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Teen refuses to start using her first name despite 'pleas' from family, 'it's embarrassing.' AITA?

Teen refuses to start using her first name despite 'pleas' from family, 'it's embarrassing.' AITA?


"AITA for refusing to start using my first name despite pleas from my family?"

So I (16F) am named after my grandma Nancy, my mom's mom. There's a bit of a tradition in my family to name the first grandkid of each gender after one of the grandparents of the same sex. I was the first girl. My mom wanted to follow the tradition and dad didn't.

So I was named after mom's mom. My dad chose my middle name Skye. Ever since I was in kindergarten I have used the name Skye instead of Nancy. My family called me Nancy for years anyway.

But eventually everyone else would ask for Skye when they wanted me. My teachers called me Skye. My friends. My friends parents. Our neighbors. Our doctor. Everyone. So my family started calling me Skye too and sometimes Nancy would slip in but I personally never used it.

My mom and grandma were the people most upset. Grandma because she felt like she didn't get her grandchild named after her since it was never used and my mom because she wanted the tradition too. But also, she doesn't like Skye, and only said yes to it as my middle name because dad didn't like Nancy and she didn't want to be unfair.

I have toyed with the idea of changing my name when I turn 18 but it feels like that would be a sh$tshow. Ever since Christmas my mom, grandma and some other family members on my mom's side have suggested I should use Nancy again. Grandma told me it would mean a lot to her and she said I'm getting to an age where the name doesn't seem so bad or old.

My mom told me Skye isn't really a name I should be going into my adult life using. And she said Nancy will sound so much better. She also told me it is my name, my real name, and it would be a pain to use a name that isn't my legal first name as an adult. Other family members said I should do it to make my grandma happy. Or I should do it because it seems like I'm rejecting my mom, which is weird to me.

My mom and grandma sat me down last Wednesday and told me it means so much to them and pleaded with me to go by Nancy. They said I have used Skye for 11 years now and isn't it time to grow up a little and use my real name and use the family name.

Mom told me it's embarrassing to her because some of her friends have asked why I hate grandma or my name so bad that I use my middle name like it's my name. I told them I don't want to be Nancy and will not start using it instead of Skye.

I told them I am Skye and that might not be easy for them but it's what I prefer and I'm the one living with the name. I'm the person who has to introduce myself.

My dad is on my side and has tried to get mom to back off. But she has been really unhappy since Wednesday and has been a little hostile since my refusal. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

IfICouldStay said:

"Mom told me it's embarrassing to her because some of her friends have asked why I hate grandma or my name." Oh, they did not ask that. Or if they did, it was only because of a lot of prompting from your mother. Other people are simply not that invested in your family's drama. NTA.

StarTheVagician said:

“Skye” is not a real name? That’s awfully funny because it’s what I named my daughter. I had no idea. She’s 22 years old now, I wonder what she’ll do when I try to adjust her birth certificate. I never knew. How unfortunate...PUHLEEEEASE NTA.

RNH213PDX said:

NTA If I understand this - your mother wants this (at least partially) because she expects your child to be named after her? It seems like this tradition, while originally harmless, has run its course, and some people are willing to go down with the ship relationships be damned.

Although I would be curious... maybe in a moment when you are bonding alone with your mom, ask her in confidence whether she ever really wanted to name you Nancy in the first place. She may be defending a tradition precisely because she was forced into it.

Philip_J_Fry3000 said:

NTA, if your mom's friends are asking her why you hate your grandma which I'm sure you don't it is because your mom is creating that perception.

bdayqueen said:

NTA - Don't change the name you use to please someone else. I've been using my middle name for 57 years. I file my taxes as "M. Middle name Last name". My driver's license is the same. Tell Grandma to get over herself.

TheMadMagpielikes said:

NTA - we have this tradition in my family too, so consequently I have a lot of cousins with the same name. They mostly have nicknames, go by middle names, or we have to full name them every time. But it’s always however they want to be called. Trying to say that Skye is a childish name is frankly gaslighting.

It’s an island in Northern Scotland, so about 5.5 million Scots would probably object to it being called childish. Next time they try to call it that, I would spotlight facts about the island. I think Bonnie Prince Charlie was from there?

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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