'AITA for putting my stepmother in her place in front of my friends and their parents?'

"AITA for putting my stepmother in her place in front of my friends and their parents?"

I (16m) don't like my stepmother. I even make sure I call her my stepmother to others because she thinks it sounds more cold and formal than dad's wife or just using her name. She said it sounds like "disrespectful respect" which works for me.

She married my dad when I was 7 and she wanted me to call her mom or mama. I refused to call her either. So she and my dad sat me down and she told me she might not be my biological mom but she'll be my mom every time I go to their house and that was deserving of a loving title.

I still refused. I even said I was going to tell my mom she was pressuring me and dad told me there was no need to cause trouble.

She says that whole "I'm your mom when you're in my home" crap. I ended up telling my mom about the pushing and she and dad got into this huge fight. I also recorded my stepmother saying my mom wasn't so special and other stuff to badmouth her. We'd been fighting about me saying she wasn't my mom.

My stepmother didn't like my loyalty to mom for all those reasons. It meant mom could go back to court and the judge said it was alienation and they were to stop unless they wanted my dad to lose shared custody.

Then months after my stepmother screamed at my mom at my school in front of me and everyone and then my dad lost shared custody and was given every other weekend.

Even when my stepmother and dad had kids together I told her it wasn't going to change that she would never be my mom.

My mom's in hospital right now. She had a big surgery and it went bad so she's 4 weeks in now and we're not sure when she's coming home yet. So I'm with dad. My stepmother keeps trying to make us closer and she's so annoying because she keeps trying to get me to drop the stepmother thing and say mom.

Sunday my friends and I were doing this back to school lunch at the diner. My mom was supposed to be there with some of the parents but I went solo anyway. My stepmother followed me there and told me I should have asked her (I asked dad) and she could have come.

I told her she wasn't invited. She then did the whole I'm mom while you're in my house. I told her that wasn't true and in front of my friends and their parents I told her she might think that and she can say that and I might need to listen to her while I stay with them but she will never be my mom.

That I will never treat her like I treat my mom and she will always live in my mom's shadow. She won't ever get the respect or love that she's asking for. I told her when I'm 18 she can't demand anything and I can make it very obvious that she's not as important as she's trying to claim.

She ran out of there and I stayed. When I got home my dad and stepmother were waiting. She demanded an apology and told me I had no right to talk like that to her let alone in front of people. I shrugged. I was sent to my room for not apologizing. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

head6 writes:

NTA - YOU HAVE A MOTHER. She is your dad’s wife. She can be a source of support, warmth and care but she is not your Ma and you are not wrong in wanting this clear distinction. I am sorry your Mum is poorly, that’s stressful, I hope you both get to get some chill and hang time soon.

creativeaudi writes:

Nta tell her she had no right to tell you how to feel or who to love. Tell her if this continues you will go back to the court and ask for no visitation. Tell your dad if this continues when you turn 18 you will go no contact.

fiesta6 writes:

The funny thing is by now you might consider her a bonus mom if she hadn’t been such an asshole and tried to force you to call her mom. NTA. She got what she had coming to her for her shitty and disrespectful behavior. Best of luck to your mom.

togar5 writes:

OP had every right to speak to her step mom like that, and it only happened in front of other people because step mom chose that location to confront OP hoping that she could use that to manipulate her into getting her way.

They could have had a respectful, blended, step-parent relationship. OP’s step-mom wanted more than that though and killed that possibility with her selfishness. Now she and her husband have to live with the consequences of that.

BTW, everything step-mom pulled was pretty shitty over the years, but trying to take advantage of OP’s mom being in the hospital to leverage her position is real fg low. NTA.

mizfit6 writes:

Wow...no honey, NTA. She is has some serious mommy issues and is not all there. I hope your Mom is ok. Just remind them again that you only have 2 years until you are legal and they need to learn how to respect you if they want respect.