Teen refuses to forgive brother for uninviting him to his wedding, 'I would be a distraction.' AITA?
"AITA for not forgiving my brother for uninviting me from his wedding?"
I'm in a wheelchair. My (17M) leg got amputated 3 months ago. I have not been feeling the best and I felt worse when I got uninvited from my brother's wedding because my brother and his new wife basically told me that I would be a distraction and take the attention off of them. They didn't say distraction..but they definitely Implied it.
My parents were upset about this as well and were even planning on staying with me but I told them it was okay to go. I did cry while they were at the wedding, because I felt excluded and while that was happening I felt that I didn't really want to be bothered with my brother and his wife anymore.
When my parents came home they were telling me that people were asking about and asking where I was so I guess I was gonna be a distraction regardless. My brother tried calling me some hours after the wedding but I didn't pick up. After that, him and his wife came by a couple of times after but I kept telling them that I didn't want to speak to either of them and I asked them to leave me alone.
I've been trying to ignore them and they've been making it very difficult for me to do that, so I had to block them and I know my parents are upset by this but they said that they don't agree with what my brother did and even told him and his wife not to come over for some time.
My grandma and uncle have both called me on my brothers behalf telling me that he's hurt I'm not speaking to him and he wants to "make things right." He's planning on leaving on his honeymoon soon and invited me to go out and take me where ever I want so he could apologize because he didn't intend to hurt me.
It was basically the same thing he said to me in person but he's just now getting other people to say it too because he sent the same things to our parents as well. The thing is he did hurt me tho and I don't want to go anywhere with him.
I don't even like going out now that I'm in a wheelchair, because I feel like people stare at me and it's embarrassing and I'm just hoping it gets better when I get my prosthetic.
My family knows I don't like going out as it is, but I was willing to do that for my brother because I really wanted to go to my brother's wedding and to be excluded like that hurt. I was told to go because my brother feels really guilty and they told me that everyone's still adjusting and he did not mean any harm because he would never intentionally hurt me.
But I don't know why they keep saying that because whether he meant it like that or not that's how I took it. My parents are upset at my grandma and uncle for telling me that but told me that I should still consider the offer.
If I refuse to go would I be wrong? I'm not sure how many people think what I'm doing is wrong because no body else has been saying anything about it. Only my uncle and grandma have been vocal about it and I don't want people talking about me behind my back because they were originally upset when I got uninvited.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FaryRochester said:
What in the actual hell?! your brother is a huge AH. who doesn't invite their own brother to their wedding because he is in a wheelchair? specially since this only happened to you 3 months ago!
How else were you supposed to take this? I'm so angry just reading that he said he didn't mean to "intentionally hurt" you. how much more intentionally can you hurt someone?!
I'm actually fuming here and baffled by your entire family's response. first of all, I know you said you told your parents to go to the wedding but they really shouldn't have. that's thme giving the ok to your brother awful treatment of you! and not only thta...
your uncle and grandma are taking your brother's side and saying YOU hurt him by not answering his calls. this is absolute madness! I'm so sorry your family sucks and is treating you this way.
You deserve better. don't call him or let him "make things right". let him stew in his own guilt and hopefully it ruins his honeymoon. he should feel guilty and ashamed for what he did. you family should make him feel ashamed instead of trying to get you to forgive him for his absolute UNFORGIVABLE act. Obviously, NTA. you brother sure is the biggest AH I've come across on this sub in a long time.
GuyInTheLifestyle said:
NTA. Your brother is a d. Cut off the relationship. If he doesn't want you at his wedding, you don't need him in your life. Sorry to hear about your leg.
dookle14 said:
NTA - your brother should apologize to you on your terms, not his. This is all about your brother wanting to clear his conscience before he goes on his honeymoon and get rid of his guilt, not to make it up to you.
If you need space, make it clear that you are hurt and need time to process his actions. If you want to cut him off, that’s perfectly acceptable too. What he and his wife did was sh$tty and self-centered. I’m not sure how him “taking you out” one day makes up for that.
Bottom line, you should only allow him to apologize when you are ready to hear it, not when he wants to do it. And if that day doesn’t come, then that is fine too.
dookle14 said:
NTA - your brother should apologize to you on your terms, not his. This is all about your brother wanting to clear his conscience before he goes on his honeymoon and get rid of his guilt, not to make it up to you.
If you need space, make it clear that you are hurt and need time to process his actions. If you want to cut him off, that’s perfectly acceptable too. What he and his wife did was shitty and self-centered. I’m not sure how him “taking you out” one day makes up for that.
Bottom line, you should only allow him to apologize when you are ready to hear it, not when he wants to do it. And if that day doesn’t come, then that is fine too.
Mickeynutzz said:
NTA You have the right to feel left out and hurt and have whatever feeling you have. So sorry to hear about all that you are dealing with.
Additional_Phrase610 said:
NTA. Your feelings are valid, and if you choose to go NC with your brother and SIL that's your choice, just like it was their choice to exclude you from the wedding. It was 3 months after you lost your leg, and you were still dealing with that when he uninvited you and would say that he didn't mean to hurt you.
I don't see how anybody wouldn't see that would hurt you. It's up to you whether you want a relationship with them or not. Not your grandma, uncle, or parents.