Teenager picks birthday restaurant specifically to exclude his two stepsiblings; 'They'll get sick if they eat there.' AITA?

"AITA for picking a restaurant my stepsiblings couldn't eat at?"

My uncle brought me out to eat on Saturday because he wasn't here for my 16th birthday three weeks ago. He had to take my stepsiblings (13f, 11m) with us. He's not their step-uncle btw. He's my mom's brother. Stepsiblings are my dad's stepkids.

But my uncle and dad used to be best friends but their friendship ended when my mom died 7 years ago. Things are messy because my uncle still wants to see me and I want to see him but dad doesn't want my stepsiblings left out so they get dragged around sometimes.

Something kinda relevant is that my stepsiblings have (not-anaphylactic kind) food allergies. Their allergies are different from each other and they get rashes and puking and stuff from eating foods they're allergic to.

This has become such a focus for my dad and their mom that I don't get to eat at places I like, even when my stepsiblings aren't there, because it's not fair. I'm also the only person in the "family" (I think it's more a burden than a family) who never gets to have my favorite restaurant on rotation for eating out.

My dad, his wife and both my stepsiblings get their #1 choice but because mine doesn't easily accommodate my stepsiblings I can't have it. All of my top 5 are out. Even for stuff like my birthday. I hate it. I resent it. I don't have the family affection or mushiness for them to make it easier. I just basically suck it up.

But when my uncle was taking me I chose my top choice. And he took us. My stepsiblings didn't eat. I didn't even feel bad because their needs are always put first and they shouldn't have been tagging along anyway.

Their mom was SO mad when my uncle dropped me off and dad was disappointed in me. He asked me why I chose it and I told him it's my favorite restaurant and it's been almost 6 years since I got to eat there because they decided I can never have it while I live with them.

I told him it was meant to be celebrating my birthday and since I get fd over when they "celebrate" me because of my stepsiblings, I didn't see why I had to do it when my uncle was taking me. I told him they shouldn't have been there in the first place. I didn't want them there. He was just fg with my uncle.

His wife heard me say her kids shouldn't have been there and she asked where my compassion is and where my sibling bond went and I told her I never had one. My stepsiblings were really upset they'd been forced to watch two of us eat and that made their mom more angry at me and dad more upset with me especially because I didn't feel bad about it. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

creims67 writes:

Exactly the steps kids DID NOT BELONG on YOUR birthday dinner. He isn't THEIR uncle. Just because they have food allergies doesn't mean your stepdad had the right to demand that you eat anywhere other than where you want to eat. His kids can eat at home or just eat elsewhere AFTER YOUR CHOSEN BIRTHDAY DINNER.

Blended family, my butt!!! They almost NEVER work out smoothly. That goes for either side.

Blending takes lots of talk therapy and explanations of why this is happening and dealing with negativity. Even then, there is no guarantee that there isn't some resentment by either side. Many parents wait to introduce their various kids to each other until the wedding. Doing that "INSTANT FAMILY" is usually the core of the resentment.

Case in point; my stepfathers kids from his first marriage wanted ZERO to do with him or me. When my own dad remarried, his second wife wanted nothing to do with me, and she never allowed me to have anything to do with them.

None of the parents forced the issue. They had the intelligence to realize the situation couldn't be helped, and outright war would ensue if they did. This was 50 years ago. Some things, no matter the duration, never change.

aghg76 writes:

NTA This was your one time to pick a place that you liked. Your uncle wanted to honor you for your birthday.

That’s crazy that you can’t even go to your preferred places when your step siblings are not around. And it’s also crazy that your parents forced your uncle to include them.

Good for you for finally getting to enjoy a special meal.

inotpersonsor5 writes:

I have food allergies and am on a medically restricted diet and there are restaurants where I cannot safely eat a single thing on the menu. There was a ramen place my partner and friends loved and I could never eat anything at because every single thing contained mushroom—even their plain rice was cooked in mushroom broth.

And I don’t even have that many allergies and restrictions, it’s just the way they stack up that makes it impossible sometimes. Also I am allergic to shellfish and there are a ton of regular restaurants where I can’t have the fries because they use the same oil for crab cakes.

Dessert-wise I also am often screwed because I can’t have nuts, mint, stone fruit, caffeine, or alcohol. I am truly a pain in the ass to eat with sometimes. All that said, I am fully in OP’s corner on this one.

zombayy writes:

Nta. I’m so sorry you have such shit parents in your life especially after losing your mom. Your dad and his wife are MASSIVE AHs who are hurting all 3 of the kids. NOTHING makes a person hate someone more than being forced to interact with them. The only plus side is you only have 2 years left.

Get a job. Save up. Work hard in school. Get a full ride to a college far away and run for your life and happiness. You never have to speak to these people again if you don’t wish. I’m so thankful I was able to get a full ride to a college 4 hours from home.

I’ve made such a wonderful life here and I just don’t think I’d be anywhere as happy if I stayed closer to home. I wouldn’t have been able to move so far away without the free ride. I never finished college but just having that hand up changed my life.