Teenager asks grandparents; 'How can you be so cruel after you accused my mom like that?!' AITA?
"AITA for asking my grandparents how they can be so cruel after they accused my mom of the same?"
Two years ago my parents marriage ended because my mom found out dad was cheating and had another woman pregnant.
My sisters and I (17m, 15f and 14f) wanted nothing to do with dad afterward and he was not given any formal custody. It was a decision left for us to decide if we wanted to see him. We didn't. He had a daughter with the other woman a year ago.
Now their daughter was taken by CPS and is currently sitting in foster care. My grandparents, dad's parents, want my mom to raise her so we will know her and so she will have us growing up. Mom said no.
At the same time they were trying to pressure us to accept visits with her so she'll know us anyway but my sisters and I are not interested. My guess is they want us to meet her so we'll ask mom to raise her.
Mom did get a call and was asked if she would take her by a social worker but her no was the last contact we had with the social worker. We only had contact once before that where we/she was asked if visits between us and the girl were wanted. They weren't.
My mom tries to keep me and my sisters out of it but I have heard her lose her cool and answer the phone to tell my grandparents to leave her alone. I also heard my grandparents call her names and remind her over and over that my sisters and I are related to this girl and mom should want us to know each other and be close.
I heard mom cry the other night so I called my grandparents and told them to leave my mom alone. They tried to defend themselves but I told them to stop. I brought up them calling my mom cruel earlier that day and I asked them how they could be cruel. I asked why didn't they take their granddaughter and why do they want her to be somewhere she's not wanted or loved or cared about.
They spluttered over the phone but I didn't let them really speak and I told them that's exactly what they're trying to set her up for and it's not good. I told them none of us want her here or want a relationship and they're the cruel ones trying to force her in here anyway.
The went crazy yesterday over what I said. Mom finally blocked them but they're also trying to make themselves heard via social media. AITA?
agreen writes:
NTA. Let them cry about it over social media. They're only making themselves look bad. It's a shame that they're already poisoning your relationship with this innocent child out of the gate.
It would be nice if you could have a relationship with her someday when you were ready, but that's less likely now that they've already instilled a second dose of resentment in you for a child that hasn't even done anything yet. It's common sense that neither you nor your mom would want to live with a constant reminder of your dad's infidelity right now.
creasss writes:
NTA. There are some exceptional people who will take in their kids' younger half-siblings in these situations, but those people are exceptional and nobody has a responsibility to do this.
Also, a large part of why social service always try to get a family placement where possible is largely so that the child doesn't lose the family relationships and connections that they already have. Give that this kid has no connection or relationship with yourself, your sisters or your mother.
It also doesn't sound much like any of you want to be maintaing a relationship with your paternal grandparents. In this regard, it wouldn't actually be any more beneficial for the kid than adoption or a long-term foster carer, so there isn't really any reason specifically for your mother to take her other than as an attempt by your grandparents to save face.
taouttt writes:
NTA and well done for standing up for your Mom, you are a wonderful son. This is an absolutely wild 'suggestion' from your grandparents - so incredibly selfish, idiotic and cruel. It's not hard to see how your father ended up as he has with parents like that.