Teenager begs friend to return her pride flag; friend says, 'NO WAY. This belongs to the community.' AITA? UPDATED

When this woman is annoyed with her friend during pride month, she asks the internet:

"I lost it on my friend during pride. AITA?"

I (15F) am a proud bisexual and am very active in my school's pride society. My friend (16F) is also queer and is also part of the pride society.

When I came out my parents were very supportive and even got me a pride flag. My school had an end of year pride fair where everyone wore pride colours and were allowed to bring flags to celebrate the Lgbtq+ community.

I brought my flag and about half an hour in my friend asked if she could borrow it. I said sure because I trusted her with it and thought she would give it back when we had to leave.

When the event came to an end I couldn't find her so I assumed she forgot to give it back and had already gone home. So when I got back to my home I texted her saying that I wanted my flag back the next day (when we had school). She just responded with "OK" and I thought that was that.

The next day at school she didnt have it and said that she forgot it at home and that she would bring it the next week (it was a Friday). I said that that was fine. Everyone forgets things and i wasnt going to get upset with her for accidentally leaving it at home.

However on that Sunday I was on Instagram and I saw her story. She was in her room and hung up on the wall was a pride flag. I was super confused because I had been to her house before and I knew she didnt have one and I also thought it was kinda suspicious that she had my one and kept forgetting to give it back.

So I replied to her story and asked her if that was my pride flag on her wall. She responded and asked if it matters and that I can't gatekeep a piece of fabric. I responded saying it did matter and asked her if she was being serious and told her that I wanted it back the next day at school. She just left me on read and didnt reply.

The next day at school I went up to her while she was talking to a group of her friends and asked her for the flag back and she just got really mad and said that I was being unreasonable and that she didnt understand why I needed it back so badly.

I said that it was my property and that I didnt need a reason and I never said she could keep it.

She then started shouting at me saying I didnt own the flag because it belongs to the community and that Ijust wanted to embarrass her in front of everyone. I was shocked because this was really out of character for her.

I just said that I needed it backed because my parents were the ones who bought it not her and that if she didnt give it back it would technically be theft.

She just gave me a filthy look and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since and its been almost a week. She also blocked me on whatsapp and Instagram.Some of my friends are saying that pride flags belong to the community and that I was being selfish while my others friends think that she is just trying to keep it and gaslight me.

I'm really upset about the whole situation because I really value her friendship but I feel really betrayed by her. AITA?

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

crampa writes:

NTA. But if you ever want to see the flag back you gotta talk to her more reasonably.

Let her know that it’s the flag your parents bought you. And the reason you didn’t tell her is because it’s personal. It’s something you want to cherish. If you want to salvage the friendship, buy her a new flag.

While your at it let your friends know the story too. It sounds like she’s basically using it as room decor.

And while we’re all at it. Kindly inform them that while the flag is the symbol of the community, that particular flag is actually your property. Try and steal a pride flag from a gay bar and claim it belongs to the community. See how that’ll go.

greetty writes:

NTA. But if you ever want to see the flag back you gotta talk to her more reasonably.

Let her know that it’s the flag your parents bought you. And the reason you didn’t tell her is because it’s personal. It’s something you want to cherish. If you want to salvage the friendship, buy her a new flag.

While your at it let your friends know the story too. It sounds like she’s basically using it as room decor.

And while we’re all at it. Kindly inform them that while the flag is the symbol of the community, that particular flag is actually your property. Try and steal a pride flag from a gay bar and claim it belongs to the community. See how that’ll go.

laydgat6 writes:

The symbol of the flag belongs to the community. That actual flag belongs to you and seems to have sentimental value to you as something your parents bought to support you.

Are her parents supportive? Does she feel connection to this particular item because of the support involved?

It seems a strange thing to hold onto if she and her parents are active in the community. Maybe a calm conversation with her would be helpful - "why is this particular flag so important to you?

I let you borrow it for pride, but you knew it was lending, why do you need to keep it? I could help you get one for yourself, so why is it this one that you want to keep?" NTA.

And now, OP's update:

Hi everyone, i just first want to say how much I appreciated the response on my post and i want to thank the people who also commented and private messaged me kind things. I am very grateful for that.

So on to the actual update. I read through all the comments and took many people's advice to get my parents involved. I told them what happened and they were very upset. Two days ago my mom took me to my friend's mom's house and she explained what happened and her mom was shocked.

It turns out she told her mom that she bought the pride flag at the pride event last week and she didn't think much of it. (she must of lied to her mom because there was nothing on sale at that event.)

We showed her mom the messages between my friend and i and she said that she was very sorry and went to go and get the flag from my friends room. My friend was at her dad's house and her mom said that she was going to deal with her when she leaves her dad's house. We took the flag and thanked her then went home.

I thought that was the end of it but today she must of got to her mom's house and found put because she messaged me saying that I was a bad friend and an even worse aly because I've dated a boy in the past I dont need a pride flag which really hurt my feelings.

She went on to say that she was in trouble with both of her parents. I decided to not respond to any of the messages and just blocked her so I didn't add any fuel to the fire. I feel really bad because that wasn't my plan and i just wanted the flag back.

In the end I don't think I'm going to tell anyone about the messages she sent me because I don't want her to get into more trouble.

But yeah, that's my update. I am just going to enjoy the rest of my holiday and try and prepare myself for the new school year (I live in the southern hemisphere and start a new grade in Jan) Thank you all for being kind <3