So, when a conflicted bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her future stepdaughter's speech at her wedding, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
So my fiancé (37M) and I (30F) are getting married in April. He has a 15-year-old daughter who currently lives with us but will be moving in with her grandparents soon for school.
Her mother (my fiancé’s first wife) passed away 2 years ago from cancer. I met my fiancé while he was married but nothing romantic happened between us until after she passed.
However just the fact that I’ve met his daughter as a family friend during that time has made her incredibly distrustful of me, even though we never had an affair and I’ve made that very clear to her.
Anyways, recently she told my fiancé that she’d like to read a poem at our wedding during the speech portions. It’s one based on loss and family, and is quite a nice poem, but she’d like to publicly dedicate it to her late mom with a short speech after.
I read the draft of it and am incredibly unhappy with how it sounds. Essentially she wants to talk about how happy her dad and her mom used to be while she was alive, and how their marriage was the stuff of fairy tales.
She ends it with a “I hope [me and my fiance] will have a fairy tale of their own” which is a nice sentiment if that was only thing she’s reading. Basically, I feel like she’d be using our wedding to reminisce how my fiancé’s last marriage was the unobtainable stuff of fairytales and I’d just be lucky to get a tiny piece of what they had. It sure feels like a intentional jab towards me.
I get that she’s still grieving and she’s a kid and all that. But I really don’t want this read at our wedding, which I want to be a celebration of new beginnings, not death or grief or ex wives.
I’ve talked to my fiancé and he sees 100% NOTHING wrong with the speech which has frankly upset me beyond what I’d imagined. I feel like he’s insisting on prioritizing her during a day that should be about me and him ONLY, not his kid or ex.
I’ve mulled over asking her directly to cut the speech portion and just read the poem, perhaps with a nice “dedicated to my mom” at the end and nothing more. AITA if I do this or something similar?
Does she really think that anyone at the wedding will see a grieving teenager honoring their late mother at their father's wedding and think 'damn this bride is really getting overshadowed here.' Weddings are family celebrations and whether or not this bride likes it, her future stepkid's deceased mother is a part of her family now.
YTA (You're the As*hole). Let’s see. Your fiancé’s kid lost her mom only TWO years ago! When she was 13! How long until you started dating her dad? Give her a f*cking break. Most teenagers have it hard enough with living parents divorcing.
You are marrying a WIDOWER, not some random guy with an ex. That’s his late wife by the way, not his “ex”, and these type of relationships mean his late wife will always have more or less a presence in yours.
No, a wedding with a person with kids is not just about you and him. It includes the kids’ futures as well. No one attending this wedding is under any delusion that you’re marrying a guy without significant baggage here.
“I feel like he’s weirdly prioritizing her during a day that should be about me and him ONLY, not his kid or ex.” There’s literally so much wrong in this one sentence that I’m convinced you’re leaving out a ton of nasty sh*t.
YTA - Simply for the fact that you keep referring to your fiance's late wife as his 'ex.'
YTA - Her saying that she wants the same for the two of you as he had with her dead mother shows how she is accepting you into the family and quite frankly the woman did die and you decided to have a relationship with this man and through him with the daughter and the loss of her is something they will carry with them forever and will definitely think about on 'your' wedding day and many many days to come.
YTA - you are so incredibly NOT ready for marriage to a man WITH a child. You are well on your way to being the evil step mother. The poor kid. Her mother died only 2 years ago, you belittle her therapy and you are sending her to her grandparents 'for school'. Yikes, nasty much?
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride is completely and 100% in the wrong for the way she's treating her future stepdaughter, especially since this speech sounds like a lovely tribute to both her future husband's late wife and their wedding. Good luck, everyone!