'AITA for telling my pregnant SIL that everything isn’t about her and her pregnancy?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for telling my pregnant SIL that everything isn’t about her and her pregnancy?"
I (16F) have recently been in quite a dilemma, my sil (28F) has recently announced her pregnancy to the family, everyone was overjoyed and we had a little get together as a family. Mind you my family lives in a sizable house, and my brother (29M) has since moved back in to live closer to our parents and for his and sil’s baby to be near our parents.
So recently, SIL has been really bossy around the house mostly towards me, it started with small things that I didn’t mind like getting her some water or reaching something high up that she can’t reach, but then it started to transition into much more "different" things such as she would make me massage her feet which I always declined.
I don’t feel comfortable touching others and she would always call me unreasonable and overreacting and that she is pregnant and needs help. I told my brother about this and he just chalked it up to her “hormones” acting up, so I dropped it.
Last friday I had this important research paper to submit and I was on busy mode that day and didn’t really pay attention to anyone around me, I was wearing my headphones and didn’t hear my sil walking into my room and demanding I wash the dishes downstairs.
I told her I was busy and would do it later but she flipped out for some reason and called be a b word and said she is pregnant and I need to help her and I said I just needed 2 hours but she just walked out.
Finally I went down and didn’t notice the time and it apparently been 3 hours and heard commotions downstairs and my sil was crying telling the family I hit her and called her names and I didn’t know where that was coming from cause I never did anything wrong.
So I told everyone what really happened and yet they sided with her cause she is pregnant and she told me for some god dam reason “you’re probably jealous your brother gives me all his attention now.”
My brother and i used to be close and since he married her he hasn’t had time for bonding and he has work, my brother is at work while all this was happening btw, and something just boiled up inside me instantly.
I told her not everything is about her and her pregnancy and she started with the crocodile tears but I didn’t care, I stormed out and just went for a walk, nobody has yet to talk to me and I don’t know what to do because I feel like im the ah so reddit, aitah for telling my sil not everything is about her and her baby?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
blablablablaparrot said:
NTA. And stand your ground. You should be more firm actually so there are no misunderstandings about your limits. If you don’t put a stop to this nonsense now, they will all pressure you continuously to help them out, babysit and what not. Your free time will soon be a thing of the past.
Make it crystal clear to everyone, especially your SIL and brother that hormones or not, you will not take this crap. You will help out as always but you are not her servant, nor are you her masseuse.You will also not accept false allegations made by his unhinged wife.
Infamous_Anything_67 said:
NTA. Do you have anyone you can talk with about what's going on in the household, like a teacher or counselor? I am concerned for your safety and worried about how your parents are handling the situation.
This woman falsely accused you of assault. That is a big deal. Your parents have an obligation to ensure you have a safe home to live in. Your job is not to do whatever your SIL wants, it's to be a kid. Go to school, hang out with friends, etc. I think it might be helpful to speak with your parents and tell them your concerns, possibly with a neutral third party as a mediator.
1000thatbeyotch said:
NTA. She is pregnant, not incapacitated. Should she be doing heavy lifting? No. Should she be doing regular chores? Yes. Your life doesn’t go on hold because she and your brother decided to procreate.
No-Consequence3985 said:
NTA! Damn, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to do dishes when I was pregnant. I wish someone would have told me. And I got my own glass of water. And I had a job and worked on my feet and didn't have a 16 year old around to rub my feet. How did I ever survive 2 pregnancies! How is this woman going to take care of a baby, if she is so helpless?
bubblespowerpufff said:
NTAH. As someone who was recently pregnant, your hormones are totally out of whack, but that doesn’t give someone the excuse to lie or expect foot rubs from their SIL.
FIRST UPDATE:
Hi everyone, short update, I’m still at school but I don’t wanna forget everything that happened so here it goes...so since everything happened last friday there’s only a short update, I went back home and like I said no one has yet to talk to me, my mistake for saying recently, my sil has announced it for quite awhile now and she’s close to her due date.
So update, my brother’s work sometimes requires him to leave home for a few days cause of projects or whatever, and he came home on sunday but I didn’t talk yet cause my sil was all around him when he came home, so last night I decided to talk to my brother and it was quite...interesting...
I told him everything starting from the day they arrived when she kept on making me do things, to the disgusting feet massages and to her accusations.
I was surprised cause he told me to drop it once again, and I was getting angry but I am not really the type to easily get angry so I just calmly told him to tell her off cause she isn’t the only one with a life to live and her being pregnant is not an excuse, he got angry and blurted out that “we have to treat her properly cause we need her."
He elaborated saying her family is apparently rich and I am not involved in any family matters so i don’t know anything, apparently the plan was to get mom and dad to be kind to her so once their baby arrives they’ll get all the financial support they need.
I was so disgusted by this behavior and I just stared at him with confusion...I didn’t get too much sleep so I wrote my story here and added this cause I wanted insight before I updated.
