'AITA if I tell my ex I will tell my BIL about my sister’s affair if she continues to see my daughters behind my back?'
"AITA if I tell my ex I will tell my BIL about my sister’s affair if she continues to see my daughters behind my back?"
My(39F) and my ex(41M) have two daughters (7/9F). After a not-so-friendly divorce we are trying to co-parent in the healthiest way possible. During the divorce his ego was hurt.
He was financially abusive and started feeding lies to my sister Esmer (44F) and her husband about me. That I use drugs, that I had affairs, that I wanted all assets. It was all a lie. But I had to show the court I wasn’t a drug user with all kind of testing. It was embarrassing and honestly, very pricey to prove I was a healthy parent. But I did.
When things calmed down, Esmer admitted to me many things, she bugged my house, she followed me around, etc and it was bc she wanted custody of my daughters. She was convinced I was the devil and our daughters would be better off with her.
My ex promised to share custody with her when he took them away from me. It was full manipulation and she couldn’t see it. My BIL also felt loyalty to my ex, like a bro code, and I was no longer welcome at their house.
They said I was too promiscuous living a single life to hang out with their kids. I am now in a better place, my daughters see their dad but I have custody. It took a lot of therapy to rebuilt us.
After some years, I’m ready to starting dating again. I matched with an amazing guy and we hit it off. Due to work and kids we couldn’t meet immediately. But when we were coordinating our first official date, he added me to social media and guess who I see there as a friend? Esmer.
I asked him and he told me they had a 2 year affair and he broke it off a few weeks ago. Esmer went on this full blown toxic episode of jealous rage, as if she isn’t married with a family. Of course nothing will happen with this guy now. Yuck!
I haven’t say anything to anyone about the affair. But every summer my ex takes my daughters to my sisters home, it bothers me when my daughters tell me because I’m not allowed to see her kids. But nothing I can do since I try to respect his father/daughters time. And of course, Esmer, her husband, and my ex are adults, I can’t control their friendships.
He remarried right away and have 2 more kids. They all go to my sister’s house too. Now, AITA if I tell my ex I will spill the beans of my sisters affair if my sister continues seen my daughters behind my back?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You should not allow your sister to see your kids period. Your ex needs to know that, and you're absolutely NTA here.
Oh OP should absolutely out the cheater. She was fine believing OP was a cheater and tried stealing her kids. It's all fair game now. Normally I would out her for her husband's sake...but he too is just a waste of space clinging to his cheating wife. So OP....out her because...oh let's go for petty. It's OK to be petty. Now and forever...NTA.
I hate to think about it but she’s probably having an affair with your ex too, and has since you were married to him. I would go ahead and let your B-I-L know now, because your Ex isn’t going to stop.
You can use all this evidence and force the ex NOT to allow your sister to visit your kids when ex has custody. Give evidence of her trying to get custody. If you have texts as proof, even better.
Take him back to court and force a custody amendment. You absolutely have some control over who the kids stay with. Give your kids phones with tracker apps. If they end up at sister's house nail her.
You’re not the AH — your feelings are completely valid given everything your sister and ex did. However, threatening to expose your sister’s affair could backfire, especially when it comes to custody issues.
A better approach would be to set a clear boundary: tell your ex that you don’t want your daughters around Esmer due to trust concerns, without making direct threats. If he continues to ignore that, then you can consider using the information carefully. If you want, I can help you draft a firm message to send him.