Teen tells sister that her husband is having an affair, 'I felt disgusted.' AITA? UPDATED.
"AITA for telling my sister that her husband is having an affair?"
I (17f) have a sister (25f) married to James (38m). This happened about a week ago. I was with my friend and we were having lunch in a restaurant. There we saw James with another woman. Normally I thought this was his friend but she was being very clingy. It looked like they were on a date.
The woman was whispering something in his ears. I felt disgusted. I wanted to confront him there but my friend said to lay low and start recording so that we can have proof. We recorded everything. After leaving the restaurant I went straight to my sister's place.
I sat her down and showed her the video. Instead of crying she got angry and started accusing me of ruining her marriage. She screamed profanities at me and said that I'm jealous of her. It is not true. I always want what's best for her. I tried to explain my side and she kicked me out. I noticed that she blocked me everywhere. Yesterday my mom came into my and asked what did I do?
My sister was pissed off and told mom that I was trying to break up her marriage. I told mom everything. She was disappointed and said she will talk to her. I haven’t heard from her or James. My mom told me to not contact her now. My dad doesn’t know anything. I just don't know what I did wrong? I was only looking out for her. I was trying to be a good sister to her.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
happy-in-love said:
People tend to not be rational about who they take their anger out on, doesnt mean you did anything wrong. theres even a phrase for this, "shooting the messenger."
thisisnotme15 said:
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You did exactly what you should have done. Sometimes people just react reflexively when they're in pain and blame the easiest/nearest person.
This is obviously going to be incredibly painful for her. She's in denial and flailing around for anyone else to blame so she doesn't have to face the agony of her marriage collapsing.
Obvious her claims about you and your motivations are ridiculous. Just give her some space. Don't hold what she said against her. Be ready to offer your support again when she needs you and/or comes to her senses.
-ImagineReality- said:
NTA. If you find out such things, it's always best to tell.
nomad_l17 said:
NTA, based on OP's comments Dad didn't approve of the relationship but sister went ahead and married him. OP has proof that proves her Dad was right and she was wrong. Some people find being proven wrong hard and it's in video so sister can't say it's fake or misinterpreted.
bada$sandfifty said:
Honey, you did nothing wrong.. the problem is your sister rather be mad you right now than face the fact her husband is a cheat. If she directs the anger at you and lives in denial, then her brain can avoid the truth. Her husband is a cheat and a liar. It’s not really you she’s mad at, she’s just trying to hide from the situation. It’s easier to be mad at sis...
sis will always be there. If she gets mad at hubby, hubby might leave. And clearly she is not ready to confront him and demand his butt out. Try not to take it personally. It’s always easiest to take things out on those we love and trust the most (sister) because we know they will always love us.
And that’s what she needs you to do. Give her space but keep loving her. A cheating spouse is devastating, she may try to avoid the truth on that for years. I hope not. Keep the video, someday she may need it. You did right telling her. She will eventually come back to you. Just be patient.
Mhunterjr said:
NTA you did the right thing, your sister is in denial and irrationally blaming you for her issues. She may have even known about it, but didn’t want to confront him, and didn’t want others knowing.
Ritocas3 said:
Your sister already knew hence her reaction. You did the right thing! NTA.
UPDATE:
Thank you for all the comments and support. And those of you who suggested that I should have sent her that video anonymously, I don’t think so. I mean she is my sister. I can expect her to believe me. Anyways. Yesterday my sister came to our house with her bags. She had left James.
I was in my room but was eavesdropping. My mother was consoling her while she cried. As far as I know she will be divorcing James. Then she came into my room and apologized. She said that she already had suspicions when James was hiding his phone a lot. But my proof has made her suspicions come true. She reacted badly. She wanted it to be false.
Because she fought the entire world to be with him (really? That guy sis?). She even fought dad and dad was right about him. Dad warned her that he is manipulative and she is way too young to be married to him (she was 20). They were thinking about having children. I am glad she left him.
We talked for hours. This was the first time in 5 years we talked and spent time like this. I always felt that she distanced herself from us. And moreover I'm glad dad didn’t slap the “I told you so” on her face.
He was extremely supportive of her decision to leave and never spoke about their fights they had before she got married. I am really happy. I got my sister back. She and I had a sleepover, talked shit about James and cried a lot. I am not mad at her anymore. I know what she did was wrong. But I get where she was coming from.
P. S. Dad did know about it. Mom told him the minute my sister called. I guess I was wrong about that. In fact it was dad who went to her house to help her pack things.
Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:
neanderbeast said:
You were a good sister and I can understand her lashing out to a degree, her whole life had been turned upside.
Bencil_McPrush said:
I am glad you're reconnecting with your sister, she must be going through hell right now and needs all the help she can get. That said, I would probably not lose any sleep if a piano fell on James' head tomorrow.
Dizzy-Bluebird-5493 said:
Your actions were to support and protect your sister. Never the wrong thing to do . The hardest actions to do in life are the most loving.