Teenager wastes everyone's time in family therapy after being accused of lying. AITA?

"AITA for wasting everyone's time in therapy because I was accused of lying?"

My mom, her husband and I (16f) are in group therapy with each other. We started therapy a few weeks after Father's Day, because that was the final straw for them to insist we all needed therapy to work on why I won't let us be the family they want.

We started at the end of July and by the end of August my mom accused me of lying, called me a liar and laid out this really big sob story about how much it hurt to have me lie to her and do everything in my power to destroy her marriage.

It pissed me off so bad. I didn't lie at any point of this. I said as much in the follow up session and the therapist asked me to outline my side and how I felt having mom call me a liar. My mom kept trying to interrupt me, she told the therapist the shut up and she accused me of being a vicious liar then.

To give some explanation about the situation. My mom and her husband got married 3 years ago. They moved in together 2 months before. Before moving in they sat me down and asked me if I was okay with us moving in together and making a family of three again.

Mom brought up how we'd have a man around the house again (my dad died) and how good it would be for her to have a husband and for me to have a dad and he said he couldn't wait to be my dad and he always wanted to be a dad. He said he already had plans for us for Father's Day.

This was February of three years ago. I told them I wasn't okay with that stuff. That I didn't want another dad, wouldn't let him be my dad, and was not about to spend Father's Day celebrating someone who isn't dad.

They started laughing and proceeded as normal but Father's Day became a struggle because I have not spent the day with him the last three years and he has tried, so has my mom. I meant what I said. I never called him dad or let him fill the role in my life.

This year he snapped and he had a temper tantrum and said I was supposed to be with him on Father's Day and not spending the day alone and he didn't sign up to be nothing to me.

My mom called me a liar because she said I promised to develop a close relationship with her husband and that I said yes to wanting what they asked. She said I had said I would give him Father's Day and I lied and I have not followed through on any of it.

She said I made them think I would be a willing participant and I wanted us to be a family. It pisses me off because I never said what she claims and I even repeated what I had said back then.

The therapist couldn't get mom to apologize and she has no control over the sessions where my mom and her husband dominate. So I'm totally silent and I zone out. They only realized this two weeks ago.

They called me on it and I spoke up again after more than a month of no talking in therapy, to confirm I wasn't listening and it came up last week and I said I was done engaging because I was owed an apology for being called a liar. My mom and her husband are pissed that I'm wasting everyone's time letting therapy happen. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

feat6 writes:

NTA. Is there a way to communicate to the therapist that you think separate sessions would be helpful at this stage? Your parents are the ones wasting everyones time.

I suspect you’d get more help and better advice in private therapy. Sorry your parents are dreadful. Start looking into scholarship programs and part time work to help you get away the second you’re 18. Then you can join us over on the Estranged Adult Kids sub. Hang in there friend.

freaaty writes:

As difficult as it can be, sometimes the best course of action is to not respond (act indifferently), let people do all the screaming they want, and then ignore it and continue doing what you’ve been doing. It sounds as if you’re attempting this, but you’re second guessing yourself.

Don’t second guess yourself. You’re doing fine. You established a boundary they don’t want to accept. You don’t need to feel guilty or as if you need to manage their feelings in any way. This is a tough life skill and you’re pretty young, but you can do this. Practice indifference with no guilt.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” “I can’t help you with that.” “How unfortunate.”

I would guess that phase 2 is about to start. This is the phase in which they will strive to make your life miserable by punishing you with anything they think you value. Don’t let them know what your currency is (phone, going out with friends, etc.).

If they take something away, pretend indifference and don’t give them any real response. Make adjustments and pretend it hasn’t phased you. They want a response from you.

Don’t give it. It’s really, really hard because you’ll want to scream back at them, but you can do this. If they start to affect your school work, tell a counselor you feel you’re being emotionally abused.

NTA. Start making plans for when you turn 18 and assume they will not help financially with anything.

stunt writes:

Stand your ground. You did not want a new daddy then, you certainly don't want one now and here bring this up in therapy, your mom is pushing this narrative on you so she could move her f buddy into the house. That should very clearly lay out your side in therapy Maybe start with that next session and then sit back and watch the bs, laughing maybe.