asking why the hell I'd refuse to do something that will make everyone so happy. They told me I'm acting like an elementary school kid instead of a teenager who is basically a young adult. They also have George's oldest tell me how excited she and her brothers are to hear my speech and she told me she's excited to be my sister. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

jrm1102 said:

NTA - those aren't your words and thats not how you feel. Is there another adult in your life - maybe an aunt/uncle or grandparent that can support you here? And talk some sense into dear old Mom and George.

Dalton402 said:

NTA. That is pretty awful. They are trying to present a vision of what they want the world to see, not reality. The fact they didn't write the speech with you or trust you to write it yourself shows that they know how you feel.

Talk to your mom alone and make it clear that you are not going to read a speech that air brushes your dad out of history. Tell her that you like George and his kids, but you don't love him like a dad and will never see him as your dad.

Write your own speech, which waters down what they wrote. Congratulate them on their marriage. Say you like George and are pleased your mom is marrying him. Present them with the speech and tell them that is the one you'll read or none at all. Stick to your guns no matter what they throw at you.

Ok_Childhood_9774 said:

NTA. Your mother and your stepfather to be are welcome to make any comments they like about THEIR feelings about the new relationship. They are not allowed to put words in your mouth and ascribe feelings to you that you don't have. I would continue to refuse to give the speech, and if they continue to push, I would tell them I might not attend the wedding at all.

molewarp said:

NTA...They're trying to sucker you in to their "Perfect New Family" script. Getting an 8 year old to gush about "getting a new sister?" Ewww. I'd be polite but firm about you not giving this gushy blurb a reading at the wedding. If Miss 8 is so 'excited' for it all, maybe she can do the reading. Your mother is not being fair to you. You're not a little kid.

OnlymyOP said:

NTA. I'm sorry your Mom is trying to to force this whole thing on you. Is there another adult you can talk to and be willing to stand in your corner? Despite what you think Family Therapy isn't the worst idea, but you'll need to be strong and stand your ground to get your point across, as this won't be an easy ride.

dncrmom said:

NTA if George & your mom want to share in giving that speech that is great. However those are not your words. Offer to give a short toast (1/2 page long) you can talk about how this is a second chance at a future of happiness for her & your new family.

Therapy would be wonderful because any good therapist would put a stop to what your mother wants & focus on how you feel. Your feelings should be acknowledged in a private & safe setting where she can not get mad for how you are feeling.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content