Thank you for your comments and advices, I see a lot of people telling me to record her and I am still having second thoughts about it, right now I am just so exhausted of the drama, revelations and mostly my school work.
I wanna be a biologist one day and I'm working hard to get into my dream college and this drama is not helping, I'm also suspicious of my brother cause it seems like there is more to the story than he’s letting on.
So, I will see you later or whenever I have something else relevant to update, right now I need to finish a lot of things cause luckily my brother became her temporary slave but idk what will happen when he goes back to work, we’ll see. Sorry for the wacky update I really have a lot to do so this is what I can update for now cause this is also everything that is relevant. i will elaborate if needed or if I have the time.
Here's what people had to say after the first update:
content_great_gramma said:
Sounds like brother is a golddigger. If SIL's family is so well off, why are they mooching off your family? Keep studying and get into a good college. I sincerely hope you achieve your dream.
No-To-Newspeak said:
Wow. Your brother and family are trying to leverage the pregnancy for financial gain. This is sick. Do they think that SIL's family is suddenly going to shower your brother with money because you are giving feet massages to their daughter? If he wants money so bad then perhaps he should get a higher paying job instead of depending on his in-laws.
Nervous-Tea-7074 said:
Your brother is an idiot! He basically just gave you a golden ticket! If he doesn’t want you exposing the truth, tell him she’s either gotta back off! Or you go straight to her parents! You don’t need any proof or evidence! Because you will be planting a seed of doubt! Meaning that her parents will be suspicious of all your brother and parents financial moves from now on!
ProfessionalOk5749 said:
Your SIL an abusive jerk and the family is a bunch of gold-diggers . This is a mess . I hope you're safe. It might get worse once the baby is born , she could accuse you of doing something to the baby (if you get sued, your career will take a hit).
Of course you're tired, by having some device to gather evidence isn't actually bad , it can save you from getting your life ruined . It will be great if you don't interact with them much and keep to yourself.
willmd13 said:
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Tell your brother that you will be polite to her but she is his problem to pamper. You will not do anything for her or the baby unless and when you want to.
SoapGhost2022 said:
Keep refusing and start recording your interactions with her. It’s not your job to help your family try and swindle money from this woman’s parents.
SECOND UPDATE:
So a small clarification about my sil’s family, yes they are quite well off and I just found out my leech of a family is mooching off of them, but here is a brief explanation if anyone is curious.
Sil’s family doesn’t like my family cause they see us as lower class from theirs so they never supported my brother and sil, never attended the wedding, and never supported them, but my suspicion is that they wanna get on the good side of my sil’s parents by having a baby to either soften their hearts or demand help cause her parents always wanted grandchildren.
I am questioning if my sil is unaware that this is what is happening or she is part of it for I am not sure of every information since I don’t have the time to dig and I’m just going off of the information i got and my suspicions, so sorry if I didn’t answer any questions, my mind is foggy due to stress and so many pending activities for school.
I am so sorry...I will update if anything else happens. Thank you for all your support and feedback, I am yet to answer any of them cause time is not on my side at the moment, so I hope I can get back soon...
Here's what top commenters had to say about the second update:
Infamous_Anything_67 said:
That is a hard pill to swallow. My advice still mostly stands though, she falsely accused you of assault. You are a child. I say focus on school, apply for every scholarship under the sun, get out as soon as it's feasible.
Talk to someone you can trust about the situation, find the emotional support you need. I don't think talking to your parents will be as helpful since they seem to be motivated by money, which is unfortunate, but possibly not likely to change. Keep your SIL at arm's length and avoid being alone with her.
[deleted] said:
Honestly OP, I think you need to tell your parents that they're fools. They're pretending to cater to a brat who was cut off from her family for dating beneath her.. in no universe are they going to give YOUR family money if a baby comes.
If the baby 'softens their heart' they'll ofter to take the baby. To let SIL move back in with the baby probably on the condition she now lives the life they want her to but that money will absolutely NEVER reach your parents of all people.
And even if it's true that your brother doesn't love her and is using her... again how would her having the baby make him the recipient? If anything the baby will be with the mother and your brother will have to pay her in support.
BlazingSunflowerland said:
Tell everyone at home that you will be talking to a counselor at school about the way your SIL is treating you at home and the lies she is telling about you. Your family thinks that what they do at home will be hidden from the world. Let them know that it won't be hidden and if SIL is being inappropriate she can get into legal trouble.
Definitely record every interaction going forward. Both when the two of you are alone and when she is telling lies to the entire family. She is crossing the line into abusing you and she can get into legal trouble for that. Don't be afraid to expose her.
Zealousideal-Song717 said:
So what I'm getting here is that your brother and sil are both incredibly stupid and think squatting out a kid is going to make her parents shell out money. Good luck, you're going to need it, because it's ONLY going to get worse once they've added another mouth to feed for NOTHING.
ShinyAppleScoop said:
No wonder her family looks down on your family. I wouldn't blame you for running and not looking back once you are old enough.