Teen forces sister's BF to drink with their family despite BF's medical condition says, 'you have to honor our traditions.'
AITA for shaming my sister's boyfriend for not drinking with us because of a 'medical condition.'
Uglycranberry writes:
My (16M) sister, 26, has been dating a guy named Jake (not his real name), 27, for six months now. My parents were very happy that she finally has a boyfriend because before she said she didn't feel like dating anyone. I, on the other hand, as a brother, was a little concerned because, of course, I don't want my sister to be hurt or harmed.
Yesterday was our dad's birthday, and my sister invited Jake to visit us for the first time. We have a family tradition that when it's Dad's birthday, everyone over 15 has to make sure to drink the cherry tincture that Dad made himself. It's not strong at all, and even the kids don't get drunk on it. But when Mom poured it for Jake, he said he didn't drink alcohol.
Mom said that it wasn't strong at all, and that it was delicious, and that he could take just one sip if he didn't want to drink the whole glass, but Jake kept saying that he never drank. Not even a sip of anything alcoholic.
Then I said he was only a guest in our home and should honor our traditions. Jake blushed and said he wasn't allowed any alcohol for medical reasons. I said that one sip would do nothing and that he was disrespecting our dad. My sister was embarrassed and asked Jake to take a sip. Dad was embarrassed too and said it was okay, and he wouldn't be offended if Jake didn't drink the tincture.
Finally, Jake gave in and took a tiny sip of the tincture. Spoiler: he spent the whole evening with us after that, and nothing bad happened to him. After he left for his place, a small argument started in our house. My dad thought I acted like a selfish child, my mom didn't see anything wrong with what I did, neither did I. My sister looks like she hasn't decided which side to take yet.
Here are the top comments:
pinkcat9 says:
YTA (You're the A%#hole). Everyone has the right to choose whether or not they drink alcohol, in any setting, for any reason, and they do not need to explain themselves. It is a personal choice, and if in Jake's case it is medical, all the more reason for him not to have to explain himself.
Pressuring people into drinking alcohol is never a good reason ever. At best, they'll resent you. At worst, they (and you) may end up in a situation that you will regret.
Let me give you an example of what happens when you pressure somebody and/or make public commentary about their drinking habits. I don't drink alcohol, partly because I don't feel like it and partly because I have a food phobia which not many people know about, because it's such a huge part of me.
The other night, I went to the pub with some friends for dinner. This particular circle of friends is fairly large and includes some people I wouldn't otherwise hang out with.
I ordered a glass of milk to go with my chips, because I love drinking milk and it's a good alternative to water. A guy on the other side of the table, who is a bit of an arse anyway, and was a couple of drinks deep, looked at me with this I can't believe you face and said, loudly, "who the f%#k orders milk in a pub?"
Everyone looked at me. I felt so embarrassed. I felt so angry with this dude. I left shortly after because I just did not want to be there, in a place where I was publicly ridiculed for my drinking choices. You do not have the right to comment on other people's drinking choices, OR pressure them into drinking, WHATEVER THE SITUATION.
Refref1990 says:
YTA (You're the A%#hole). Precisely because he is your sister's boyfriend and, therefore, not a member of the family (especially not during the first meeting with the girlfriend's family), you should not have allowed yourself to insist so much.
You pushed him to the point of making him reveal the real reason why he didn't want to drink (medical reasons), which he evidently didn't want to share because it's his business. You exerted a lot of pressure on him, which is not a good thing, especially considering that the first meeting with the girlfriend's family is already a situation that carries its own pressure.
The poor guy felt compelled to drink. The fact that he didn't feel bad is no excuse, as it has nothing to do with the treatment you gave him. I wouldn't be surprised if he no longer wants to meet you or if he is reconsidering the engagement, especially if this is his first meeting with you, where there theoretically shouldn't be enough familiarity to insist so much.
'Guests must be respected, and their wishes must be acknowledged. He wasn't refusing to wish your father a happy birthday; he was simply reasonably refusing to drink for his own sake.
IgnorantMole says:
YTA. Dude, seriously? Pressuring a guest, your sister's boyfriend, to drink because of some family tradition? . Your dad called it right; you acted like a selfish child. Also, it sounds like really wanted your sister to finally be with someone. Basically, don't f@#k it up for her.
Inner-Nothing-7779
YTA. Dad is right. You acted like a selfish child. You, and your mother and possibly sister made the whole thing uncomfortable for Jake. When someone says no, if F%^KING MEANS NO! You going to say "just the tip" when your gf says no? You going to force your buddy to do a line of coke with you when he says no? No is a complete sentence and you didn't heed it.
Not to mention if someone can't drink alcohol for medical reasons, there's a GREAT F%@KING REASON for that. You don't know what that is, and it is none of your business. But it is your business to respect that.
This was Jake's first time meeting your family. You all left an impression on him, and it wasn't a good one. I'd be surprised if he stuck around.
What do you think? Was OP right to pressure his sister's boyfriend?